


the losers party with honorary member will smith

by skyserendia



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King, Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Aged up characters (all in their 20's), Almost everyone is part of the lgbt+ community btw, Also I changed where a majority of them live for plot reasons sorrynotsorry bc it's great trust me, Eleven doesn't officially join until Chapter 5 for plot development reasons, F/M, Like stan is french canadian, M/M, Modern AU, Monster Hunter/Cryptid AU, Multi, My babies are nerds bless them, No angst!, Pretty much just a bunch of memes and soft, Stranger things and IT kids groupchat!, Teeny tiny alcohol mention but the drinker is of age, There will be a lot of relationships, also I know the Will Smith thing is weird but just wait, but i'll add them to the relationship tag once they are official, cute babies :), groupchat fic, i had to change some backstories for plot reasons but bear with me im sorry, it's just a meme
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-05 08:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12790362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyserendia/pseuds/skyserendia
Summary: The Losers Club and kids from Stranger Things in their 20's in a Monster Hunter/Cryptid Group-chat AU!lionel richie: so do u have a sexy aussie accent or did u move there too late?therationalone: DUDE. STOP.beverage: benbeverage: is your username a new kids on the block reference…?newkidontheblock: uhmnewkidontheblock: …maybelionel richie: kakakdjakkajaahagatathefreshprince: oh godnewkidontheblock: is that a problem?zoomzoombitch: yes...memes, friendships, relationships, monster stories, and other things ensue!





	1. "holy shit bill we're talking to actual brace face disgrace to the monster hunter race"

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I've officially started writing my first Group-chat fic! I wrote chapters 1-3 over the course of 18-20ish hours while I was sick and originally planned for it to be the first chapter, but I didn't want chapter one to be 12,000 words and then the rest be shorter haha. So, I apologize if this chapter ends in a weird place. Stay tuned towards the end of the notes for a special surprise I have planned for every chapter! I'm only seen it done by one other author before (tobylove is an amazing writer go check out their beautiful works!!) but I'm doing it a little differently. I hope you enjoy the beginning of this fic :D
> 
>  
> 
> Bill - buffalobill  
> Richie - lionel richie  
> Eddie - sqwedward  
> Beverly - beverage  
> Mike H. - theREALmike  
> Stan - stanwithaplan  
> Ben - newkidontheblock  
> Mike W. - theFAKEmike  
> Dustin - compassgenius  
> Lucas - therationalone  
> Will - thefreshprince  
> Eleven - x  
> Max - zoomzoombitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I've officially started writing my first Group-chat fic! I wrote chapters 1-3 over the course of 18-20ish hours while I was sick and originally planned for it to be the first chapter, but I didn't want chapter one to be 12,000 words and then the rest be shorter haha. So, I apologize if this chapter ends in a weird place. Stay tuned towards the end of the notes for a special surprise I have planned for every chapter! I'm only seen it done by one other author before (tobylove is an amazing writer go check out their beautiful works!!) but I'm doing it a little differently. I hope you enjoy the beginning of this fic :D
> 
>  
> 
> Bill - buffalobill  
> Richie - lionel richie  
> Eddie - sqwedward  
> Beverly - beverage  
> Mike H. - theREALmike  
> Stan - stanwithaplan  
> Ben - newkidontheblock  
> Mike W. - theFAKEmike  
> Dustin - compassgenius  
> Lucas - therationalone  
> Will - thefreshprince  
> Eleven - x  
> Max - zoomzoombitch

**_stanwithaplan opened chatroom: “story time” at 9:47 p.m. EST_ **

 

**stanwithaplan:** Hello friends from around the world, my name is Stan and I am the host of this site who so expertly decided to waste too much money on Monster Hunting Equipment and McDonald's, resulting in me going very broke :/

 

**stanwithaplan:** Therefore, my site is closing down tomorrow morning

 

**stanwithaplan:** So! I decided to host one last story time where we can all geek out about each other’s experiences with the secret world others don’t know of.

 

**stanwithaplan:** I’m thinking of starting at 10:00 Eastern time depending on how many people have joined by then. I’m expecting new and old visitors, so when you join make sure to introduce yourself with basic information.

 

**stanwithaplan:** I’ll go first.

 

**stanwithaplan:** Hello, my name is Stan Uris for those who are new. I’m a 24 y/o student from Montreal and I’m mainly studying Human and Environmental Sciences right now.

 

**_beverage joined chatroom: “story time” at 2:52 a.m. GMT_ **

 

**beverage:** stan the man!! glad i could make it before the big close, i’ve stayed up super late just for this! 

 

**stanwithaplan:** Welcome Bev! I didn’t expect you here, it’s really late for you.

 

**beverage:** ooh i just read. hey everyone in the future since its just staniel rn, i’m beverly, 25, and livin’ life like larry in the good ol’ land of the brits

 

**_thefreshprince joined chatroom: “story time” at 9:54 p.m. EST_ **

 

**stanwithaplan:** Please… I swear to God if this is Will...

 

**beverage:** sHITTING MYSELF LMAO BRB

 

**beverage:** AT FIRST I WAS CONFUSED AND THEN I PLAYED THE SONG IN MY HEAD AND IM

 

**thefreshprince:** Hi, I’m Will -

 

**stanwithaplan:** Oh no…

 

**thefreshprince:** and this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned -

 

**thefreshprince:** U P S I D E - D O W N 

 

**stanwithaplan:** What was past me thinking when I made changeable usernames an option…

 

**_buffalobill joined chatroom: “story time” at 9:57 p.m. EST_ **

 

**_lionel richie joined chatroom: “story time” at 9:57 p.m. EST_ **

 

**lionel richie:** boobs

 

**buffalobill:** Hey, I heard about the website closing party on social media, is that tonight? I’m Bill and my friend Richie is joining too if we have the right time.

 

**buffalobill:** jFC RICHIE I SAID MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION LOOK WHAT YOU DID

 

**beverage:** LMAO

 

**lionel richie:** excuse me billburt, but i am making a good impression! everyone likes boobs!

 

**beverage:** RT

 

**stanwithaplan:** I’m gay, so you’re wrong, but welcome Richie and Bill.

 

**thefreshprince:** I don’t like boobs or dick sorry bud ur wrong x2

 

**lionel richie:** omg will smith im a big fan can u sign my ass

 

**_theREALmike joined chatroom: “story time” at 8:59 p.m. CST_ **

 

**thefreshprince:** sorry mr. richie, i don’t like ass either :p

 

**theREALmike:** oh okay i can come back later

 

**stanwithaplan:** Hey Mike! We have newcomers!

 

**theREALmike:** I can tell, one of them has horrible taste in music and the other killed thousands of animals

 

**lionel richie:** _ hello _

 

**lionel richie:** _ is it me ur lookin for ;)  _

 

**buffalobill:** no he just uses it for the meme, and i was going for the serial killer but thinking about it i guess both of those options don’t make a good first impression whoops

 

**lionel richie:** FUCKIN HYPOCRITE 

 

**_zoomzoombitch joined chatroom: “story time” at 6:01 p.m. PST_ **

 

**zoomzoombitch:** whoa am i late, one sec i’m gonna read through

 

**beverage:** i cant tell if i like ur name bc its memey or edgy

 

**buffalobill:** Anyway, for an official introduction, I’m Bill. Richie and I are both 23 and we live in Maine, we’ve been friends since 1st grade. Neither of us are in college yet, we’re waiting for a while until we figure it all out. We’ve got some really interesting stories that we think you guys may wanna hear.

 

**lionel richie:** yeet sauce

 

**stanwithaplan:** Well, welcome to both of you! It’s nice to see new names on here even if it’s just for one more night. I don’t recognize zoom either, are you new as well?

 

**_compassgenius joined chatroom: “story time” at 6:03 p.m. PST_ **

 

**compassgenius:** hey guys

 

**theREALmike:** dustin!!

 

**thefreshprince:** hey dustin! 

 

**zoomzoombitch:** woops sorry i just finished reading through

 

**zoomzoombitch:** sup i’m max, 22 cali, and im here bc aliens are fuckin lit

 

**stanwithaplan:** That will be super cool to hear about! Thanks for joining in, Max.

 

**_sqwedward joined chatroom: “story time” at 10:06 p.m. EST_ **

 

**_therationalone joined chatroom: “story time” at 10:07 p.m. EST_ **

 

**buffalobill** **_:_ ** hey! i’ll save u guys time, tell us ur name, age, location, and a lil bit bout urself!

 

**sqwedward:** oh, okay! I’m Eddie, I’m 21 and currently in New York for college. I’m majoring in medicine. 

 

**therationalone:** thanks buffalo, I’m Lucas from ATL, 23, I’m an intern for a production company, I work with editing and filming scenes for commercials and music videos.

 

**stanwithaplan:** It’s nice to meet you guys! We haven’t had new members since Will joined almost 9 months ago. Mike and Will, tell a little bit more about yourself!

 

**theREALmike:** Sure thing boss :)

 

**_theFAKEmike joined the chatroom: “story time” at 10:10 p.m. EST_ **

 

**theFAKEmike:** MICHAEL DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING DIE!?

 

**theREALmike:** yes 

 

**theREALmike:** i always do

 

**lionel richie:** hahah mike’s got good memes

 

**theREALmike:** i take back what i said abt ur name ur my new fav richie, besides stan ofc

 

**beverage:** [iamtriggered.gif]

 

**theREALmike:** ily bev im sorry

 

**theFAKEmike:** I WAS GONNA USE THAT NAME BUT YOU TOOK IT

 

**theFAKEmike:** WE ARE BOTH MIKE. THERE IS NO REAL MIKE.

 

**theREALmike:** Alright everyone this is other Mike aka Nerd Mike, he lives in the middle of nowhere in Indiana and is the fake Mike. He is blinded by this fact because since he is the fake Mike he is unaware of his lack of existence. 

 

**stanwithaplan:** Mike, why couldn’t you just choose another name?

 

**theFAKEmike:** [sunglasses emoji]

 

**theREALmike:** but i was here first!! that’s unfair stan!!

 

**stanwithaplan:** I was talking to fake Mike.

 

**theFAKEmike:** WOW I’VE BEEN BETRAYED OKAY

 

**theREALmike:** have i ever told you that i love you stanley uris

 

**_theFAKEmike changed his username to mikewheelie_ **

 

**_theFAKEmike changed theREALmike’s username to farmersonly.com_ **

 

**mikewheelie:** is this better  _ dad _

 

**farmersonly.com:** suprisingly, im fine with this

 

**stanwithaplan:** I didn’t even know you could do that, I thought only admins were able to do that?

 

**mikewheelie:** yeah… 

 

**stanwithaplan:** ??

 

**mikewheelie:** Like Farm Mike said, I’m Mike and I’m 22, I live in Indiana and work at the local factory where I make my own inventions all day pretty much, it’s pretty cool actually

 

**lionel richie:** sounds dorky

 

**mikewheelie:** hm okay i’ll let you call me dorky once you grow up, actually go to college, and find a better pun for your username :)

 

**thefreshprince:** shit i can FEEL the aggression behind that smile holy shit

 

**buffalobill:** damn rich u got roasted just now 

 

**zoomzoombitch:** i don’t know u but nerd mike has earned my respect the most so far

 

**beverage:** did dustin die?

 

**buffalobill:** ..oh yeah

 

**therationalone:** who?

 

**sqwedward:** who?

 

**beverage:** my point exactly

 

**stanwithaplan:** Dunno, I’ll private message him brb

 

**farmersonly.com:** did stan just say brb??

 

**thefreshprince:** [shook.gif]

 

**farmersonly.com:** Hello I am the real Mike, as previously referred to as “Farm Mike” by the wonderful Nerd Mike. I’m the grandpa because I’m currently the oldest, 26. I work on my grandpa’s farm in Alabama and that’s the only thing Mike likes to make fun of me for

 

**_newkidontheblock joined chatroom: “story time” at 12:23 p.m. AEST_ **

 

**buffalobill:** shit stan’s not here

 

**sqwedward:** holy crap look at the time dif

 

**lionel richie:** are u chinese

 

**lionel richie:** my 2nd grandma is chinese

 

**lionel richie:** _ do you even speak english?? _

 

**newkidontheblock:** ...i live in australia

 

**lionel richie:** HE SPEAKS

 

**therationalone:** jfc leave him alone ur probs weirding him out

 

**beverage:** no

 

**therationalone:** you don’t think he’s being a little weird??

 

**beverage:** not that

 

**beverage:** i’m thinking...

 

**therationalone:** ??

 

**newkidontheblock:** uh hey, i’m gonna introduce myself like everyone else

 

**newkidontheblock:** i’m ben, i’m 23 and live near the coast. i love swimming and sea animals, i’m currently studying marine biology! i moved to australia from texas when i was eight and i love it here! :)

 

**lionel richie:** so do u have a sexy aussie accent or did u move over there too late?

 

**therationalone:** DUDE. STOP.

 

**beverage:** ben

 

**beverage:** is your username a  _ new kids on the block _ reference…?

 

**newkidontheblock:** uhm

 

**newkidontheblock:** …maybe

 

**lionel richie:** kakakdjakkajaahagata

 

**thefreshprince:** oh god

 

**newkidontheblock:** is that a problem?

 

**zoomzoombitch:** yes

 

**beverage:** i’m crying

 

**newkidontheblock:** what?! i’m sorry!? don’t cry!!

 

**newkidontheblock:** i didn’t mean to upset u!!

 

**beverage:** crying harder

 

**buffalobill:** beverly…?

 

**thefreshprince:** u broke her ben

 

**farmersonly.com:** bev… i never thought this day would come...

 

**beverage:** NOT ONLY DOES THIS NEW BEN LIKE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK

 

**beverage:** BUT HE IS PURE AND SWEET 

 

**newkidontheblock:** wait so liking them isn’t a bad thing??

 

**zoomzoombitch:** no it’s definitely a bad thing

 

**stanwithaplan:** I am back! Quoting Dustin, he was “taking a well deserved and much needed shit.”

 

**mikewheelie:** he needed to shit for 30 minutes??

 

**compassgenius:** hey when a man’s gotta poo, a man’s gotta poo

 

**sqwedward:** nasty

 

**stanwithaplan:** Well, may I have a summarized update on what happened while I was gone?

 

**farmersonly.com:** I explained how I am the old man of our chatroom group, Ben joined and Richie accused him of being chinese

 

**farmersonly.com:** aaaaand currently bev is crying bc they both have horrible taste in music and he is soft for cute animals

 

**lionel richie:** hey whats up with u and bashing people for their tastes in music?

 

**therationalone:** yeah okay i agree with him actually, what do you listen that is supposedly better than what we all listen to?

 

**thefreshprince:** oh n o

 

**beverage:** i tEMPORARILY STOPPED CRYING TO SAY THAT LUCAS YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY FUCKED UP HAHA OKAY BACK TO SOBBING

 

**buffalobill:** just… make sure u drink water or you’ll get dehydrated

 

**beverage:** wow okay mom

 

**thefreshprince:** but… ur mom…?

 

**thefreshprince:** does that mean bill is grandma?

 

**buffalobill:** what

 

**sqwedward:** haha i like bev, sassy and sarcastic even while bawling over perfect guys

 

**sqwedward:** i’ve never related to anything more

 

**lionel richie:** i’ve never related to anything more

 

**buffalobill:** i’ve never related to anything more

 

**compassgenius:** i’ve never related to anything more

 

**beverage:** i’ve never related to anything more

 

**therationalone:** i’ve never related to anything more

 

**stanwithaplan:** I have never related to anything more.

 

**farmersonly.com:** i’ve never related to anything more

 

**zoomzoombitch:** ick. men.

 

**mikewheelie:** i’ve never related to anything more

 

**thefreshprince:** i’ve never related to anything more

 

**newkidontheblock:** i’ve never related to anything more?

 

**lionel richie:** #squadgoals

 

**therationalone:** don’t ruin it

 

**compassgenius:** Anyway, I’m Dustin and I’m 24. I live in Cali and run a radio show! I also do musical theater on the side but not too many people I know in person know that about me

 

**zoomzoombitch:** dude where in cali? we should hunt for monsters and shit sometime

 

**compassgenius:** sacramento, you?

 

**zoomzoombitch:** ughhff pasadena, like 5 ½ hours :p

 

**newkidontheblock:** hey it’s better than what i’ve got! it would probs take me at least 14 hours just to get to you guys, for everyone else it’d be longer to reach them 

 

**beverage:** why do all of the perfect men live 22 hours away :,)

 

**newkidontheblock:** perfect men..?

 

**lionel richie:** literally the only two humans who like new kids on the block in 2017 live halfway around the world from each other

 

**lionel richie:** _ good _

 

**lionel richie:** that way it wont spread

 

**stanwithaplan:** GUYS IT’S 10:43 AND WE HAVE UNTIL 12:00 WHEN THE WEBSITE CLOSES WE GOTTA START

 

**thefreshprince:** stan used all caps

 

**farmersonly.com:** scary

 

**mikewheelie:** fierce gurl

 

**farmersonly.com:** never again

 

**stanwithaplan:** Okay! Let’s go around and share one quick and short version of our greatest finding, experience, or story with the mysteries of our universe!

 

**stanwithaplan:** I’ll go first :)

 

**stanwithaplan:** Now, I’m a lover of all cryptids, but my favorite is perhaps the most classic of them all. Bigfoot. A majority of my hunts have been searches through woods ranging in proximity of my house and over the years I have collected a lot of data.

 

**stanwithaplan:** But tonight, I decided to surprise the previous guests and open the new ones to a story that has never been told before.

 

**beverage:** whoa… stan really? 

 

**compassgenius:** wow i’m surprised, totally thought stan would blow out the big one for tonight with the famous ‘Teen boy of 16 years called every news station around him, three showing up, claiming he has captured bigfoot but turned out to accidentally tie his mom to his tree trap.”

 

**zoomzoombitch:** iM FUCKI- THAT WAS YOU!?? LMAO THAT WAS ALL OVER THE INTERNET

 

**lionel richie:** OMG HOLY SHIT BILL WE’RE TALKING TO ACTUAL BRACE FACE DISGRACE TO THE MONSTER HUNTER RACE

 

**buffalobill:** for clarification stan, only richie called you that and i sincerely apologize on his behalf

 

**stanwithaplan:** No sweat Bill, I didn’t know that story had gone so widespread though…

 

**sqwedward:** I REMEMBER THAT OH MY GOD THE KIDS IN MY CLASS WOULDNT STOP PLAYING IT

 

**therationalone:** i hate to join in, but my ringtone was your mom screaming when they shined the cameras and lights in her face for two years…

 

**thefreshprince:** omg bless mrs. uris, “AGAHG stANLEY YOURE IN A HEAP OF TROUBLE YOUNG MAN aaaaAAAAGH THE LIGHTS”

 

**therationalone:** i take it back, i never changed my ringtone whoops…

 

**stanwithaplan:** I cannot believe I am still getting bullied! Just when I was about to tell an amazing and unheard story!

 

**buffalobill:** Sorry Stan, go ahead! I’m eager to hear!

 

**stanwithaplan:** :)

 

**farmersonly.com:** that was soft oh my goodness stanley

 

**stanwithaplan:** ):

 

**stanwithaplan:** So! Like I was saying…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys let's see where we are at so far!! 
> 
> //
> 
> buffalobill: wow thanks to richie i probably look like an idiot, all i wanted to do was make a good first impression smh
> 
> lionelrichie: ik bill is probably complaining about me lmao bUT CAN YOU BELIEVE STAN IS THE FUCKING KID WITH THE BRACES AND WAS THE LITERAL MEME STARTER PACK OF BIGFOOT HUNTING LMAO IM FLIPPING MY SHIT
> 
> sqwedward: i'm,, super shy,, also when i made the comment about crying over perfect guys i think i just made half of the people come out on accident i'm sorry,,
> 
> beverage: I'll be loving you forever just as long as you want me to be. I'll be loving you forever all this love's for you and me, yeah (I'll be loving you) I'll be (I'll be loving you) loving you (The things you do) Yeah, it's forever (I'll be loving you) I'll be (I'll be loving you) loving you, yeah 
> 
> farmersonly.com: mike is a ho because he made me change my name :(
> 
> stanwithaplan: i was juST ABOUT TO TELL MY STORY I WIL- no, okay stan-STAN! calm down... calm-just!.. deep breaths stanny boy
> 
> newkidontheblock: All that I needed was you~ oh girl, you're so right~ and all that I wanted was you~ you made all (my dreams come true) <3 for bev
> 
> mikewheelie: mike is a ho because he stole my name :(
> 
> compassgenius: ayo i had to shit and i missed like everything wassup
> 
> therationalone: i'm guilty... i purposely never changed my ringtone... BUT IT'S A CLASSIC CAN YOU BLAME ME?
> 
> thefreshprince: the fresh prince of bel air has been playing on a ten hour loop in another window,,, save me,,,
> 
> x
> 
> zoomzoombitch: hell yeah!! i don't know anyone in cali who wants to hunt or chat with aliens with me :( even tho dustin lives almost 6 hours away, maybe i'll have someone to hang with!! 
> 
> //
> 
>  
> 
> ayyyy! how was that? i'm going to do that for every chapter! hope you enjoyed! the first three chapters are all up in the same day, so keep reading if you'd like!!


	2. "you’ve been blessed by farm mike u lucky bastard"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here is the second chapter!! or 1/3 of the true chapter one lol
> 
> Bill - buffalobill  
> Richie - lionel richie  
> Eddie - sqwedward  
> Beverly - beverage  
> Mike H. - farmersonly.com  
> Stan - stanwithaplan  
> Ben - newkidontheblock  
> Mike W. - mikewheelie  
> Dustin - compassgenius  
> Lucas - therationalone  
> Will - thefreshprince  
> Eleven - x  
> Max - zoomzoombitch

**stanwithaplan:** So! Like I was saying…

 

**stanwithaplan:** After my grandma died when I was 6, a lot of her household items and furniture were automatically given to us, which some we accepted but had thrown a lot of the rest away.

 

**stanwithaplan:** But… there was this painting that I had never seen in her house before. My dad didn’t remember seeing it when he was a kid either, but regardless had decided to hang it up in his office.

 

**stanwithaplan:** He knew it had creeped me out, so if I was ever in trouble or if my grades were low, he would lock me in his office.

 

**beverage:** i’ve never liked your dad but there is so much more that i don’t know that is making me not like him even more with every msg you send

 

**stanwithaplan:** The painting was of a lady, I was assuming a deceased relative I hadn’t meant or a friend of my grandma’s, seeing as the tag on the back had “Commissioned for Uris - PW” 

 

**stanwithaplan:** But the lady in the photo wasn’t just creepy… it was like her face was messed up. I was slanted and deformed, and her face looked evil. I always felt like it would watch me when I was alone with it in the room.

 

**lionel richie:** update on me: stan is a scary man i will not mess with anymore and i’ve shit myself just about 10 times already 

 

**farmersonly.com:** rt

 

**buffalobill:** will u actually leave him alone tho rich?

 

**stanwithaplan:** So this painting has still continued to scare me to this day. The lady would appear in my nightmares, almost like she was in my memories too, but there was one day that had truthfully sparked my true fear.

 

**stanwithaplan:** I was 13 and preparing for my bar mitzvah, my dad is the rabbi and forced me to learn all of this extra stuff about jewish culture that I wasn’t passionate about only because he wanted it. I was supposed to memorize a scripture from the Torah to perform but even when I tried I couldn’t wrap my head around it. 

 

**stanwithaplan:** One day, he lost it and took out his anger. I’m not going to go into to much detail but after he finished punishing me he shoved me into the office and locked me in there. When he slammed the door, the painting had fallen off the wall.

 

**stanwithaplan:** Naturally, I went to pick it up because if I hadn’t I would’ve been in even more trouble. My hands were shaking and I didn’t look at the painting as I hung it back up on the wall with difficulty. But, when someone tells you not to do something, a little part of you wonders what will happen if you go against them and do it anyway, even if that someone telling you happens to be yourself.

 

**stanwithaplan:** I wish I hadn’t, but I peeked one of my eyes open before falling back onto the floor. The painting was blank. 

 

**lionel richie:** did u maybe just,, idk,, hang it up backwards??

 

**stanwithaplan:** Well, the painting wasn’t blank actually… The background behind her was still there, it was just a dark green and black gradient, but she wasn’t in the painting.

 

**stanwithaplan:** Outside it had started to rain pretty hard and I sat in the corner, overaware of everything around me, making sure that she wasn’t there, but the painting was still empty and I was still locked up. 

 

**stanwithaplan:** A door creaked, I jumped and thought it was my father to let me out so I ran up, but the door was still closed. That is where I made my first mistake, I heard flute music emerge from quietly behind me and I froze.

 

**stanwithaplan:** The lady in the painting was holding a flute.

 

**stanwithaplan:** I still don’t move and I am doing everything in my power not to scream. Before I realize it, I’m turning around, but my legs aren’t spinning me. It was so slow and I remember it clear as day because when I was turned, the lady stood over me and I was stuck. 

 

**stanwithaplan:** No matter what I tried I still couldn’t move, I was stuck in the moment. She moved faster than comprehensible to me, but I remember she flashed a smile with ugly sharp teeth before jolting me and hot pain burning through the sides of my face.

 

**stanwithaplan:** And if this isn’t already weird and creepy as shit, just wait-

 

**stanwithaplan:** I felt the pain for only a couple seconds, surrounded by white light which I thought might’ve been death, but then I jolted awake in my bed and I was covered in sweat. 

 

**stanwithaplan:** I thought that maybe it was a weird dream, but I knew I was lying to myself. The sides of my face still stung, so if it was a dream there was no way that could’ve happened.

 

**stanwithaplan:** When I went to the bathroom to wash up, scars ran down both sides of my face like teeth marks almost. I still have them too.

 

**stanwithaplan:** The weirdest part of it all, I asked my dad about the painting the next day, I waited for them to say something about the scars on my face, but they said they couldn’t see anything on my face.

 

**stanwithaplan:** My dad responded with: “What painting, Stanley. My office is my clean space, always has been. I’m never letting your mother cover my walls with the paintings, that’s what the rest of the house is for.”

 

**stanwithaplan:** I checked, it was gone. Not there at all. They had no memory of it, it had disappeared, and my scars could only be seen by me.

 

**zoomzoombitch:** consider me #shook

 

**therationalone:** shit dude…

 

**beverage:** stAN WHY HAVE WE NEVER HEARD THIS BEFORE??

 

**farmersonly.com:** ^^

 

**mike wheelie:** ^^^^ !!

 

**stanwithaplan:** i was saving it for a good time!!

 

**skwedward:** hey stan it’s like 11:24 just saying

 

**stanwithaplan:** FUCK SHIT

 

**buffalobill:** 0-0

 

**lionel richie:** furry

 

**newkidontheblock:** i don’t think all of us will have enough time to speak

 

**farmersonly.com:** stan cussing in all caps with improper grammar is my aesthetic

 

**thefreshprince:** rt but also not rt bc stan is scary as shit when he’s angry

 

**beverage:** will speaks the truth

 

**thefreshprince:** bev is the loml

 

**beverage:** babe <33333

 

**thefreshprince:** <3

 

**farmersonly.com:** _ soft _

 

**newkidontheblock:** is beverage dating thefreshprince?

 

**mike wheelie:** LMAO 

 

**compassgenius:** brb cryinf

 

**therationalone:** crying*

 

**compassgenius:** lucas is officielly my least favorite of the new members

 

**therationalone:** officially*

 

**compassgenius:** i will shit in ur mouth

 

**farmersonly.com:** kinky

 

**skwedward:** kinky

 

**farmersonly.com:** thx sqweddie :)

 

**lionel richie:** why bub? u LIKE her?

 

**newkidontheblock:** what? i haven’t known any of you for more than an hour?

 

**lionel richie:** i see through ur lies bub

 

**newkidontheblock:** my name is actually ben

 

**zoomzoombitch:** i’m in me mum’s car

 

**lionel richie:** get out me car!

 

**zoomzoombitch:** aww :(

 

**therationalone:** that literaly doesn’t connect to anything that was previously said in the chat 

 

**compassgenius:** LITERALLY*

 

**therationalone:** literally*

 

**compassgenius:** HAH I BEAT YOU

 

**compassgenius:** HOW DOES IT FEEL

 

**therationalone:** i cannot believe this…

 

**thefreshprince:** max ily that vine is the best

 

**zoomzoombitch:** thanks will smith

 

**beverage:** OMG I JUST GOT THAT UR USERNAME IS A DOUBLE PUN WILL OH MY GOD

 

**thefreshprince:** i’m a genius beverly, i know

 

**newkidontheblock:** good to know ur name isnt actually beverage

 

**beverage:** that was weirdly one of the cutest sentences ever i love aussie ben <3

 

**newkidontheblock:** :)

 

**beverage:** MR HEART DID A FLIPPY THING

 

**buffalobill:** did u name ur heart mr. heart

 

**beverage:** did you just pull a lucas

 

**therationalone:** i guess everyone is just gonna roast me okay cool (:

 

**mike wheelie:** the backwards smiley is definitely more passive agressive than this one :)

 

**zoomzoombitch:** agreed

 

**thefreshprince:** aussie ben to answer ur question, bev and i are besties but we’re not dating

 

**thefreshprince:** i’m asexual :)

 

**newkidontheblock:** oh

 

**newkidontheblock:** cool :)

 

**farmersonly.com:** this kid is the softest kid okay just 

 

**farmersonly.com:** /inhale/

 

**farmersonly.com:** _ b l e s s _

 

**compassgenius:** oh my god

 

**mike wheelie:** you’ve been blessed by farm mike u lucky bastard

 

**skwedward:** i’ve been here for an hour and i feel like being blessed by farm mike is more important than any other achievement 

 

**newkidontheblock:** aw, i feel loved

 

**newkidontheblock:** thanks mike :)

 

**buffalobill:** is mr. heart okay? 

 

**farmersonly.com:** yeah where did stan go?

 

**beverage:** no he’S DOING FULL ON SOMERSAULTS IN MY CHEST BEN IS SUCH AN ANGEL

 

**farmersonly.com:** oh haha

 

**farmersonly.com:** u weren’t talking about stan haha ignore me

 

**buffalobill:** … 

 

**thefreshprince:** EXPOSE HIM

 

**mike wheelie:** is tHERE SOMETHING U HAVE TO TELL US MIKE? 

 

**mike wheelie:** [lennyface.jpg]

 

**compassgenius:** grrrrrrrrrrr ~

 

**therationalone:** pls never do that again

 

**zoomzoombitch:** sorry dustin but rt

 

**compassgenius:** i’ve been betrayed by my own potential monster hunting buddy

 

**zoomzoombitch:** sorry <3

 

**beverage:** wait mike does that mean that u aren’t the str80 we thought u were

 

**lionel richie:** thank u for opening me up to that usage of 80 for ‘aighty’ m80

 

**beverage:** no prob’ slim sh80

 

**buffalobill:** bev is jesus

 

**thefreshprince:** agreed

 

**skwedward:** don’t feel forced to say anything btw mike

 

**therationalone:** yeah if u aren’t ready or comfortable to talk about it, it’s fine

 

**newkidontheblock:** ^^

 

**zoomzoombitch:** ^^

 

**farmersonly.com:** oh nah it’s all good, I just thought y’all knew already

 

**mike wheelie:** “y’all”

**farmersonly.com:** -_-

 

**farmersonly.com:** but yeet i’m pan 

 

**beverage:** aw coolio! for those who don’t me i’m bi :)

 

**lionel richie:** i’m bi too

 

**zoomzoombitch:** hardcore lesbian :)

 

**buffalobill:** questioning rn, but i think i’m homoflexible? maybe?

 

**compassgenius:** heteroflexible for me

 

**newkidontheblock:** i’m your boring old straight kid :,)

 

**mike wheelie:** me too ben no worries u aren’t the only one hah

 

**newkidontheblock:** <3 bro

 

**mike wheelie:** <3 broo

 

**zoomzoombitch:** i’m not the only one who heard that message right?

 

**thefreshprince:** yep, sounds like that one vine in my head

 

**zoomzoombitch:** EXACTLY

 

**lionel richie:** bless finally someone who appreciates vines //coughbillcough//

 

**buffalobill:** sorrY that i enjoy actual comedy!

 

**lionel richie:** … you like Jim Carrey movies

 

**beverage:** oof 

 

**skwedward:** gay

 

**skwedward:** i’m 

 

**skwedward:** gay i

 

**skwedward:** I AM GAY

 

**lionel richie:** u good there eddie spaghetti?

 

**skwedward:** sorry i was late w/ responding bc lauper had to go to the bathroom and my phone kept fucking up

 

**skwedward:** also yikes bill sorry but jim carrey movies are the lowest of low

 

**buffalobill:** :(

 

**skwedward:** also also do nOT call me that richie

 

**compassgenius:** is ur dog named after cyndi lauper…

 

**thefreshprince:** oof 

 

**buffalobill:** and u make fun of me smh

 

**skwedward:** um number one, cyndi lauper is an actual goddess her music is amazing

 

**skwedward:** and number two, i don’t have a dog. lauper is a teacup piggie :)

 

**lionel richie:** _ fuck _

 

**beverage:** number one, agreed cyndi lauper is a bop

 

**beverage:** number two OMG I LOVE THOSE GIMME

 

**lionel richie:** number one, disagree. more like cyndi leper

 

**skwedward:** i just gagged oh my god don’t

 

**lionel richie:** number two, i can’t believe u are a man in ur young twenties living in new york with a teacup pig named after cyndi lauper. u are the  _ literal  _ gay stereotype. now if u paint ur nails, wear pastel, and are a germaphobe which seems to be true after u gagged at the word leper, it’ll be an 100% match with gay city boy.

 

**buffalobill:** …richie? u good?

 

**lionel richie:** so? how accurate am i?

 

**skwedward:** … no comment

 

**newkidontheblock:** how the fuck

 

**beverage:** THE PURE CUSSED 

 

**BEVERAGE:** I BLAME RICHIE

 

**therationalone:** how did u capitalize ur username

 

**thefreshprince:** bev is steaming so hard that her computer is angry

 

**lionel richie:** should i run

 

**buffalobill:** we literally live in maine richie, she’s in the uk

 

**mike wheelie:** bill my guy, do not underestimate bev

 

**farmersonly.com:** biggest mistake of my life

 

**compassgenius:** good luck living richie

 

**newkidontheblock:** bev i’m sorry it wasn’t richie it was me!

 

**beverage:** hmm

 

**beverage:** okay i won’t kill him

 

**beverage:** but…

 

**beverage changed lionel richie’s username to richieisadeadman**

 

**beverage:** there :)

 

**richieisadeadman:** she took my meme!

 

**zoomzoombitch:** twas a bad meme anyway

 

**richieisadeadman:** twas not!

 

**richieisadeadman:** _ hello _

 

**richieisadeadman:** _ is it me ur looking for  _

 

**zoomzoombitch:** well i would give you  _ Endless Love, _ but i’m rlly gay and want  _ To Love A Woman _ much more than love a man… so  _ Goodbye. _

 

**compassgenius:** …

 

**mike wheelie:** lmaooo

 

**buffalobill:** get fucked richie

 

**newkidontheblock:** richie just got out-richied wowzers

 

**_beverage took a screenshot of the chat_ **

 

**beverage:** wowzers T-T

 

**beverage:** i’m sorry but i had to save that

 

**farmersonly.com:** now u have screenshots of richie getting fucked hah

 

**skwedward:** oof i came back from feeding lauper at a wrong time didn’t i? bc that sounds rlly bad out of context… should i even attempt scrolling up?

 

**richieisadeadman:** ;) go ahead eds

 

**skwedward:** i’m scared AND DON’T CALL ME THAT EITHER

 

**farmersonly.com:** guess we know who doesn’t like pet names in the bedroom

 

**thefreshprince:** or he rlly does and he’s getting embarassed ;)

 

**richieisadeadman:** chokes what

 

**beverage:** WILLIAM

 

**mike wheelie:** bev is such a mom :,)

 

**therationalone:** I know you guys were just kidding but my main man Lionel Richie was getting dissed and he deserves more respect.

 

**richieisadeadman:** thanks bby boy lucas

 

**therationalone:** I was talking about the actual Lionel Richie not the Richie with bad memes from Maine

 

**richieisadeadman:** bad memes from Maine? dunno him

 

**buffalobill:** i do sadly

 

**compassgenius:** get bamboozled

 

**zoomzoombitch:** dustin has officially gained back monster hunter partner points because he used the word bamboozled 

 

**compassgenius:** HECK YECK

 

**newkidontheblock:** oof

 

**beverage:** oof

 

**richieisadeadman:** oof

 

**buffalobill:** oof

 

**mike wheelie:** oof

 

**compassgenius:** i just got oofed by 5 of the 11 other people in here i’m hurt

 

**thefreshprince:** i didn’t oof u dustin i love you

 

**compassgenius:** thanks will smith ily

 

**newkidontheblock:** since i don’t know will and what he actually looks like i’m actually imagining the actual will smith sitting behind his computer screen at probably somewhere around midnight since most of u are using EST time and is chatting with a bunch of monster hunter and cryptid nerds

 

**thefreshprince:** but i am will smith

 

**thefreshprince:** _ west philadelphia born and raised on the playground is where i spend most of my days _

 

**therationalone:** I’m glad I’m not alone on that Ben haha

 

**richieisadeadman:** but ur username is literal theration alone

 

**mike wheelie:** yeah lucas wtf is a theration

 

**buffalobill:** wot in theration

 

**beverage:** u beat me by .2 seconds bill im laughing

 

**therationalone:** hold up im shaking

 

**therationalone:** i actually have tears in my eyes

 

**therationalone:** _ theration alone _

 

**skwedward:** oof

 

**skwedward:** sorry my phone is still fucking up i meant to send that after dustin said heck yeck 

 

**richieisadeadman:** ooh dang dustin get rektified

 

**compassgenius:** i stand corrected, 6 of 11 other people oofed me

 

**thefreshprince:** sorry bby ily <3

 

**newkidontheblock:** i dont get it though lucas whats so funny

 

**farmersonly.com:** update on me: after i grabbed a pickle from the fridge i checked the chat and spiffily looked up theration

 

**farmersonly.com:** not a fucking word lucas, explain

 

**therationalone:** guys

 

**therationalone:** _ guys _

 

**therationalone:** _ theration alone _

 

**therationalone:** _ the rational one _

 

**therationalone:** YOU SPLIT THE WORD WRONG EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU I’VE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD

 

**buffalobill:** o h

 

**mike wheelie:** hi i currently feel dumb

 

**zoomzoombitch:** hi currently feel dumb, i’m gay

 

**richieisadeadman:** //jUmpS Off cOunTer// i’M gAY

 

**skwedward:** me as a meme tbh

 

**mike wheelie:** wILL WENT AS HIM FOR HALLOWEEN LAST YEAR

 

**beverage:** SON WHAT

 

**thefreshprince:** MICHAEL WHEELER YOU HO

 

**beverage:** son watch ur language

 

**zoomzoombitch:** wAtch ur prOfAnity

 

**skwedward:** watch yo profanity ;;

 

**mike wheelie:** #twinsies

 

**zoomzoombitch:** idk mike i don’t wear pastel and own a teacup pig

 

**zoomzoombitch:** i skateboard 23/24 hours a day and my snake would eat his pig

 

**skwedward:** huRt?

 

**zoomzoombitch:** sorry eddie i’m just more man than you

 

**skwedward:** i’ll accept that tbh

 

**buffalobill:** i have a snake too! mine is all white, a blizzard corn snake if you’re familiar with that. she is the coolest noodle

 

**richieisadeadman:** i can vouch for that, She is the cutest and not a super big boy but not a tiny snipper either so she’s perfect wrap-around bracelet buddy :)

 

**beverage:** omg wow what’s her name

 

**buffalobill:** She

 

**therationalone:** just She? Like that’s her name?

 

**richieisadeadman:** yep :)) she’s my daughter

 

**buffalobill:** i did not condone this…

 

**buffalobill:** and yeah, my lil’ brother georgie and i shared her

 

**zoomzoombitch:** ick siblings

 

**richieisadeadman:** …

 

**buffalobill:** heh yeah…

 

**richieisadeadman:** what about you?

 

**zoomzoombitch:** i have a blue dendrelaphis punctulata!!

 

**richieisadeadman:** stan might know what that it is, looks jewish

 

**sqwedward:** it’s the scientific name for it u imbecile 

 

**farmersonly.com:** is that even legal in america?

 

**zoomzoombitch:** uhh… i actually don’t know

 

**newkidontheblock:** we have them in australia! my neighbor had one when I was 10

 

**richieisadeadman:** k seriouslytho like i’m literally the vine

 

**richieisadeadman:** sup i’m richie, i’m 23, and i apparently never learned how to fucking read

 

**richieisadeadman:** it looks like it says dreidl?! where the fuck is stan when you need him :(

 

**beverage:** uh, actually you have a good point… where the fuck is stan??

 

**thefreshprince:** mom!! language!!

 

**beverage:** sorry precious <3 

 

**richieisadeadman:** MASSEL TAV?! 

 

**buffalobill:** i have never been more disappointed to know you…

 

**therationalone:** massel tov*

 

**compassgenius:** FUCK OFF LUCAS

 

**therationalone:** iT’S A HABIT IT JUST HAPPENS I’M SORRY

 

**mikewheelie:** it’s literally 11:43… he’s going to miss his own site get shut down

 

**thefreshprince:** oh wow… i just had the sudden realization that this is probably the last time I’ll be able to talk to any of you ever again…

 

**beverage:** omg

 

**farmersonly.com:** shit dude… 

 

**mikewheelie:** but… all of our friends… 

 

**sqwedward:** about half of us only just joined tonight and i already feel so close to all of you

 

**compassgenius:** i was one of the first ones on here, i’ve been friends with some of you for years…

 

**newkidontheblock:** i wish stan would come back! i want to say goodbye to him!

 

**zoomzoombitch:** this fucking sucks. 

 

**zoomzoombitch:** this is the first time that ive felt like ive had real friends in a really long time

 

**buffalobill:** i don’t think i’ve ever clicked with any other group of people so quickly

 

**beverage:** tears are streaming rn

 

**beverage:** i was the first to find stan’s site almost 4 years ago

 

**beverage:** i won’t be able to watch him complain about dustin and his obnoxious shitty memes

 

**richieisadeadman:** mah man

 

**compassgenius:** he always has hated them haha…

 

**beverage:** i won’t be able to watch the mike's fight over that they were better than the other but then fight about how the other was actually better than them

 

**mikewheelie:** haha no matter what i said, i’ve always known that grandpa mike is the better mike

 

**farmersonly.com:** aww mike…

 

**farmersonly.com:** i know :)

 

**mikewheelie:** BOI

 

**farmersonly.com:** <3

 

**beverage:** my son will, he is so pure and actually funny and just the sweetest boy i truly love him so much. i don’t want to leave him.

 

**thefreshprince:** mom … <3 

 

**beverage:** it was so nice meeting all of you tonight bill, richie, eddie, max, lucas, and especially you new kid on the block <3

 

**zoomzoombitch:** i’m usually not super… affectionate…

 

**zoomzoombitch:** but uh

 

**zoomzoombitch:** <3

 

**zoomzoombitch:** that never happened btw

 

**farmersonly.com:** _ s o f t  _

  
  


**_beverage took a screenshot of the chat_ **

  
  


**_farmersonly.com took a screenshot of the chat_ **

  
  


**_thefreshprince took a screenshot of the chat_ **

  
  


**zoomzoombitch:** I SAID IT NEVER HAPPENED

 

**farmersonly.com:** too late u were soft u couldn’t return

 

**richieisadeadman:** bev i never got to see ur hot bod but ily 

 

**beverage:** ;) and its gonna stay that way

 

**buffalobill:** thank you all for being so nice and accepting of everyone else, even if it was more about memes than actual cryptids…

 

**sqwedward:** i got made fun of for my taste in music and style but i still had the most fun within the past 1 ½ hours than i’ve had in years

 

**richieisadeadman:** ur life must be pretty boring then

 

**therationalone:** do you ever shut up richie?? also thank you bev and everyone else, i love you all too!

 

**buffalobill:** no he doesn’t. try living with him for 16 years :)

 

**newkidontheblock:** oof rest in pieces buffalobill

 

**newkidontheblock:** thank u bev, i wish i could’ve known u better :(

 

**zoomzoombitch:** …

 

**newkidontheblock:** uh that goes for all of you i mean

 

**newkidontheblock:** i worded it weirdly… i guess…

 

**mikewheelie:** think u broke bev she isn’t answering lol

 

**beverage:** crying harder aCK

 

**compassgenius:** we have 2 minutes…

 

**thefreshprince:** yep… 

 

**farmersonly.com:** how should we go out?

 

**richieisadeadman:** with a bang obv

 

**mikewheelie:** meaning..?

 

**_11001011101010010101000010101101001110 joined chatroom: “story time” at 00:00 T_ **

 

**zoomzoombitch:** richie?

 

**richieisadeadman:** uh actually no i didnt do that

 

**richieisadeadman:** but great timing anon :)

 

**therationalone:** stanley, is that you?

 

**11001011101010010101000010101101001110:** **_i ~~sthistherightchatroom?~~_ **

 

**compassgenius:** ooh edgy

 

**thefreshprince:** stan ur prank sucks and ur website closes in 1 minute so get back on and say goodbye

 

**11001011101010010101000010101101001110:** ~~ **_canyouguysreadthesemessages?_ ** ~~

 

**buffalobill:** don’t do it pls

 

**richieisadeadman:** “ **richieisadeadman:** sup i’m richie, i’m 23, and i apparently never learned how to fucking read”  _ sent at 11:40 p.m. EST _

 

**buffalobill:** i hate you

 

**mikewheelie:** ITS ENDING IN 10 SECONDS GUYS

 

**beverage:** AH OMG BYE ILY ALL <333

 

**buffalobill:** <3

 

**farmersonly.com:** <3

 

**newkidontheblock:** <3

 

**zoomzoombitch:** <3

 

**mikewheelie:** <3

 

**therationalone:** <3

 

**richieisadeadman:** <3

 

**sqwedward:** <3

 

**compassgenius:** <3

 

**thefreshprince:** <3 goodbye bev

 

 **11001011101010010101000010101101001110:** ~~**_waitwhat_**~~

  
  


**_Error 101: The web address for:_ ** [ **_www.stanwithaplan.com/forums/chatroom/1vdfwr35h_story_time/my_friends_/_ ** ](http://www.stanwithaplan.com/forums/chatroom/1vdfwr35h_story_time/my_friends_/) **_is unavailable because the host IP has been ceased. Sorry for the Inconvenience_ **

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh noo!! let's see how everyone is doing :(
> 
> //
> 
> buffalobill: oh wow,, i feel so sad,, i was only just starting to get to know them
> 
> richieisadeadman: ...shut up...i'm only tearing up cause i feel bad for all of the people who only dream of having a dick as big as mine...shut up
> 
> sqwedward: i'm suddenly wishing i would've talked more...
> 
> beverage: these people have been my friends for up to the past four years of my life... i feel like i've lost a piece of myself...
> 
> farmersonly.com: i just realized i never told them about my taste in music :( oh and that i never will be able to :((
> 
> stanwithaplan: ...
> 
> newkidontheblock: bev :(
> 
> mikewheelie: i need a minute...
> 
> compassgenius: i'm just glad i won't have to talk to lucas again what a prick
> 
> therationalone: i'm just glad i won't have to talk to dustin again what a prick
> 
> thefreshprince: mom :( papa stan :( grandpa mike :( my friends :(
> 
> 11001011101010010101000010101101001110: what even just happened...
> 
> zoomzoombitch: i'm not crying... i... that would be weird i don't... who am i kidding? :(
> 
> //
> 
> :((( but worry not!! keep reading!! i mean how would it be a group-chat fic with only two chapters of group chat???


	3. "stan u jewish sex lord, come over here and touch my farm tuchus"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> welcome back losers and party bois! here's the longest part of unofficial chapter 1 which is technically chapter three,,, but enjoy!
> 
> also i'm crying @ this title i'm a comedic genius 
> 
> Bill - billiam.denbro  
> Richie - bitchfuckdamnshit  
> Eddie - xX_eddie_cutie_Xx  
> Beverly - missbevvyprincess  
> Mike H. - mikes-hands  
> Stan - stanthemanlyman  
> Ben - aussiboi  
> Mike W. - mike_hot_wheeler69  
> Dustin - thisdustin  
> Lucas - lucas.sin  
> Will - officialwillsmith  
> Eleven - x  
> Max - zoomzoomho

Stan ran back to his desk chair and shook his mouse. The time he returned was 12:17 a.m. and he was too late. He didn’t get to say goodbye to his friends. 

 

“ _ Fuck _ ” he hissed out before slamming his fingers against the keys to scroll through the coded conversation. He read through what he had missed and an idea hit him, he opened up another tab in the browser. He typed in the name,  _ Beverly Marsh _ , and hesitated before hitting search. Stan shouldn’t do what he’s planning to do, but there is no way he’s letting his friends leave him, even the new ones. Still, he new next to nothing about them, he only knew two of their last names and has never seen a photo of any of them. He finally clicked enter and the first couple links that popped up were Facebook profiles. He took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself for finding the other 9 friends after locating Beverly. 

 

Hours had passed.  _ Hours. _

 

Stan blinked. His eyes burned. He had been at this for what seemed like forever when he finally,  _ finally,  _ had found the right Ben.

 

“Hmm, Hanscom? Thank god for Ben Hanscom.” he laughed to himself and his voice croaked out. He glanced at the time, 10:47 a.m., he didn’t remember the sun coming up? He grabbed for his phone and was filled with a sudden energy that he definitely should not have had after a long night of no sleep and constant research, thank god he has the week off. He input all of the info he gathered and went to his messenger app.

 

**_stanthemanlyman created groupchat “i’m backkkk” at 10:51 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**_stanthemanlyman added aussiboi, billiam.denbro, bitchfuckdamnshit, xX_eddie_cutie_Xx, lucas.sin, missbevvyprincess, mikes-hands, nancywheeler2012, thisdustin, willsmithofficial, and zoomzoomho to “i’m backkkk” at 10:53 a.m. EST_ **

 

**stanthemanlyman:** Shit I accidentally added the real Will Smith, one sec.

**stanthemanlyman:** How do you delete people…? 

**stanthemanlyman:** Whatever here-

  
  


**_stanthemanlyman added officialwillsmith to “i’m backkkk” at 10:54 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**stanthemanlyman:** Cool okay actual Will Smith and our Will are both in our chat now 

**stanthemanlyman:** Sorry Mr. Smith

**stanthemanlyman** **:** Now! Let me explain;

**stanthemanlyman** **:** I was up all night looking for you fucks by the way.

**stanthemanlyman:** There was a knock at my door last night so I went to get it.

**stanthemanlyman:** At fucking 11:30ish last night a giant ass package was left on my doorstep. No one was there either!

**stanthemanlyman:** Like the fucking idiot I am though, I brought it inside and I opened it in my kitchen.

**stanthemanlyman:** I shit you not, I screamed when I opened the package.

**stanthemanlyman:** Like, full on sissy little girl scream…

**stanthemanlyman:** It was the note, the one attached to the painting. I couldn’t move for a minute and new I couldn’t just leave it there… So I did what I didn’t want to do.

**stanthemanlyman:** And it was the most fucking stupid thing I’ve ever done. 

**stanthemanlyman:** I picked up the painting and it was like how it was that one day in my dad’s office, the lady was missing. 

**stanthemanlyman:** I sprinted out of my house, threw it outside and into the road, not going inside until I made sure it was ran over. 

**stanthemanlyman:** I walked in… and it was hung up on my wall, above my fireplace…

**stanthemanlyman:** She was in the painting. But, I can’t do anything;

**stanthemanlyman:** Everytime I move it, it returns, but it doesn’t seem to be watching me this time as I walk by?

**stanthemanlyman:** But yeah… by the time I returned the website had closed and I’ve been up since then looking for you guys from the little little information I had.

**stanthemanlyman:** So, welcome back…

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** stan the manly man i’m shitting myself hahahahahaa your name. also u woke me up go die.

**mikes-hands:** Holy shit!! Stan how the hell did you find all of us!?

**mikes-hands:** It’s really cool! But like…

**zoomzoomho:** rlly fucking creepy holy fuck what?!

**officialwillsmith:** Stan! You manly man with a plan! Welcome back everyone!! I was super worried I had lost you all for forever :(

**officialwillsmith:** Bev will be super happy to hear!!

  
  


**_officialwillsmith poked missbevvyprincess at 11:12 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**_officialwillsmith poked missbevvyprincess at 11:12 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**_officialwillsmith poked missbevvyprincess at 11:12 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**_officialwillsmith poked missbevvyprincess at 11:12 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**_officialwillsmith poked missbevvyprincess at 11:12 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**missbevvyprincess:** WHY IS WILL SMITH TEXTING ME DURING MY LUNCH BREAK ON A CRINGY MSG APP I HAVEN’T USED SINCE I WAS 15?

**officialwillsmith:** Because! Stan found us Bev! He found all of us!!

**nancywheeler2012:** Why are a bunch of 12 year olds texting me…

**missbevvyprincess:** What?! Stan really!!?

**stanthemanlyman:** The one and the only, I missed you Bev <3

**nancywheeler2012:** Wow I’m even being ignored by 12 year olds smh

**stanthemanlyman:** Mike it’s us!!

**nancywheeler2012:** Why do a bunch of 12 year olds want to talk to my brother…?

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** we’re in our 20’s

**nancywheeler2012:** That’s not what your profile says, Richie Tozier attending Derry Middle School with a favorite color of “death” and bio including “omg im such a crazy random bisexual potato XD mcr is the best. i will fite u if u disagree owo”

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** fuck

**billiam.denbro:** RICHIE’S EMO PHASE HAHA GOOD TIMES

**billiam.denbro:** Hello everyone I saw this notification come up and I almost threw up from excitement!! I missed you guys all so much! I could barely sleep!!

**missbevvyprincess:** Billiam! Haha! Awwww I want to hug you all!

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** hey uh ms. nancy before you leave chat and get replaced with mike can u tell me how to change my name and bio details?

**nancywheeler2012:** Sure!

**nancywheeler2012:** :)

  
  


**_nancywheeler2012 left the chat at 11:16 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**_mike_hot_wheeler69 was added to the chat at 11:16 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**bitchfuckdamnshit:** fuck

**mike_hot_wheeler69:** hello to you too

**mike_hot_wheeler69:** Hey everyone!! <3

**mikes-hands:** okay god ur username proves that i am the better mike please disinfect urself

**zoomzoomho:** just ran out sorry farmer john :/

**aussiboi:** Well it’s your lucky day Mr. Hands! I happen to have some Germ-X on me! (hello lovelies its benny <3)

**mikes-hands:** glad to know ur still  _ soft _

**aussiboi:** that felt aggresive almost

**mikes-hands:** dw it’s a compliment <3

**missbevvyprincess:** Ben!

**aussiboi:** My princess!

**missbevvyprincess:** I no longer regret my little 13 year old girly self choosing this username

**officialwillsmith:** _ hot wheels _ \- michael wheeler i’m gonna kill you that’s so cringy

**mike_hot_wheeler69:** will the wise!

**thisdustin:** why 

**thisdustin:** am

**thisdustin:** i

**thisdustin:** being 

**thisdustin:** bombarded

**thisdustin:** with

**thisdustin:** messages

**thisdustin:** its 

**thisdustin:** too 

**thisdustin:** early 

**thisdustin:** for

**thisdustin:** this

**thisdustin:** shit

**thisdustin:** you 

**thisdustin:** fuckers

**stanthemanlyman:** morning sunshine :)

**thisdustin:** was the chat ending and meeting a bunch of weird people just a dream?

**zoomzoomho:** _ zoom zoom ho _

**thisdustin:** mission failed, we’ll get em’ next time

**zoomzoomho:** my monster hunter partner and vine junkie <3

**lucas.sin:** oh shit! hey everyone! what’s up? 

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** sin, what do ya do that’s sinful babay? ;)))

**lucas.sin:** imma take a wild guess and say, dustin?

**officialwillsmith:** _ close enough _

**stanthemanlyman:** honestly

**thisdustin:** im #hurt lucas

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** im also #hurt lucas

**lucas.sin:** never mind it’s def richie

**billiam.denbro:** duSTIN IS UR USERNAME A PUN I JUST GOT IT HAH

**thisdustin:** thank god i thought it was too subtle when i made it a couple months back hah

**zoomzoomho:** it’s a pun..?

**officialwillsmith:** ^^

**stanthemanlyman:** ^^

**mikes-hands:** ^^

**aussiboi:** ^^

**mike_hot_wheeler69:** ^^

**billiam.denbro:** this dustin… like this just in...

**lucas.sin:** mike i hate ur username change it now

**zoomzoomho:** ^^ 

**officialwillsmith:** ^^

**stanthemanlyman:** ^^

**mikes-hands:** ^^

**aussiboi:** ^^

**billiam.denbro:** ^^

**billiam.denbro:** also its okay dustin at least i liked ur joke 

**thisdustin:** <3

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** do you know how to change usernames??

**xX_eddie_cutie_Xx:** …please answer that question

**aussiboi:** eddie!!

**missbevvyprincess:** eddie ily but w h a t

**lucas.sin:** pfft

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** iajsjauaiaiowiwjej

**thisdustin:** I THOUGHT RICHIE HAD IT BAD LMAO

**xX_eddie_cutie_Xx:** pls tell me how to change i made this when i was a lot younger

**xX_eddie_cutie_Xx:** ...but hello everyone it's nice to see you all

**zoomzoomho:** cute but the name totally throws me off but hey dude

**mikes-hands:** hey squiddie

**xX_eddie_cutie_Xx:** thats the only nickname i've ever been okay with aw, only mike can call me that :)

**mike_hot_wheeler69:** aw thx squiddie bby <33 

**xX_eddie_cutie_Xx:** my mood was ruined by ur username u’ve got to change urs too.

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** MY GUESS IS EDDIE HAD A PASTEL PUNK SCENE PHASE WITH LOTS OF NON-MATCHING OUTFITS WITH FEM TOUCHES LIKE MAKEUP OR NAILS. OOH DRESSES.

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** OH AND HE DEFINITELY HAD HIGHLIGHTS. I’M GONNA SAY… PINK? 

**lucas.sin:** wtf richie 

**xX_eddie_cutie_Xx:** …

**lucas.sin:** WTF RICHIE

**xX_eddie_cutie_Xx:** CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO CHANGE MY DAMN NAME?!

**missbevvyprincess:** eddie baby, no screaming inside. we use our indoor voices sweetheart. ily keep doing ur best <3

**officialwillsmith:** i love my mom <3

**stanthemanlyman:** Sorry! I’m back!

**mike_hot_wheeler69:** I’m having deja vu :))

**stanthemanlyman:** Oh the craziest thought just came!!

**stanthemanlyman:** It was “fuck off michael wheeler u slug :D”

**zoomzoomho:** oof roasted and toasted boi

**aussiboi:** TOAST SOUNDS POPPIN RN

**missbevvyprincess:** bless the lord oh my soul

**billiam.denbro:** ben isn’t it like 1:20 a.m. there..?

**aussiboi:** every hour is toast hour

**missbevvyprincess:** if you come to the uk ever i will make u toast 24/7 

**aussiboi:** wow u are a good mom

**mikes-hands:** ooh #momzoned 

**lucas.sin:** mike just- no

**aussiboi:** but while they all think you are a good mom, which you are don’t get me wrong sweetheart, i think you are perfect wife material :)

**mikes-hands:** #unmomzoned

**missbevvyprincess:** I NEED A MINUTE

**officialwillsmith:** he broke mommy

**xX_eddie_cutie_Xx:** he broke mommy!?

**officialwillsmith:** yeah!!

**xX_eddie_cutie_Xx:** let’s fix mommy together!

**mikes-hands:** _ soft  _

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** tf kind of mommy kink shit is this

**zoomzoomho:** mommy kink?? more likely than not.

**thisdustin:** does that mean ben is daddy??

**mike_hot_wheeler69:** AAAAAH

**billiam.denbro:** HOW DID ALL OF THOSE SEND AT THE SAME TIME WTF

**stanthemanlyman:** i would like to gouge out my eyes thanks

**mikes-hands:** YOU RUINED MY SOFT VIBES YOU HELLIANS

**missbevvyprincess:** england is my city

**stanthemanlyman:** welcome back beverly do not scroll up

**missbevvyprincess:** i need another minute brb

**aussiboi:** you guys keep making my wife run away! close ur gobs!

**lucas.sin:** okay does anyone know how to change usernames bc i cant look at eddie’s or mike’s name anymore without crying

**stanthemanlyman:** oh yeah! that’s actually why i left! i was gonna tell you guys but i was so rudely interrupted by my thought of Mike fucking off :)

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** kinky 

**mike_hot_wheeler69:** richie dont bc now im thinking about him thinking about me and thats not something i enjoy 

**billiam.denbro:** he doesn’t even know what we look like anyway so

**stanthemanlyman:** actually;;

**officialwillsmith:** ?!

**stanthemanlyman:** when i was looking for you guys last night i found photos of all of you… 

**missbevvyprincess:** STANIEL

**missbevvyprincess:** YOU BROKE OUR RULE U LIL THOT

**xX_eddie_cutie_Xx:** rule??

**zoomzoomho:** ^^

**lucas.sin:** kskq

**lucas.sin:** sorry i just gagged bc i saw eddie’s name plEASE TELL US HOW TO FIX US AND THEN UR STORY THANKS

**stanthemanlyman:** jfc okay there’s an added drop down menu under the settings button with profile details that is hard to find unless you know what ur looking for

**stanthemanlyman:** it’s under Groupchat Details

**billiam.denbro:** thanks stanbo

**stanthemanlyman:** im

  
  


**_xX_eddie_cutie_Xx changed his name to sqwedward at 11:54 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**missbevvyprincess:** wait we should have a group theme

**thisdustin:** ooh like what

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** boobs :)

**missbevvyprincess:** richie don’t say that

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** sorry

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** _ breasts  _ :)

**missbevvyprincess:** i recommend u run

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** IM A BAD BITCH U CANT KILL ME

**zoomzoomho:** i love richie his memes are mvp

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** <3 

**billiam.denbro:** hm like characters or what bev?

**aussiboi:** we can do foods !! :)

**missbevvyprincess:** we’re doing foods end of discussion

**sqwedward:** but sqwedward

**missbevvyprincess:** FOODS EDWARD

**officialwillsmith:** omg she used the scary mom voice are u okay?

**sqwedward:** me, an adult male, almost cried just now bc a woman i’ve never seen typed with all caps 

**thisdustin:** idk why but i’m cryin in the club right now

**zoomzoomho:** i love my meme bois

**billiam.denbro:** which one has better memes

**thisdustin:** ME

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** ME

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** I WILL FIGHT YOU

**thisdustin:** TRY ME BITCH 

**mike_hot_wheeler69:** WHAT DID U JUST START BILL OH NO

**lucas.sin:** jajuJWJQHhhyG

**lucas.sin:** CHNAGE UR FUCKDNF NAME

**thisdustin:** shit u broke lucas so hard that he didn’t use the correct grammar or even attempt to correct himself

**lucas.sin:** CHANGE* YOUR* FUCKING* 

**lucas.sin:** Come on Dustin, I still have my dignity.

 

**_billiam.denbro changed their name to bill pickle at 12:03 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**_zoomzoomho changed their name to maxed.potatoes at 9:03 a.m. PST_ **

  
  


**_aussiboi changed their name to benchilada at 2:04 a.m. AEST_ **

 

**benchilada:** :D

**missbevvyprincess:** omg so cute ily ben

**lucas.sin:** hey uh sorry to burst ur bubbles but literally nothing rhymes with lucas

**stanthemanlyman:** yeah… i can only think of one…

**bill pickle:** which is?

**stanthemanlyman:** gingerbread stan

**mikes-hands:** _ omg so soft !! _

**bill pickle:** pls do that

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** FRYING STAN HAH

**officialwillsmith:** okay but like i wanted to stay will smith but i only thought of gwilled cheese

**mikes-hands:** _ soft x2 _

**lucas.sin:** ms. beverly over-ruling princess of name theme, can we just kinda choose whatever?

**missbevvyprincess:** screams fine. guess u guys dont want to be #softsquadgoals

**mikes-hands:** i’m okay with  _ soft  _ :)

**maxed.potatoes:** we know also i hate this pls let me change

**missbevvyprincess:** f i n e 

  
  


**_maxed.potatoes changed their name to zoomzoombitch at 9:06 a.m. PST_ **

  
  


**zoomzoombitch:** thank god

**thisdustin:** lmao

  
  


**_officialwillsmith changed their name to thefreshprince at 12:06 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**_mikes-hands changed their name to farmersonly.com at 12:06 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**_mike_hot_wheeler69 changed their name to mikewheelie at 12:07 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**_missbevvyprincess changed their name to beverage at 5:07 p.m. GMT_ **

  
  


**benchilada:** wait bev i’ve got to do something

**beverage:** what??

**bill pickle:** ^^

  
  


**_benchilada changed beverage’s name to hot beverage at 2:07 a.m. AEST_ **

  
  


**mikewheelie:** oh my god

**thefreshprince:** mom’s gonna explode if u keep doing this aussi boi

**benchilada:** that isnt my name anymore, will smith

**thefreshprince:** dont care u will always be aussi boi to me

**farmersonly.com:** _ soft benny  _

**bill pickle:** i gotta learn how to be as smooth as benny boi here

**zoomzoombitch:** rt if that ain’t me

**mikewheelie:** oof don’t use ain’t ur sounding like farm mike

**farmersonly.com:** all i am is farm mike to you :(

**benchilada:** at least u aren’t aussi boi 

  
  


**_xX_eddie_cutie_Xx changed their name to squiddie at 12:09 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**lucas.sin:** thank god 

**bill pickle:** still laughing at that tbh

**bill pickle:** reminds me of the tumblr boys richie would fawn over in 8th grade oh my god

**bill pickle:** these boys with bright colors and highlights with bangs that covered their eyes

**bill pickle:** 500% of them wore eyeliner that went all the way around there eye like a racoon

**bitchfuckdamnshit:** how about we stop talking about this

**farmersonly.com:** *whispers to mike*

**mikewheelie:** *whispers back to mike*

**bill pickle:** omg roleplaying lmao richie would always do that too

**squiddie:** i like bill :)

  
  


**_bitchfuckdamnshit changed their name to lionel richie at 12:12 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**lionel richie:** I THOUGHTWE AGREED TO STOP TALKING ABOUT ME THX

**bill pickle:** richie? passing down an opportunity to talk about himself? unheard of.

**squiddie:** awww richie!! i was just starting to like hearing about you :)

**lionel richie:** … 

**lucas.sin:** my mans has returned

**farmersonly.com:** ur taste in music is god awful

  
  


**_thisdustin changed his name compASS genius at 9:12 a.m. PST_ **

  
  


**lucas.sin:** i’m disappointed

**zoomzoombitch:** i’m not

**compASS genius:** <3 

**zoomzoombitch:** :)

  
  


**_stanthemanlyman changed their name to stanwithaplan at 12:13 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**lionel richie:** more accurate

**stanwithaplan:** you dont know me

**hot beverage:** hi im back

**hot beverage:** ben u kILLED me

**benchilada:** dont die ily

**hot beverage:** <33

**hot beverage:** also stan i’ve known you for 4 years

**hot beverage:** u are not stan the manly man

**compASS genius:** then who is?

**lionel richie:** uh duh

**hot beverage:** um have u met mike

**mikewheelie:** :D

**stanwithaplan:** ...You should know she is DEFINITELY not talk to u hot wheels

**mikewheelie:** D:

**farmersonly.com:** they dont call me mike hands the manly man for nothin ;)

**hot beverage:** ick but regardless from the stuff that u describe on the farm u must be stacked like a jenga tower man

**mikewheelie:** I WILL KICK DOWN THAT JENGA TOWER 

**zoomzoombitch:** one push to his middle and he’ll go falling

**farmersonly.com:** we all know who i’m falling for though ;)

**thefreshprince:** stan

**stanwithaplan:** yes, willy my boy?

**hot beverage:** OOF

**mikewheelie:** ooh man :,(

**bill pickle:** it was worth a try :,(

**benchilada:** i’m crying for you man :,(

**stanwithaplan:** I am confusion

**compASS genius:** WHY IS THIS ONE KANSAS

**thefreshprince:** BUT THIS ONE NOT AR-KANSAS??

**zoomzoombitch:** AMERICA EXPLAIN!!

**lionel richie:** WHAT DO U MEAN ARK-EN-SAW?!

**stanwithaplan:** Consider me confused x2

**lucas.sin:** I hate our friends

**compASS genius:** i hate u too :)

**farmersonly.com:** Lucasss you’ve gotta change ur name too!!

**hot beverage:** but nothing rhymes with lucas

**mikewheelie:** fresh prince doesn’t rhyme with will

**thefreshprince:** its different bc i am will smith

**stanwithaplan:** will,, i,,

**bill pickle:** (he knows he’s not actually will smith right)

**lionel richie:** (i can’t tell)

**hot beverage:** (it’s a coping mechanism he’s used)

**mikewheelie:** (he’s been like this since the fresh prince of bel-air was taken off the air)

**benchilada:** THAT WAS 21 YEARS AGO?!

**thefreshprince:** what was 21 years ago benwald?

**benchilada:** benwald..?

**stanwithaplan:** (SHHH)

**hot beverage:** (shhHH BENNY)

**farmersonly.com:** (oh no)

**compASS genius:** (thank god he didn’t say anything out loud)

**benchilada:** (i’m so confused why is he acting like he can’t read when it’s in between parenthesis?)

**hot beverage:** (tbh i dont know how it works)

**benchilada:** uh nothing

**benchilada:** unrelated but how old are u william

**benchilada:** (wait farm mike i thought u said u were the oldest, that means u were 5 when the fresh prince wasn’t on anymore)

**farmersonly.com:** (yeah, im the oldest, im grandpapa mike)

**lionel richie:** does stan have a grandpa kink

**lionel richie:** (SHIT LMAO does stan have a grandpa kink?)

**stanwithaplan:** w h a t th e f cuck

**hot beverage:** language staniel

**farmersonly.com:** richie stop exposing me

**thefreshprince:** oh yeah i just remembered i never gave my mini intro!

**thefreshprince:** i’m will! i just turned 20 so i’m the baby of the group haha. I live in auburn, maine so i’m only like an hour and a half away from bill & richie! i used to live really close to nerd mike as you call him when we were kids but my stepfather moved us to maine when i turned 13. but we managed to stay in touch and he actually introduced me to the chat! but rn i’m a comic book artist!

**bill pickle:** no way!! will the wise?! i thought i recognized that earlier!! i have some of your stuff!!

**thefreshprince:** whoa! cool billybro!

**lionel richie:** billybro :)

**bill pickle:** richie. dont.

**lionel richie:** that is added to my list! now i’m at 49 nicknames for u billion ;)

**lionel richie:** one more and i’ll meet my goal!

**thefreshprince:** i’m sorry bill…

**benchilada:** _ you’re 20??? _

**thefreshprince:** uhh… yeah..?

**zoomzoombitch:** ben wtf

**mikewheelie:** oh no he’s figured it out

**farmersonly.com:** OUR PLAN HAD NO FLAWS WDYM MIKE

**stanwithaplan:** wow good going on saying we had a plan in the first place u loaf

**hot beverage:** im sORRY BEN ILY 

**benchilada:** please explain this plan

**compASS genius:** IT WOULDVE WORKED IF WILL DIDNT SAY HIS AGE

**thefreshprince:** well iM SoRRy dUsTin!

**bill pickle:** im confused too

**lionel richie:** come on bill even i caught on

**benchilada:** ??

**bill pickle:** ^^ ??

**lionel richie:** it was obviously a prank

**lionel richie:** a gimick?

**lionel richie:** gettin’ off on a good one?

**squiddie:** shut the fuck up richie we get it

**zoomzoombitch:** my boi eddie coming in clutch with these roasts :)

**squiddie:** it feels good to be appreciated <3

**benchilada:** okay lol u got me then

**bill pickle:** but why prank us with something so pointless,,?

**stanwithaplan:** we have a pact

**farmersonly.com:** only the tru og’s know of it

**mikewheelie:** we have an ongoing inside joke of will actually thinking he is actually will smith, it started from the first day he joined and i was telling the other a little about him

**mikewheelie:** i happened to mention his obsession with will smith films and “gettin jiggy with it” and it became all we talked about

**hot beverage:** we would send link to the theme for the fresh prince every chance we had 

**compASS genius:** i still cry when i hear that song

**stanwithaplan:** it plays in my dreams

**farmersonly.com:** IMAGINE FLUTE WOMAN COMING UP BEHIND YOU AND PLAYING THE FRESH PRINCE THEME

**lionel richie:** PFFT

**stanwithaplan:** BRB CRYING 

**bill pickle:** isnt that little too harsh…? and soon..?

**farmersonly.com:** you saw what happened earlier

**farmersonly.com:** [screenshotofstanbeingincrediblyoblivious.jpg]

**farmersonly.com:** “yes, willy my boy?”

**benchilada:** oof

**zoomzoombitch:** ^^ rt

**lionel richie:** ooh this app doesn’t show when u take screenshots..?

**lionel richie:** thanks for the useful intel tractor man ;)

**squiddie:** i dont even want to know what that means 

  
  


**_lucas.sin changed their name to therational one 1:01 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**theration alone:** i left for so long, trying to find a pun

**theration alone:** just SOMETHING that rhymed with my name

**theration alone:** nothing besides “poo-cuss and tuchus”

**theration alone:** so i went with the dumb ass meme you guys made out of my original user

**zoomzoombitch:** wait is that how u pronounce tuchus?

**compASS genius:** too-kus?? literally no one pronounces it like that

**bill pickle:** i’ve always said it like tuck-is

**benchilada:** just say butt guys

**stanwithaplan:** that’s a bad word ben

**farmersonly.com:** STAN MEMED RARE PRECIOUS MOMENT

**squiddie:** hey i may be an idiot but what is a tuchus

**lionel richie:** Tuchus (n) - the jew word for booty

**lionel richie:** Ex: “ _ stan u jewish sex lord, come over here and touch my farm tuchus” - Mike _

**farmersonly.com:** jihsxiwsbxiqhbsxbibkhqsnxkjqnsxijqsjid

**stanwithaplan:** richie, must you?

**lionel richie:** i must

**thefreshprince:** my eyes are still crying from that

**hot beverage:** i’m in a love/hate relationship with richie's humor because i love it but it ruins my virgin children’s eyes my poor willbo and squiddie

**thefreshprince:** my eyes will be forever virgin but thx mom

**hot beverage:** just means i’ll always be here to protect u

**thefreshprince:** <3

**squiddie:** _ hah _

**squiddie:** i mean

**squiddie:** thx mom <3

**hot beverage: what**

**bill pickle:** rip

**thefreshprince:** omg poor eddie he’s gotten the scary mom voice twice already

**lionel richie:** he’s a bad boy u should punish him

**zoomzoombitch:** ew

**compASS genius:** hey stan, u never told us about how you found photos of all of us and oh,, u know,,

**compASS genius:** broke the rule :)

**theration one:** thank you for ignoring richie and changing the subject

**compASS genius:** me? thanked by lucas? unheard of

**theration one:** if we could send emojis you would be seeing 3 beautiful middle fingers right about now :)

**stanwithaplan:** oh yeah, that! i had to break the rule or else we wouldn’t be here rn!

**squiddie:** ur making it sound like we would’ve died if u hadn’t stalked us online 

**zoomzoombitch:** _ stalker _

**stanwithaplan:** it’s not really stalking!! it’s just using the information i had on my friends to research and find out their number codes for the messaging app 

**thefreshprince:** hmm sounds pretty similar to the definition of stalking my guy

**thefreshprince:** im jk i love you stan and appreci8 what you’ve done

**lionel richie:** so, who’s the hottest?? ;)

**stanwithaplan:** uh i shouldn’t say that, it’s personal opinion not science

**hot beverage:** ooh come on stan i’m interested!

**farmersonly.com:** i wish i could see you

**farmersonly.com:** guys

**farmersonly.com:** you guys** i clicked send too early

**mikewheelie:** mhm

**zoomzoombitch:** im the hottest

**lionel richie:** let’s agree to disagree bc if you guys saw me u wouldnt be able to not fall in love with me

**squiddie:** hm idk.. it wouldn’t rlly matter if you looked like zac efron i don’t think they’d be able to get over ur personality

**lionel richie:** aw thx babe, i’m hotter than zac efron btw and i’m glad u recognize my amazing qualities and personality and u don’t just like me for my bod

**squiddie** **:** not what i meant, i doubt ur hotter than zac efron bc it’s scientifically proven that no one is hotter than zac efron… also ur personality is memes and a big mouth 

**lionel richie:** true and true… but i know how to use my big mouth right ;)

**squiddie:** _ bye _

**squiddie:** stan can u kick him

**stanwithaplan:** no u have to suffer too u saw what he said about me

**stanwithaplan:** i also dont know how or else i would remove will smith

**lionel richie:** poor mr. smith we’re probably clogging up his phone

**compASS genius:** ur stalling stan!! who’s the hottest!!

**theration one:** who cares?

**compASS genius:** aw are u self-conscious lukey?

**theration one:** do not call me that

**lionel richie:** eds is that u?

**squiddie:** don’t call me that 

**thefreshprince:** hahaha

**theration one:** no, i just don’t think that who is hotter than who is important?

**bill pickle:** okay but aren’t you a LITTLE interested about what everyone else looks like..?

**zoomzoombitch:** even i am and i can already tell that i’m the edgy one out of our little party of losers

**mikewheelie:** tru omg

**benchilada:** party of loser lol i like that

**stanwithaplan:** should we have a squad name? are we the party of losers?

**lionel richie:** loser party is easier to say just saying

**hot beverage:** i like it

**farmersonly.com:** i vote yes

**thefreshprince:** question, is the actual will smith a member of the loser party

**theration one:** i vote yes

**bill pickle:** me too

**hot beverage:** okay but he wasn’t here for the planning any of this

**squiddie:** he’s been here in spirit

**stanwithaplan:** i see what ur saying,, then maybe he can be something like a ½ member

**thefreshprince:** _ honorary member will smith _

**zoomzoombitch:** _ honorary member will smith _

**compASS genius:** _ honorary member will smith _

**hot beverage:** _ honorary member will smith _

**benchilada:** _ honorary member will smith _

**stanwithaplan:** all opposed to will smith being an honorary member, say something now or forever hold ur peace

**theration one:** why did we just wait three whole minutes

**lionel richie:** just to make sure no one was opposed 

**theration one:** but three minutes??

**compASS genius:** IS IT OFFICIAL STANNY BOY?

  
  


**_stanwithaplan renamed the groupchat “the loser party and honorary member will smith” at 1:53 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**stanwithaplan:** it’s official bitchrs

**stanwithaplan:** GOD DAMMIT

**stanwithaplan:** bitches*

**lionel richie:** bitchrs

**compASS genius:** bitchrs

**bill pickle:** no use saving urself stan lol, i could sense richie typing it

**lionel richie:** ur also right next to me rn

**bill pickle:** that too

**zoomzoombitch:** bitchrs

**compASS genius:** :)

**stanwithaplan:** guys i love you all but i have a week break right now and i was up ALL night looking for you, so i’m going to hit the hay at 2:00 lmao

**benchilada:** me too! its 4:00 am rn… i’ve screwed myself i have a class at 7:00 tomorrow ;;

**hot beverage:** aww good luck babe

**benchilada:** i hope my dreams are filled with you bev <3

**farmersonly.com:** _ so soft and precious _

**zoomzoombitch:** is anyone else thinking about how they met less than a day ago…

**mikewheelie:** ^^

**farmersonly.com:** _hshhshhshshshh softt_

**bill pickle:** mike rlly likes soft things doesn’t he

**thefreshprince:** you’ve officially done it bill, how do you manage to keep bringing up things that mike will not shut up about ever again?

**farmersonly.com:** _ inhale _

**bill pickle:** oh no i’m sorry ..

**hot beverage:** quick someone distract him

**stanwithaplan:** k i’m going now! bye everyone <3

**farmersonly.com:** _ aw stanley sent a heart how precious <3 _

**hot beverage:** i said distract him stanley

**stanwithaplan:** p.s. farm mike and bill are the hottest

**stanwithaplan:** bye loves!! <3

**bill pickle:** what-uh- thanks!?

**benchilada:** hey i think stan did it!

**theration one:** …he isn’t saying anything

**mikewheelie:** mike… u there buddy?

**compASS genius:** miss keisha? miss keishaaaa?

**zoomzoombitch:** oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead

**thefreshprince:** i love my new friends holy shit

**hot beverage:** language young man

**benchilada:** goodnight everyone!! <3

**squiddie:** goodnight ben!

**bill pickle:** night!

**hot beverage:** gn my love <3

**thefreshprince:** gn!

**theration one:** sleep well buddy, good look for ur class in less than three hours…

**lionel richie:** i still think i’m the hottest just saying

**compASS genius:** i dunno man stan doesn’t lie, he’s super serious about lying actually, we all are

**thefreshprince:** oh yeah that’s a big rule, we don’t lie

**hot beverage:** yeah, if you lie then you lose trust

**mikewheelie:** so be yourself, and don’t lie

**lionel richie:** creepy… but okay i get that

**lionel richie:**  my humor is heavy on sarcasm and lying tho and i cant change that

**compASS genius:** me too don’t worry, but we just mean the serious stuff y’know

**theration one:** yeah, because friends don’t lie

**hot beverage:** exactly lucas :)

**thefreshprince:** passive aggressive smiley?

**hot beverage:** no, nice genuine smiley :)

**thefreshprince:** :)

**squiddie:** sorry to join stan and ben, but i’ve got to leave too. i may have the week off for the holidays but my job still wants me this week, see you loser later ;)

**lionel richie:** bye eds!

**squiddie:** dont make me say it

**lionel richie:** uGH fine

**lionel richie:** bye babe ;)

**squiddie:** how about no nicknames at all :)

**lionel richie:** no fun

**hot beverage:** my son, i love you! remember to drink lots of water and don’t let the stress from work crush you too much because you’re amazing sweetheart <3

**squiddie:** what did i do to deserve such a good mom

**mikewheelie:** bye eddie!

**farmersonly.com:** i have risen from the dead only to say goodbye to my squiddie and then die again lol mikey out peace y’all

**squiddie:** <3

**lionel richie:** i get the sense that everyone is leaving;; so Bill and I are gonna grab a late lunch/early dinner

**compASS genius:** cute

**bill pickle:** that cute sounds suggestive

**zoomzoombitch:** _ cute _

**theration one:** you weren’t kidding when u said u were the edgy one

**bill pickle:** u made the word cute sound scary how tf

**zoomzoombitch:** _ :) _

**thefreshprince:** bev ily but she just crushed the records of most passive aggressive smileys holy shit

**hot beverage:** i’m not even going to fight u on cursing bc i said holy shit out loud when i saw that smiley face

**zoomzoombitch:** aw ily guys thanks :)

**compASS genius:** i aspire to be able to be that edgy and then that cute the next second but a giant meme the entire time

**theration one:** did you mean:  _ soft _

**mikewheelie:** careful u might bring mike back from the dead by saying that and especially italicizing it like that

**thefreshprince:** i don’t think lucas even realizes that he did the google search meme just now

**lionel richie:** i was thinking that that looked out of character wow

**lionel richie:** also we just got to the sandwich shop bye boisss

**hot beverage:** have fun on ur date sons

**bill pickle:** i would rather throw up in my mouth 15 times and eat it after blending it with toilet water and expired strawberries than go on a single date with Richie Tozier

**lionel richie:** wow i was last-named just now

**zoomzoombitch:** thank jesus eddie wasn’t here for that sentence or he probably would’ve drank bleach to disinfect himself

**compASS genius:** yikes

**thefreshprince:** yikes 

**mikewheelie:** yikes

**compASS genius:** k peace out guys i’m gonna go play with my lizard

**hot beverage:** i still to this day cannot understand how you can play with a lizard 

**compASS genius:** um dart isn’t like the other lizards

**compASS genius:** he’s different

**theration one:** wouldn’t take dustin as the furry-type, but alright the world is full of suprises

**compASS genius:** nasty bye

**thefreshprince:** me when i look in the mirror every morning

**hot beverage:** hush my son u are beautiful

**zoomzoombitch:** later losers, i’m gonna go ride my skateboard. my shifts starts up in an hour and i wanna get in some time before i have to ride there

**mikewheelie:** whoa cool dude, have fun!!

**compASS genius:** bye bye meme queen

**zoomzoombitch:** i’m metaphorically sending the kissy emoji bc it isn’t too loveydovey but shows respect while still looking badass

**theration one:** jesus christ that was edgy oh my god

**thefreshprince:** lmao looks like how i texted in my emo days :,)

**hot beverage:** YOUR WHAT -!?1 

**thefreshprince:** yes, i had an emo phase

**hot beverage:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL WILL SMITH AND MEMES?

**hot beverage:** MIKE WHY DIDNT YOU SAY ANYTHING

**mikewheelie:** UHM MAYBE BECAUSE DIDNT I KNOW ABOUT THIS

**thefreshprince:** lmao it was after i moved to maine

**mikewheelie:** YOU MOVED WHEN YOU WERE 15 THOUGH

**thefreshprince:** i had my emo phase when i was 17 and the first couple months of being 18

**hot beverage:** I’M CRYING THAT WASN’T EVEN TWO YEARS AGO

**mikewheelie:** WHAT HOW DID I NOT KNOW???!

**thefreshprince:** idk honestly i mean i texted you all the time, i was wondering why you hadn’t mentioned it to the other yet lmao

**thefreshprince:** but yeah lol, got to head to my office. i have a meeting at 5:00 with important people in the animation industry! i’m hoping to return with good news! see you all later!

**theration one:** alright, see ya will! i’m heading out too, i wanna take a walk on a trail about 20 minutes away. i live right in the middle of downtown atlanta and it’s hell. traffic is horrible and there is no natural nature, so i have to drive just to take a walk somewhere decent :/ 

**theration one:** i’m gonna take my camera too, upload photos to my nature blog :p

**hot beverage:** link pls!!

**theration one:** yeah! one sec

**theration one:** http://tumbllr.com/iaddedanotherlbcidintwanttoaccidentallylinksomeonespage/lucassinclairphotographyandfilm/blog/189979201

**hot beverage:** holy shit you are amazing!!

**hot beverage:** aw oh my god! i can see you! the selfie with the building omg u are so cute!!

**theration one:** haha forgot about that one… thank you!

**mikewheelie:** damn dude you’ve got some talent

**mikewheelie:** i’d call you cute too but i’m straight and don’t wanna be weird so i’m gonna state it like this and say that you are an attractive man no homo

**theration one:** thanks man no homo

**hot beverage:** lucas is hot no homo

**mikewheelie:** that doesnt even make sense

**mikewheelie:** why did i say that, that was hypocritical sorry bev

**hot beverage:** TWAS ABOOT TO SAY

**mikewheelie:** aboot;; bev that’s canadian ur british…

**hot beverage:** better call stan then

**mikewheelie:** he’s from montreal,, meaning he’s french canadian,,

**hot beverage:** oh my god i want to hear his accent

**theration one:** i want to hear him speak french !!

**mikewheelie:** imagine him speaking french to farm mike omg

**hot beverage:** okay okay once stan comes back i want him to tell us how to make separate chats bc i have a plan

**mikewheelie:** _ so you could say _

**hot beverage:** omg i swear

**mikewheelie:** _ we have a stan plan _

**theration one:** i face palmed in real life that was so awful

**theration one:** and i’m pulling out of my apartment building rn! ttyl!

**hot beverage:** bye my beautiful son lucas :)

**mikewheelie:** alright i’m heading out too

**hot beverage:** ooh what’s ur excuse?

**mikewheelie:** lmao i was gonna watch a documentary on retro video games from the 80’s

**hot beverage:** ooh man good excuse have fun

**mikewheelie:** chat wit ya later beautiful ;)

**hot beverage:** alright fly guy see u on the flip side ;)

**hot beverage:** farm mike ur still logged in

**hot beverage:** are u still not gonna chat because stan killed u?

**hot beverage:** smh fake friend byebye

**farmersonly.com:** hey bev!! sorry!!!!

**farmersonly.com:** i’m finally not dead!!

**farmersonly.com:** just checked the time,, 8:21 CST,,

**farmersonly.com:** oof i’m a bad friend i left bevvo alone

**farmersonly.com:** well,, guess i should just leave since i’m talking to myself yikes

**willsmithofficial:** what the fuck is this

**farmersonly.com:** hOLY SHIT UH HELLO MR. SMITH

**farmersonly.com:** UH LET ME EXPLAIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay!! everyone's back!! let's see how they're all doing!!
> 
> //
> 
> bill pickle: couple things i would like to say: my favorite sport is exposing richie's emo days, this only supports the fact that i would NEVER date richie no thanks, also is it wrong to feel flattered that stan thought that mike and i were the hottest? i usually don't get compliments like that,, actually i never get them,, so it feels quite nice!!
> 
> lionel richie: just u wait! eddie will think i'm hotter than zac efron!!
> 
> squiddie: richie is filthy get him off this chat... i realized that kind of sounds diRTY I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE TH-
> 
> hot beverage: benchilada and i are getting married tomorrow u are all invited :)
> 
> farmersonly.com: im dead inside. stan thinks im hot and WILL FUCKING SMITH JUST TALKED TO ME AND LONG STORY SHORT HE'S A MEMBER OF THE LOSER PARTY NOW W HA T
> 
> stanwithaplan: hoo man stanley u sure are a rascal, riling up mike like that and all... fuck i wasnt lying what if hE KNOWS I LIKE HIM WHAT AM I GOING TO DO AHASGFDJHF
> 
> benchilada: i slept...for...forty...minutes...kill...me...
> 
> mikewheelie: i am a straight male, but i'd date lucas just saying. don't tell him i said that btw.
> 
> compASS genius: MAX HAS SUCH GOOD MEMES I FINALLY HAVE A BUDDY WITHIN LONG DRIVING DISTANCE HECK YECK- i just oofed myself i've got to stop saying that...
> 
> theration alone: i took so many good photos while i was out today?? i hope bev and mike like them :)
> 
> thefreshprince: i had a dream will smith actually answered the chat lmao what
> 
> x
> 
> zoomzoombitch: i like being the edgy one of the group :) i feel powerful :)
> 
>  
> 
> SPECIAL GUESTS!! 
> 
> willsmithofficial: i don't know what the fuck is going on but some kid's name was thefreshprince,, he's my favorite,, also i joined whatever the farmer dude signed me up for. i mean as long as i don't have to pay a monthly subscription.
> 
> nancywheeler2012: why were a bunch of 12 year olds texting mike, that's weird as shit, also I've heard of Derry before?? dunno why :p
> 
>  
> 
> //
> 
>  
> 
> wOO that chapter was my favorite because of the massive amount of memes and jokes! prepare for truth or dare, more flirting, and trading photos with each other within the next couple of chapters!! hope you are enjoying so far!!


	4. "man imagine everyone’s dick once they see this :)"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOw!! Thanks for all of the good feedback everyone!! Here is a memey photo exchange chapter about 6 1/2 thousand words as a thank you!!
> 
> Also I apologize if there are weird capitalization errors (i.e. farmersonly.Com:), I got a new bluetooth keyboard for my iPad and it's great because I can type faster, but it has autocaps so I spent 20 minutes going back to fix all I could :p
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!! The comments and kudos you guys left made me so happy and encouraged me to write so fast!! School starts up next week again, so I might be a little to update around then, but I'm going to try for 4000-8000 words chapters twice a week? Haha wish me luck :) 
> 
> Bill - bill pickle  
> Richie - lionel richie  
> Eddie - squiddie  
> Beverly - hot beverage  
> Mike H. - farmersonly.com  
> Stan - stanwithaplan  
> Ben - benchilada  
> Mike W. - mikewheelie  
> Dustin - compASS genius  
> Lucas - theration one (ack i know it's supposed to be theration alone but I might fix it later, for now this is his name though haha)  
> Will - thefreshprince  
> Eleven - x  
> Max - zoomzoombitch

**_stanwithaplan opened chatroom “help bev” at 10:32 a.m. EST_ **

 

**_stanwithaplan added hot beverage to “help bev” at 10:32 a.m. EST_ **

 

**stanwithaplan:** hello gorgeous 

**stanwithaplan:** need some advice 

**hot beverage:** stanny! always a pleasure 

**hot beverage:** how can i be of service? 

**stanwithaplan:** was i too direct with mike and bill yesterday? 

**hot beverage:** ?? 

**stanwithaplan:** oh come on bev u know 

**stanwithaplan:** … 

**stanwithaplan:** i said they were the both hottest… 

**hot beverage:** OH MY GOD STAN 

**hot beverage:** YOU CALLED SOMEONE HOT?!?! 

**hot beverage:** CALL THE POLICE!! 

**hot beverage:** ALERT THE TOWN TO HIDE THEIR KIDS 

**hot beverage:** FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST PROTECT THE DAMN CHILDREN!! 

**stanwithaplan:** -_- 

**hot beverage:** sweetie you see how i’ve talked to ben and we aren’t together 

**hot beverage:** yet ;) 

**stanwithaplan:** idk im just so confused bc i’ve known mike for forever and i don’t want him to think of me differently 

**hot beverage:** i cannot believe you just 

**hot beverage:** omg im sorry but stan u are the literal stupidest person on this planet 

**stanwithaplan:** ??? 

**hot beverage:** smh just tell me how to make chats on this app so i can scream to ben about new kids on the block without spamming the main chat 

**stanwithaplan:** _gladly_

  


**_//the losers party with honorary member will smith//_ **

  


**stanwithaplan:** hello losers! 

**stanwithaplan:** i just read through what i missed and what the actual fuck 

**farmersonly.com:** my mans has returned from the war :,) 

**farmersonly.com:** ALSO TALKING ONE ON ONE WITH WILL SMITH IS SCARY SHIT MAN 

**farmersonly.com:** but long story short, will smith agreed to being an actual member i’m shitting myself 

**squiddie:** oMG WHAT LMAO 

**farmersonly.com:** HE MESSAGED ME FOR LIKE 15 MINUTES AND ASKED WHAT IT WAS 

**farmersonly.com:** SO I EXPLAINED THAT IT WAS JUST OUR FRIEND GROUP AND HE SAID “uhh do i gotta pay” 

**farmersonly.com:** I TOLD HIM NO FEE AND HE FUCKING SAID “k man tell the fresh prince guy that he’s my fav btw” 

**thefreshprince:** holy 

**thefreshprince:** f u c k 

**thefreshprince:** IM JUMPING AROUND MY ROOM IM CRYING KAJAJANSJDJDJJWYWYA 

**lionel richie:** i want proof michael boy 

**farmersonly.com:** [screenshotofwillsmithconvo.jpg] 

**thefreshprince:** IM HUGGING MY LIFE SIZE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR CARDBOARD CUT OUT 

**mikewheelie:** yOU STILL HAVE THAT IM SCREAMING 

**mikewheelie:** HOW DID YOU BRING THAT ON THE PLANE?!! 

**thefreshprince:** I GOT STARED AT THE ENTIRE BUT DO I REGRET IT 

**thefreshprince:** NO I DO NOT BC WILL SMITH SAID I WAS HIS FAV 

**zoomzoombitch:** wow this must be what it would be like if gerard way complimented richie :,) 

**bill pickle:** OKAY STORY TIME 

**lionel richie:** bILL I SWEAR 

**squiddie:** ooh story time :) 

**zoomzoombitch:** dont say that actually happened 

**bill pickle:** RICHIE USED TO STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR AND TRY TO POSE LIKE THE EMO MYSPACE BOYS ONLINE 

**bill pickle:** PETE WENTZ LIKED HIS PHOTO AND RICHIE PISSED HIMSELF 

**bill pickle:** LIKE LITERALLY HE WAS CHECKING HIS PAGE ON MY COMPUTER AT MY HOUSE AND THE DUDE PISSED HIMSELF IN MY CHAIR 

**zoomzoombitch:** i can tell the future 

**theration one:** technically that’s the past, but still talent 

**zoomzoombitch:** i was going to scream at u but then u saved urself 

**squiddie:** wow im liking bill more and more with every story he tells :) 

**bill pickle:** <3 

**lionel richie:** why do you like bullying me bill im only ever nice to you! 

**bill pickle:** H A H okay 

**compASS genius:** im late quick someone summarize 

**hot beverage:** will metaphorically pissed himself bc will smith likes him and richie actually peed himself like 8 years ago bc pete wentz liked his photo 

**compASS genius:** yikes @ richie 

**compASS genius:** congrats @ will !! 

**thefreshprince:** UPDATE I PEED MYSELF 

**hot beverage:** sweetie,, 

**farmersonly.com:** me when stan is online :) 

**stanwithaplan:** lmao what 

**squiddie:** can we change the subject im gagging with all of this pee talk 

**lionel richie:** aw but i love to make u gag eds ;) 

**squiddie:** STAN 

**stanwithaplan:** wHY AM I THE ONE YOU GO TO FOR THIS ALL THE TIME 

**stanwithaplan:** also richie i swear to god if you dont shut the fuck up i am going to kick you from this chat and blackmail bill into not letting you find out how to get back in :) 

**squiddie:** that is why i go to you thank you 

**bill pickle:** fuck im probably more scared than richie rn 

**lionel richie:** im quaking wtf stan 

**benchilada:** hello friends :) 

**hot beverage:** babe!! its past midnight there!! you need sleep!! 

**benchilada:** but i want to talk to you :(( 

**theration one:** ben, it’s important to sleep! 

**stanwithaplan:** agreed, we love you but you need to sleep. 

**bill pickle:** what time is your first class done? 

**benchilada:** starts at 7:00, ends at 8:30 a.m. AEST 

**benchilada:** For Dustin  & Max that’s 3:30 p.m. 

**benchilada:** For Mikey that’s 5:30 p.m. 

**benchilada:** and for everyone else besides Beautiful Bev’s, who will be at 11:30 p.m., it will be 6:30 p.m. for EST 

**hot beverage:** why must my boy live so far away  <3 

**zoomzoombitch:** Dustin and I are the farthest from everyone tho 

**compASS genius:** true it’s like 10 ½ hour flight to get to Ben and a 31 hour drive to Mike and Mike who are the closest to the east 

**zoomzoombitch:** yeah but driving is for plebs, it’d be like a 4 hour flight to Mike squared 

**mikewheelie:** mike squared 

**farmersonly.com:** mike squared 

**bill pickle:** that’s ur ship name 

**farmersonly.com:** oof uh no thanks 

**mikewheelie:** i am s t r a i gh t 

**lionel richie:** :) 

**mikewheelie:** ...what 

**lionel richie:** : ) 

**mikewheelie:** i dont like the way ur smiling at me richie 

**lionel richie:** :   ) 

**zoomzoombitch:** damn almost as scary as my smiley 

**lionel richie:** i saw what you wrote michael 

**mikewheelie:** _what_

**theration one:** no, nothing can rlly beat that 

**thefreshprince:** im back i have cleaned myself 

**squiddie:** nasty 

**thefreshprince:** no longer nasty!! im clean now!! 

**squiddie:** nasty 

**stanwithaplan:** anYWAY we got way off topic bc my second message had to mention will smith 

**stanwithaplan:** you guys can created private chats in the drop menu now! 

  


**_lionel richie created chatroom “eds and zac efron” at 11:14 a.m. EST_ **

  


**lionel richie:** hello precious princess eds 

**squiddie:** who are u trying to be, ben? 

**lionel richie:** no bc unlike him im not a str80 ;) 

  


**_//the losers party with honorary member will smith//_ **

  


**squiddie:** stan i hate you richie is already abusing me via private chat 

**stanwithaplan:** richie 

**compASS genius:** hey can we take a moment to appreciate lucas’ face? i just scrolled up and wow 

**hot beverage:** rt 

**theration one:** i thought u hated me dustin?? 

**compASS genius:** perhaps, but i can recognize attractive people 

**theration one:** uhh,, thanks ? 

**compASS genius:** but hey stan, doesn’t that technically mean lucas broke the rule too? 

**theration one:** i knew there was something wrong 

**stanwithaplan:** i thought we went over this already, i needed to find photos of you or else there is pretty much no way you would be in this chat right now. 

**thefreshprince:** okay, but since YOU have seen everyone and we have a link to a photo of Lucas (which i haven’t seen yet actually) 

**mikewheelie:** you should 

**lionel richie:** :    ) 

**mikewheelie:** fdhfglusdhfjvaf 

**thefreshprince:** k mike, but as i was saying 

**thefreshprince:** shouldn’t we be allowed to see photos of everyone too? 

**hot beverage:** please,,, i really want to see my sons 

**squiddie:** mom  <33 

**farmersonly.Com:** i wanna see stan 

**zoomzoombitch:** we know 

**compASS genius:** yeah apparently mike and bill are the hottest but we don’t have proof, also lucas is beautiful so if they beat him?? 

**theration one:** … 

**bill pickle:** cute 

**bill pickle:** also i disagree with me being one of the hottest 

**stanwithaplan:** trust me, you and mike,, wow,, 

  


**_farmersonly.Com created groupchat “bev i’m gay help me” at 10:23 a.m. CST_ **

 

**_farmersonly.Com added hot beverage to “bev i’m gay help me” at 10:24 a.m. CST_ **

 

**farmersonly.Com** **_:_ ** bev i need ur help 

**hot beverage:** i’m having deja vu 

**farmersonly.Com:** ?? 

**farmersonly.Com:** whatever just BEVERLY LOOK WHAT HE SAID HE’S KILLING ME 

**hot beverage:** u fucking oblivious bastard smh 

  


**_//the losers party with honorary member will smith//_ **

  


**stanwithaplan:** alright! 

**stanwithaplan:** for all members who joined BEFORE last night,, 

**stanwithaplan:** all those in favor of disbanding the previous rule of no sending photos, say will smith now 

**lionel richie:** will smith 

**stanwithaplan:** richie literally shut the fuck up 

**hot beverage:** will smith! 

**compASS genius:** will smith 

**thefreshprince:** will smith 

**farmersonly.Com:** will smith!!! 

**mikewheelie:** will smith 

**stanwithaplan:** will smith i guess 

**willsmithofficial:** i was summoned? 

**thefreshprince:** HOLY SHFUCK 

**lionel richie:** shfuck 

**squiddie:** did we just summon will smith by saying his name six times? 

**zoomzoombitch:** what kind of bloody mary bullshit is this 

**willsmithofficial:** ooh shit we sending pics? Me first 

**willsmithofficial:** [selfiewithjaden.jpg] 

**willsmithofficial:** yo i’m will smith and my guess is that i’m the team mascot or something? Idk, my boy says hi tho 

**thefreshprince:** UPDATE I PISSED MYSELF AGAIN 

**hot beverage:** son,,, 

**squiddie:** nasty 

**willsmithofficial:** yo lil’ me don’t piss yourself, ur creepin out mr. squid man 

**thefreshprince:** im crying 

**farmersonly.Com:** sorry for summoning you mr. the smith 

**compASS genius:** mr. the smith im 

**willsmithofficial:** youre what? 

**willsmithofficial:** shit gotta go theyre comin for me peace 

**zoomzoombitch:** mike saying mr. the smith reminded me of tow mator saying mr. The king bc they are both hillbillies 

**lionel richie:** omg i’ve got number 50,,, thank you max 

**theration one:** ?? 

**lionel richie:** hillbilly :) 

**bill pickle:** oh god 

**mikewheelie:** is no one going to mention that will smith is currently running from someone?? 

**hot beverage:** hey stan we voted can we send photos now since honorary member will smith sent one? 

**stanwithaplan:** yeah i guess 

**mikewheelie:** okay guess we are just going to ignore it uh okay 

**theration one:** so how are we going to decide the order? 

**stanwithaplan:** beautiful question, beautiful lucas! 

**theration one:** … 

**farmersonly.Com:** _soft boy has returned_

**stanwithaplan:** i’m using www.wheelspin.com to randomly select the order! 

**lionel richie:** why does stan sound like a horribly paid youtuber to sponsor a company? 

**compASS genius:** USE MY AUDIBLE CODE FOR UR FIRST AUDIOBOOK FREE 

**zoomzoombitch:** USE MY CRUNCHYROLL CODE FOR A WEEK OF FREE ANIMES 

**thefreshprince:** HEY SQUADFAM ILY GO BUY MY BOOK LINK IN BIO TURN ON MY POST NOTIFICATIONS AND SUBSCRIBE IM RESPONDING TO COMMENTS FOR THE FIRST 2 SECONDS AFTER POSTING MY VIDEO 

**mikewheelie:** too accurate, i love my meme friends 

**hot beverage:** i love my dead gay son 

**squiddie:** mom im alive 

**hot beverage:** thank god, speaking of dead where is my hubby?? 

**benchilada:** hello princess i was making coffee so i can talk to you all night long  <3 

**hot beverage:** you’re too good to me :’) 

**zoomzoombitch:** a d a y 

**compASS genius:** 2 4 h o u r s 

**bill pickle:** it’s been longer than 24 hours! 

**lionel richie:** ur just saying that cause stan called you hot 

**stanwithaplan:** ...anyway! Shall we start? 

**compASS genius:** spin that wheel pat! 

**theration one:** imsorrydustinicantcontrOLMYSELF pat doesnt spin the wheel 

**bill pickle:** im starting to think that he actually cannot physically control correcting dustin 

**compASS genius:** -_- 

**stanwithaplan:** hoo wow! The wheel landed on farm mike!! Alright you're first! 

**thefreshprince:** actually he is second because our god will smith went first 

**hot beverage:** hm i wonder why mike is going first 

**lionel richie:** probs bc stan is desperate to jack off and needs more for photos to add to his giant collection that he found while stalking bill and mike last night, watch i bet that bill will get “randomly” picked second 

**stanwithaplan:** fF R I CH iE 

**squiddie:** omg can you delete him now 

**stanwithaplan:** I AM SO CLOSE TO DELETINH HIS ENTIRE ACCOUNT 

**farmersonly.Com:** haha dont worry stan i know he’s just joking ily 

**bill pickle:** yeah no worries i’ve known richie and he’s always been like this 

**farmersonly.Com:** alright,,, are y’all ready to see my beautiful face? 

**compASS genius:** yall 

**mikewheelie:** y’all 

**farmersonly.Com:** stfu or gtfu 

**lionel richie:** get the fuck up 

  


**_stanwithaplan has kicked lionel richie from “the losers party with honorary member will smith” at 11:45 a.m. EST_ **

  


**farmersonly.Com:** my mans  <3 

**stanwithaplan:** <3 

**hot beverage:** _soft_

**farmersonly.Com:** dont steal my line 

**hot beverage:** send ur damn photo mike!! I wanna see ur beautiful face!! 

**bill pickle:** im sorry guys but richie is blowing up my phone and freaking out bc he thinks u actually wont add him back 

**bill pickle:** even tho he seems like a prick, he’s actually very self conscious 

**bill pickle:** i can tell he truthfully cares for you guys 

**bill pickle:** you guys really should’ve seen him at lunch yesterday 

**bill pickle:** he was gushing over everyone and he even said how he is so happy because he feels like he finally has a group of really good friends 

**mikewheelie:** omg what 

**thefreshprince:** that’s so cute what the heck 

**stanwithaplan:** that sounds,,, nothing like richie at all,,, but it’s very sweet 

**squiddie:** ...really? 

**bill pickle:** oh yeah haha you should’ve seen him talk about you eddie 

**squiddie:** …? 

**bill pickle:** he was gushing about you, word of the wise,,, when he talks how he talks to you, that’s how he has flirted with people in the past just saying… 

**compASS genius:** OOH 

**squiddie:** ...what? 

**stanwithaplan:** klasdhfkjalsdf okay add him back alreaddy so we can all see mike’s face 

**theration one:** ^^ 

**zoomzoombitch:** agreed 

  


**_bill pickle added lionel richie to “the losers party with honorary member will smith” at 11:52 a.m. EST_ **

  


**lionel richie:** sup fuckers 

**zoomzoombitch:** why do you have my phone?? 

**thefreshprince:** FUCL YOU THATS WHY 

**benchilada:** son, language 

**hot beverage:** my hero :’) 

**compASS genius:** he said fucl there’s no profanity there 

**farmersonly.Com:** alright are you guys ready to handle my hot face? 

**stanwithaplan:** yes 

**mikewheelie:** im ready to see my mike competition :) 

**farmersonly.Com:** alright… 

**farmersonly.Com:** [cutemikeselfieinhoodie.jpg] 

**bill pickle:** oh wow mike definitely wins, how did you even include me in the top two stan?? 

**stanwithaplan:** wow… 

**hot beverage:** AW OMG HELLO MIKE ITS SO NICE TO SEE YOUR FACE AW 

**mikewheelie:** i hAVE LOST THE MIKE BATTLE YOU OFFICIALLY WIN 

**compASS genius:** but ur supposed to be farm mike?? Where’s the buckteeth and hillbilly haircut? 

**farmersonly.Com:** hahah thanks everyone! You’re all too nice 

**stanwithaplan:** okay the wheel is spinning and it lands on…! 

**stanwithaplan:** shit 

**stanwithaplan:** it landed on me :( 

**hot beverage:** i’m so excited to see my french canadian noodle boy :’) 

**bill pickle:** noodle boy? 

**mikewheelie:** blessed fact: staniel has curly noodle hair 

**bill pickle:** oh… 

**stanwithaplan:** [selfiewithsunglassesthenoodlehairandadisgustedface.jpg] 

**thefreshprince:** STANNY BOYYYY WHAT 

**compASS genius:** why are all of my friends hotter than me 

**zoomzoombitch:** rELATE 

**benchilada:** i’m suddenly nervous to send a photo,,, what if bev doesn’t think i’m pretty? 

**farmersonly.Com:** stan wtf u are so hot 

**bill pickle:** ^^^ 

**farmersonly.Com:** why did you rank US top two?? Should've definitely been you and bill?? 

**bill pickle:** nahh more like you and mike, you haven’t seen me yet haha 

**farmersonly.Com:** i trust stan’s taste in men 

**zoomzoombitch:** you literally just said you didn’t by saying he should’ve been in the top two 

**squiddie:** i'm laughing mike technically just called himself hot through stan and bill’s words 

**stanwithaplan:** oh wow haha,, thanks guys,, i’m flattered 

**stanwithaplan:** also mike is right, i know what i’m talking about 

**stanwithaplan:** not that the rest of you are ugly!! just that uhh mike and bill are prettiest? idkikdikdikdik 

  


**_//help bev//_ **

 

**hot beverage:** careful stan ur gay is showing for both of your boyfriends 

**stanwithaplan:** hijfsfvkjlsenjk 

  


**_//the losers party with honorary member will smith”_ **

  


**stanwithaplan:** anywho! lucas the wheel chose you next! 

**theration one:** but,, you’ve already seen me,, 

**compASS genius:** come on lucasss!! just send another 

**thefreshprince:** [lennyface.jpg] 

**compASS genius:** stfu william 

**theration one:** well okay, i took some photos with my friend downtown today, i can show you one of those 

**theration one:** but i look like an artsy nerd fyi 

**hot beverage:** good i am ready 

**theration one:** [lucasinsweaterdowntownposing.jpg] 

**theration one:** [cutelucasinbuttonuppointingtohimself.jpg] 

**hot beverage:** hothothothot 

**mikewheelie:** u look good boi 

**lionel richie:** :          ) 

**zoomzoombitch:** oh wow hi lucas i’d go straight for you wow 

**thefreshprince:** you take such good photos!! I take photos with professional cameras too 

**theration one:** hah thanks! Actually my friend took those two but thank you! 

**lionel richie:** rip will 

**benchilada:** you should send the professional photos when it’s ur turn will! 

**hot beverage:** omg yes i want to see my son slay 

**stanwithaplan:** okay eddie it’s ur turn!! 

**squiddie:** ack okay uhh 

**squiddie:** i couldnt find any photos from before today, so i’m just going to take a mirror selfie and send it v quick! 

**compASS genius:** sounds good dude 

**mikewheelie:** yeet 

**lionel richie:** hah can’t wait to see how accurate my image was 

**squiddie:** [cutemirrorselfieinoverallswithscrunchedupface.jpg] 

**squiddie:** rip this is the best i could do 

**bill pickle:** richie is in my house rn lol you guys shouldve seen him im shitting myself 

**lionel richie:** BILL DONTU FUKCINDF 

**bill pickle:** he screamed and yelled that eddie looked so cute and then he tried to act like it was a joke once he realized what he had said and rambled on about being accurate on his overalls or some shit 

**lionel richie:** FUCL O F F 

**squiddie:** aw thanks richie :))))) 

**squiddie:** bill ily thank you for exposing richie 

**zoomzoombitch:** okay but i think we can all agree that eddie is probably the cutest out of all of us, i’m guessing will is pretty high up there though maybe even a tie 

**compASS genius:** yep same, and probs ben too 

**theration one:** ^^^ 

**hot beverage:** aw my boysssss also EDDIE MY SON U ARE SO ADORABLE 

**squiddie** : thanks mommy  <3 

**stanwithaplan:** alright sir hot wheels is next 

**mikewheelie:** OH YIKES UH 

**farmersonly.Com:** woo go mike!! I’m excited to see my twin!! 

**mikewheelie:** lmao we nothing alike 

**farmersonly.Com:** even tho ur white it doesn’t mean we aren’t twins! 

**mikewheelie:** i wasn’t even talking race it’s just ur hot and i’m the definition of not 

**thefreshprince:** shhhshshshsh send us ur beautiful face hot wheelios 

**mikewheelie:** ehh… okayy… 

**mikewheelie:** [beautifulphotoofmyboyoutsidewithsunglassesandwavyhair.jpg] 

**hot beverage:** mY boY 

**compASS genius:** who knew, mike wheeler = full time liar?? 

**theration one:** k yeah mike the actual f you are super attractive?? 

**bill pickle:** i agree but,, you kind of look rlly rlly similar to richie?? 

**lionel richie:** what? No he doesn’t? Tf bill?? 

**bill pickle:** no the similarities are almost stricking?? 

**lionel richie:** no look!! His hair is wavy?? Mine’s rlly curly compared to his?? And his face shape is rounder? 

**bill pickle:** idk.. 

**stanwithaplan:** ooh! The wheel chose Bill!! :) 

**benchilada:** i wanna see bill!! 

**hot beverage:** me too omgomgomg 

**thefreshprince:** billllllllllll 

**bill pickle:** ehhh i made richie take this photo of me this morning,, so i apologize for the bad quality haha 

**zoomzoombitch:** aw omg did you guys take photos of each other just for this? 

**lionel richie:** ...maybe 

**compASS genius:** AW 

**bill pickle:** [cutephotoofbillinfrontofflowerswithpeacesign.jpg] 

**stanwithaplan:** my heart 

**farmersonly.Com:** oh my god stan what holy crap u were right this boy is hot 

**stanwithaplan:** i told you!!!?!?!? 

**hot beverage:** BILL MY MAN 

**squiddie:** wow what did a beautiful man like you do to be locked up in a small town in maine with richie 

**lionel richie:** #rude 

**lionel richie:** any man would be lucky to live NEAR me let alone next door 

**thefreshprince:** youguysarenextdoorneighborsomgomgomgsocute 

**hot beverage:** shhshshh nonono i dont ship that will 

**thefreshprince:** oh? What do we ship then? 

**hot beverage:** i’ll pm you 

**theration one:** … 

**zoomzoombitch:** … 

**farmersonly.Com:** ? 

**lionel richie:** also bill smh you should’ve sent the one where you were licking up that ice cream cone  >:) 

**bill pickle:** dont you dare 

**lionel richie:** man imagine everyone’s dick once they see this :) 

**lionel richie:** [billlickingupicecreamconethatspilleddownhishand.jpg] 

**lionel richie:** pay back is a bitch isn’t it denbrough? 

**thefreshprince:** A H 

**hot beverage:** dont look ben it will spoil ur str8ness 

**hot beverage:** jesus holy i cant even look anymore 

**benchilada:** icannt see bacuase my eys are closedf but iwnated to twwl you bev thst my euees art cklosed 

**compASS genius:** hey lucas how does that sentence make you feel :) 

**theration one:** i neED TO CLEAN IT 

**zoomzoombitch:** dustin what did you do 

**theration one:** i* cannot* because* eyes* closed* i* wanted* tell* that* eyes* are* closed* 

**theration one:** FUCK YOU DUSTIN 

**compASS genius:** :) 

**farmersonly.com:** oof oh god i need a minute 

**farmersonly.Com:** stan please delete that from the chat 

**stanwithaplan:** …………… richie tozier you better fucking run 

**lionel richie:** ITS A LOT SCARIER SINCE HE KNOWS OUR LAST NAMES SH I T 

**stanwithaplan:** don’t worry mike i deleted it ur safe now 

**farmersonly.Com:** my noodle in shining armor 

**stanwithaplan:** alright Richard Tozier mr.hotstuff, the wheel chose you. Show them what you got :) 

**lionel richie:** oh shit 

**lionel richie:** uhhhh fuck okay ;;; 

**lionel richie:** [rllyprettyphotoofrichieoutside.jpg] 

**stanwithaplan:** oh that’s actually a lot better than the photo i found of you online was 

**mikewheelie:** we dont look the same at all??? 

**lionel richie:** ikr??? 

**lionel richie:** so eddie am i hot :) 

**squiddie:** jesus fucking christ richie i hate you 

**lionel richie:** ill take that as a “fuck yeah daddy 69/10” 

**squiddie:** I reiterate, “jesus fucking christ richie i hate you” 

**zoomzoombitch:** richie my dude you look sickkk i like ur hair 

**lionel richie:** thx bbg also stan wdym photo you found of me??? 

**stanwithaplan:** oh you know,, 

**stanwithaplan:** this one :) 

**stanwithaplan:** [memeyphotoofrichiescreaminganditsrllyblurry.jpg] 

**thefreshprince:** HAH ME 

**compASS genius:** i relate like literally those are th only photos i have of myself 

**squiddie:** oh wow richie!! You are hot!! 

**lionel richie:** at least you are admitting it ;) 

**farmersonly.Com:** think that was sarcasm bud 

**lionel richie:** GET BACK TO THE PLOW OLD MCDONALD E I E I FUCKING O 

**hot beverage:** IM CRYING 

**hot beverage:** i think that was the best insult i have EVER heard for mike 

**farmersonly.Com:** im crying but of laughter holy shit richie 

**benchilada:** hye bwv can i lppk now >

**theration one:** hey* bev* look* ?* 

**theration one:** WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME DUSTIN???? 

**compASS genius:** heheheheh 

**stanwithaplan:** omg bev is next!! 

**thefreshprince:** gASP mommmmm!!!! 

**benchilada:** ooh my goodness im so nervous i get to see my beautiful princess wife for the first time 

**hot beverage:** ahh omg okay, my friend does makeup/model blog posts and she asked me to be a model for her once!! So here is that end result: 

**hot beverage:** [wowthemostbeautifulphotoofbeverlyever.jpg] 

**benchilada:** holy 

**benchilada:** fuck 

**benchilada:** …. 

**benchilada:** i suddenly am 100 times more nervous to send a photo 

**benchilada:** you are stunning wow im shaking rn actually 

**thefreshprince:** not to interrupt my beautiful boy ben, BUT MY MOM IS A FUCKING SUPER MODEL HOLY FUCK 

**squiddie:** ^^^^^ IM CRYING WHAT WOW 

**zoomzoombitch:** f uc ck i M ga Y 

**zoomzoombitch:** if you weren’t engaged to ben i would literally fall in love with you and try for years on end to try to get you to even look at me wowowowowowo 

**lionel richie:** bev wins 

**compASS genius:** bev wins 

**farmersonly.Com:** bev wins 

**theration one:** bev wins 

**mikewheelie:** bev wins 

**bill pickle:** bev wins 

**hot beverage:** wowow i am feeling the love tonight thank you all so so much??? Crying??? 

**hot beverage:** also ben my lovely babe don’t be nervous i love you 

**theration one:** bev if the small chance of us meeting in person happens, you have got to model for me and let me take photos 

**theration one:** that goes for all of you actually,,, 

**bill pickle:** omg that’d be so fun! To all meet up and have a giant photoshoot and then we can watch movies and play games and omsjbujavsd 

**farmersonly.Com:** _soft boy <3 _

**mikewheelie:** THAT SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUCKING FUN 

**stanwithaplan:** OOH WILL IS NEXT GET READY YOU GUYS 

**stanwithaplan:** lucas you’ll want to take photos of this boy trust me he models for himself 

**thefreshprince:** i’ve been waiting for this moment for years :,) 

**compASS genius:** technically only like 9 months though because you’ve only known us for 9 months 

**thefreshprince:** same difference 

**thefreshprince:** [willcutelyposingforcamera.jpg] 

**thefreshprince:** [willlookingconfusedatcamera.jpg] 

**thefreshprince:** [willthinkingcutelyforcamera.jpg] 

**thefreshprince:** gratata ;) 

**hot beverage:** FUCK MY BOY IS SLA Y I N G IT 

**zoomzoombitch:** i was right, eddie and will and definitely the cutest tf 

**bill pickle:** makes sense, they are bev’s and ben’s children 

**compASS genius:** TRUE 

**theration one:** holy shit will you are such a good moDEL LEMME TAKE YOUR PHOTOOOOOO 

**squiddie:** my brother and mom are so attractive i feel like the weakling 

**lionel richie:** hmmmmmm 

**squiddie:** the actual fuck 

**bill pickle:** dont worry eddie, in real life he screamed “no yOu FuckiNG aReNt LOoK at YuH cUtE bOy” to his phone 

**lionel richie:** no he didnt 

**lionel richie:** no i didnt **** 

**squiddie:** aw richie ur so sweet ;) 

**bill pickle:** ;) 

**thefreshprince:** awww thanks guys ur so sweet  <3 

**benchilada:** my wife is an angel, my children are cute little puppies, i’M scared I lOoK like a dWaRF 

**stanwithaplan:** bennybooboo you’re next!!!!! 

**hot beverage:** i love you sweetie don’t be scared  <3 

**squiddie:** dad  <3 

**theration one:** i am including you when i say i want to do a photoshoot buddy, you got this don’t be nervous :) 

**compASS genius:** cute 

**compASS genius:** i mean uh yeah lucas is right dont fret man i look like a literal door knob you cant be worse than me 

**zoomzoombitch:** stfu dustin u door knob 

**compASS genius:** my point exactly 

**benchilada:** [cutephotoofbenstandingandsmilinginasnazzyoutfgit.jpg] 

**hot beverage:** AW W  < 333 

**bill pickle:** ben my dude what you had nothing to worry about look at you man 

**squiddie:** holy shit look at those guns what 

**compASS genius:** my man you look fly as fuck 

**theration one:** see look. Perfect model material right there just saying :p 

**thefreshprince:** ben  <3333 

**zoomzoombitch:** wow ben and bev are a beautiful couple and they have beautiful children where can i find this type of love :( 

**bill pickle:** dont worry max!! I’m sure you will find a wife just as badass and cool as you :) 

**farmersonly.Com:** my boy coming in strong with these _soft vibes_

**zoomzoombitch:** bill wow that’s like the sweetest thing i’ve ever been told 

**compASS genius:** oof it’s just me and you left max 

**zoomzoombitch:** ack i’m nervous now because everyone else is so good ??/ 

**stanwithaplan:** dustin!! You’re up :) 

**compASS genius:** oh god okay, i only have one photo of me that isn’t blurry and,,, i apologize,,, 

**compASS genius:** [preciousboydustinwithswirlystrawsstickingoutofhismouthliketusks.jpg] 

**hot beverage:** oijddfoandocna that photo is hilarious but you are adorable dustin omg 

**mikewheelie:** this photo definitely sums you up quite well 

**theration one:** you look good 

**compASS genius:** wow! Thanks lucas!! 

**theration one:** … :) 

**lionel richie:** thank god this app doesn’t say when people take screenshots 

**farmersonly.Com:** richie you fool 

**lionel richie:** oh come on i know you all did it ;) 

**thefreshprince:** yes but that defeats the purpose OF IT NOT SAYING WHEN WE SCREENSHOT 

**lionel richie:** oh okay so i’m not supposed to mention that we all know stan and mike and probably even more of you screenshotted Bill’s ice cream photo? 

**farmersonly.Com:** hsonsao what no 

**stanwithaplan:** i did no such thing 

**squiddie:** ...sorry but ur not fooling anyone stanny 

**lionel richie:** :D eddie spaghetti!! 

**squiddie:** ick get off tozier 

**lionel richie:** i already am ;)) 

**squiddie:** MOTHEER 

**hot beverage:** richie leave eddie, stan, mike, bill, and the rest of this damn chat alone please 

**lionel richie:** i can’t resist the princess ;) 

**benchilada:** i will beat you up 

**farmersonly.Com:** soft boy with a dark side!! 

**thefreshprince:** we all know you can beat him up too bc we saw your muscles jesus christ ben 

**benchilada:** heh 

**mikewheelie:** stan come back!! Spin the wheel(ie) i want max to go!! 

**compASS genius:** that pun makes me want to death 

**theration one:** im trying so hard not to correct you but im succeeding bc i know you purposely did it 

**zoomzoombitch:** thx for the love hot wheels but why the fuck would stan spin the wheel if i’m the only one left? 

**stanwithaplan:** i like watching to colors go around :D 

**farmersonly.Com:** _soft and excited boy bless_

**stanwithaplan:** max wins!! She is the last one!! 

**hot beverage:** now is a prime example of the use for the phrase “saved the best one for last” 

**zoomzoombitch:** my heart did a flippy thing wow thank you bev :’) 

**thefreshprince:** did u mean mr. Heart 

**bill pickle:** *high fives will* 

**zoomzoombitch:** ick i have another photo besides this one but it looks very model-y and professional and i’m a nervous, self-deprecating asshole so shrug 

**zoomzoombitch:** [cutephotoofmaxlaughingatnightatskatepark] 

**squiddie:** ow my heart you are so cute max 

**bill pickle:** cute but bad ass 

**lionel richie:** ^^^ 

**compASS genius:** man we make a pretty mean monster hunting team don’t we mad max? 

**zoomzoombitch:** heheh yeah :) 

**thefreshprince:** cute also i agree 

**squiddie:** agreed 

**stanwithaplan:** agreed 

**mikewheelie:** im agreeing too 

**farmersonly.Com:** *nods in agreement* 

**theration one:** not that i don’t agree, but i don’t think i’m alone when i say that i would rlly like to see the photo you described as more model-y 

**hot beverage:** me too!! 

**benchilada:** ^^ 

**squiddie:** u are beautiful dont feel shy!! 

**thefreshprince:** ^^ 

**zoomzoombitch:** ehhhehhh okayy,,, 

**zoomzoombitch:** [beautifulphotoofmaxlookingovershoulder.jpg] 

**theration one:** wow… 

**compASS genius:** crying my monster hunter partner is an actual goddess 

**hot beverage:** that beats my model photo 100% max wowow you look amazing! 

**lionel richie:** i love how my bad ass meme bud can go from bad ass sk8er gurl with snake to bad ass hot model who will crush you 

**zoomzoombitch:** aww thx richie  <3 

**farmersonly.Com:** wow we are an attractive bunch aren’t we guys? 

**stanwithaplan:** retweet 

**squiddie:** legit tho 

**theration one:** my mind is racing like i’m thinking of so many possible photoshoot outfits that would fit you guys but also match your personalities and locations and just Y E S 

**theration one:** i’m not going to sleep for the next three years 

**benchilada:** literally me though because of the time difference yikes guys it’s like 3:30 a.m. Here now,,, ily all especially kiddos and especially especially you bev  <3 

**benchilada:** goodnight  <3 

**lionel richie:** goodnight benito! 

  


**_stanwithaplan created groupchat “hey let me clear this up haH uh” at 1:35 p.m. EST_ **

 

**_stanwithaplan added farmersonly.com and bill pickle to “hey let me clear this up haH uh” at 1:35 p.m. EST_ **

  


**stanwithaplan:** hey guys,, 

**stanwithaplan:** sorry if this is weird or unexpected :p 

**farmersonly.Com:** it’s all good, what’s up stanley? 

**bill pickle:** ^^ :) 

**stanwithaplan:** i just wanted to apologize to Bill… I didn’t actually screenshot that photo of you… 

**bill pickle:** hahahahah!!! Oh stan i hope you weren’t worried about that all this time! 

**bill pickle:** richie’s just got nasty humor, i’ve learned to just accept it now :p 

**bill pickle:** but there’s no worries! Thank you for telling me though haha 

**bill pickle:** besides,, i wouldn’t really mind if either of you had screenshotted it 

**farmersonly.Com:** what??! Why not? 

**bill pickle:** it’s okay haha! I mean it’s just me eating ice cream 

**stanwithaplan:** yeah… haha… definitely… 

**bill pickle:** aww come on you guys know i’m not serious i’m not THAT oblivious lmao 

**farmersonly.Com:** i was about to say haha;;; 

**bill pickle:** now if it were someone like Max or Dustin, I might’ve had a problem bc I know they would tease me with it 

**bill pickle:** but i mean,, why would you guys screenshot it? 

**stanwithaplan:** yeah,, haha,, 

**bill pickle:** ;) 

**bill pickle:** i like teasing you guys 

**bill pickle:** do you want the photo? 

**stanwithaplan:** what???? 

**farmersonly.Com:** uh no,, it’s fine,,? 

**bill pickle:** hmm okaaay tell me if you change ur mind tho ;) 

**farmersonly.Com:** ??! 

  


**_farmersonly.Com created groupchat “wtf just happened” at 12:39 p.m. CST_ **

 

**_farmersonly.Com added stanwithaplan to “wtf just happened” at 12:40 p.m. CST_ **

 

**farmersonly.Com:** uHH 

**farmersonly.Com:** what tHE fuck JuSt HapPeNeD??? 

**stanwithaplan:** IDFKKKK???????? 

**farmersonly.Com:** i’M sO CONFUSED 

**stanwithaplan:** i dont think that was bill, richie had to have stolen his phone,, 

**stanwithaplan:** ...right??? 

**farmersonly.Com:** ??!?!?! IDK ??!??!? 

  


**_//hey let me clear this up haH uh//_ **

 

**bill pickle:** richie stole my phone i am so sorry!! 

**bill pickle:** it was me until the “besides i wouldn’t really mind if either of you had screenshotted it” richie took my phone when i went to the bathroom 

**stanwithaplan:** thank god mike and i were just shitting ourselves like “UHHH WTF??” 

**farmersonly.Com:** thank god i was so scared 

**bill pickle:** oh my god i’m so sorry that must’ve sounded so weird omg im so sorry 

**stanwithaplan:** dont apologize bill!! You’re good don’t worry 

**farmersonly.Com:** haha no worries bill, it’s funny now 

**farmersonly.Com:** scary as hell at first, but now rlly funny haha 

**bill pickle:** ehh okayyy sorry guys haha im going to kill him 

  


**_//the losers club with honorary member will smith//_ **

 

**lionel richie:** IM A DEADMAN IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU ALL TELL BEVERLY I SAID I LIKE HER TIAUbuvuhjkabnLNWHBSHGIZKBJ19I87 

**lionel richie:** hey eddie ur so hot i love you i squeal about your photo in my living room and think ur overalls make you look “like a little teddy bear, eddie bear” 

**squiddie:** … 

**lionel richie:** im an emo boy who is growing his curly hair out to cover my bangs like the true edgelord i am i play the guitar and my favorite band is my chemical romanCRETGHJBUVUYCTFYGJ 

**lionel richie:** BILL DENBROUGH YOURE DEAD 

**lionel richie:** MY FAV BAND IS NOT MCR BTW 

**hot beverage:** i love how you only correct that part of what bill said 

**lionel richie:** wdym sweetheart, the rest is true 

**squiddie:** ….. 

**lionel richie:** aw omg ur blushing rn am i right 

**squiddie:** ...shut up 

**thefreshprince:** eddie bear awwww  <3 

**squiddie:** SHUT THE FUCK UP 

**hot beverage:** fiesty, just like the son i raised him to be :’) 

**bill pickle:** hello little update from me: i am not dead also richie is currently screaming into a pillow bc he thinks it’s adorable that eddie is blushing 

**mikewheelie:** hardly and update on yourself, but glad to know you are alive and thriving 

**bill pickle:** i wouldn’t say thriving, now i am currently sat under richie who i boUnc ai nf an d i 

**thefreshprince:** rest in peace bill 

**zoomzoombitch:** dont get me wrong i love this richie roast, but wasn’t the eddie thing a little much bill? 

**bill pickle:** _a little much?_

**bill pickle:** _you dont know what richie did_

**farmersonly.Com:** _you dont know what richie did_

**stanwithaplan:** _you dont know what richie did_

**theration one:** seems like they know what richie did? 

**compASS genius:** i would like an explanation?? 

**lionel richie:** hahah yeah it was pretty bad wasn’t it? 

**lionel richie:** also i’m back hello bill was an awful chair 

**bill pickle:** well i wasn’t exactly made to be a chair so :/ 

**hot beverage:** lovely lovely bill, stan, mike, someone explain what richie did? 

**mikewheelie:** hi im rick harrison and this is my pawn shop 

**zoomzoombitch:** u never know what’s gonna walk through that door 

**thefreshprince:** whIP 

**compASS genius:** my memers just put two pawn stars vines together im mcloving life 

**lionel richie:** iVE MCFALLEN 

**hot beverage:** guess i will never find out what richie did :( 

**bill pickle:** tbh probably for the best beverly 

**stanwithaplan:** ^^ 

**farmersonly.com:** ^^^^ 

**hot beverage:** shrug okay 

**mikewheelie:** sorry bev, my family is all at my parents house and my sister brought her fucking annoying boyfriend with weird hair and they turned on pawnstars jfc 

**mikewheelie:** [nancyandstevewatchingpawnstarswithmikelookingverydisappointed.jpg] 

**lionel richie:** tell nancy i said she looks hot 

**mikewheelie:** how tf do you know her name??? 

**lionel richie:** she was in the chat for like two seconds yesterday 

**compASS genius:** her boyfriend’s hair isn’t that bad,, i think it’s cool 

**mikewheelie:** ughfbcbj no he looks like a fucking loaf of bread 

**compASS genius:** bread is tasty tho so 

**mikewheelie:** i just told steve that my friend said his hair looked tasty and he just squinted his eyes, said “what the actual fuck michael”, and returned to pawn stars 

**theration one:** i’m crying, i relate to steve on a personal level 

**stanwithaplan:** me too but i’ve got better hair 

**farmersonly.Com:** ^^ 

**thefreshprince:** ^^ 

**squiddie:** ^^ 

**zoomzoombitch:** OMGOMG BYE GUYS EMERGENCY ALERT 

**zoomzoombitch:** THIS MODEL IS MESSAGING ME I FUCKING LOVE HER 

**zoomzoombitch:** JKSDNF SHE IS SO HOT AND I COMMENTED ON ONE OF HER POSTS AND SHE COMMENTED BACK ON MINE SAYING I’M REALLY PRETTY AND SHE DIDN’T DESERVE COMPLIMENTS FROM ME 

**zoomzoombitch:** AND SHE JUST FUCKING DMED ME IM 

**zoomzoombitch:** BIPPITY BOPPITY BYE 

**thefreshprince:** bye max?? 

**compASS genius:** hey maybe our grill is gettin a grill!! 

**squiddie:** i hate that i read that as a normal sentence wtf 

**theration one:** i heard model and im interested 

**theration one:** also im super duper awake and alert bye i’m going to take a walk and take photos and PLAN COSTUMES YAY 

**hot beverage:** i love lucas we’ve known each other for like a day and he’s already planning on meeting us all in person and treating us like celebrities 

**lionel richie:** i mean technically it’s been more than a day though,, 

**hot beverage:** idc i’m always going to say we’ve known each other for like a day 

**bill pickle:** neat 

  


**_squiddie created groupchat “i think im gay” at 2:01 p.m. EST_ **

 

**_squiddie added hot beverage to “i think im gay” at 2:01 p.m. EST_ **

  


**squiddie:** mom i need ur help 

**squiddie:** i hate that im admitting this but richie is actually rlly hot and funny 

**squiddie:** and when bill talks about how richie freaks out about how he thinks im adorable,,, 

**squiddie:** i get all happy and giggly HELP 

**hot beverage:** wHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS COME TO ME FOR BOY HELP THIS IS THE 3RD CHAT 

**hot beverage:** but youre my son and this is adorable awwww omg 

**squiddie:** dont make fun of me :( 

**hot beverage:** i wont i swear!! But i mean,, 

**hot beverage:** we’re talking about Richie here… 

**squiddie:** oh god… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!! They exchanged photos!! Let's see what everyone thinks :)
> 
> //
> 
> bill pickle: i'm going to fucking kill richie
> 
> lionel richie: i'm going to fucking kill bill
> 
> squiddie:,,,,do you actually think richie did those things or is bill just trying to tease him,,, he didn't deny it??
> 
> hot beverage: my husband is such an attractive man i'm crying
> 
> farmersonly.com: i'm so confused,,,, stan and bill??? whTAtsh??!
> 
> stanwithaplan: f u c k
> 
> benchilada: i'm so tired but im married to an actual goddess so life is okay
> 
> mikewheelie: i feel like the ugly one :(
> 
> compASS genius: my meme queen is so cool??? i'm??? i've got to meet max in person
> 
> theration one:OKAYBUTIMAGINEBEVINABLUEOUTFITTOMATCHHERBRIGHTEYESANDHERHAIRISNICEANDWAVYANDWECANSHOOTTHEPHOTOINGRTONY-
> 
> thefreshprince: is it bad that i feel like i'm going to pee myself a third time just thinking about will smith?
> 
> x
> 
> zoomzoombitch: this girl is HOT HOOOOOOOOO BUDDY
> 
> //
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! the comments and kudos really helped me write faster!! thank you so much for the love and support so far everyone!! stay tuned because eleven will join next chapter, memes will ensue, and truth or dare is coming soon ;)
> 
> also i based the photos off of actual photos of the actors, would you like me to link them at the beginning of the next chapter?


	5. "i will cut out your achilles tendons if you quote frozen again"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fUCKIN 10,000 WORD CHAPTER LMAO
> 
>  
> 
> Hey everyone!! Tysm for all of the support omg!! I'd like to give a special thanks to my friends Blake, Max, skelewhore (she's got mineta x death stuff idk), and puffygoddess (Check her out she writes actually good BNHA fics) for helping out!
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter includes lot's of memes, soft, a game of truth or dare, and many more surprising things!
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: 12/12/2017 - HELLO GUYS OMG IM SO SORRY I HAVE BEEN UTTERLY SWAMPED WITH PREPARING FOR FINALS, SNOW CUTTING OUT MY POWER, CONCERT PREPARATIONS, AND LOTS OF OTHER STUFF. BUT FEAR NOT! THIS HAS NOT BEEN ABANDONED AND CHAPTER SIX IS IN PROGRESS! IT WILL BE UPLOADED ASAP BUT SADLY THAT MAY STILL BE A LITTLE BIT, MY WINTER BREAK STARTS 12/21, SO IT SHOULD DEFINITELY BE OUT AROUND THEN IF NOT BEFORE. APOLOGIES 
> 
>  
> 
> Bill - bill pickle  
> Richie - lionel richie  
> Eddie - squiddie  
> Beverly - hot beverage  
> Mike H. - farmersonly.com  
> Stan - stanwithaplan  
> Ben - benchilada  
> Mike W. - mikewheelie  
> Dustin - compASS genius  
> Lucas - theration one (i've given up w/ his name rip lucas)  
> Will - thefreshprince  
> Eleven - illbreakurleggos  
> Max - zoomzoombitch

**_benchilada created groupchat “Hello Princess” at 6:00 a.m. AEST_ **

 

**_benchilada added hot beverage to “Hello Princess” at 6:02 a.m. AEST_ **

 

**benchilada:** hey bev are you awake? my alarm just went off, my first class is in an hour

**hot beverage:** benny! yeah i’m awake! it’s 9:03 p.m. here, it’s crazy that we are living life at different times of the day 

**benchilada:** haha yeah it really is…

**hot beverage:** what’s up? you alright or did you just want to chat? :)

**benchilada:** ur photo just blew me away… i’m still just shocked by how beautiful you are

**benchilada:** and even after you saw me,, you’re still so sweet and kind,,

**hot beverage:** but sweetie, you are adorable what are you talking about?

**hot beverage:** you manage to be so incredibly cute but a muscly hunk at the same time!!

**benchilada:** bev… i weigh a lot more than i’d like to…

**hot beverage:** omg i’m tearing up i want more than anything to hug you

**hot beverage:** you have no reason what-so-ever to feel like you aren’t good enough

**hot beverage:** i love how you look, whether you think you are overweight or underweight, you’re handsome to me

**hot beverage:** besides!! look at you!! you’re so huggable but you look strong enough to kick anyone’s ass who comes near me or our kids

**hot beverage:** not that i can’t defend myself though, i can kick anyone’s ass

**hot beverage:** listen,, i know what it’s like to be self-conscious,,

**hot beverage:** i think every woman does bc of the media these days, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a problem for you either

**hot beverage:** i know you might see a lot of negative things towards yourself, but those things are just what make you unique

**hot beverage:** and, i happen to love what makes you unique

**benchilada:** :)

**benchilada:** wow i actually feel so much better

**benchilada:** so bev,, i know we’re “married with kids” haha

**benchilada:** but…

**benchilada:** what do ya say,,, 

**benchilada:** would you want to go on a date with me sometime? <3

**hot beverage:** brb im crying

**hot beverage:** of course!!!!! but theres a problem, we live half the world away :(

**benchilada:** sure that may be a problem for now, but we can do online dates! maybe even look into chatting through skype?

**hot beverage:** that would be the best!!!

**benchilada:** <3 <3 <3

**hot beverage:** so is it official? 

  
  


**_benchilada renamed the chat “benverly” at 6:14 a.m. AEST_ **

  
  


**benchilada:** it’s official

**hot beverage:** :)

  
  


**_//the losers party with honorary member will smith//_ **

  
  


**zoomzoombitch:** WASSUP FUCKERS

**stanwithaplan:** i hate you

**zoomzoombitch:** i hate me too

**zoomzoombitch:** anyWAYS 

**zoomzoombitch:** so how many of you have heard of penis

**bill pickle:** what the fuck 

**lionel richie:** hell yeah my boiiiiiiiiiiii

**zoomzoombitch:** jk dick is big nasty

**compASS genius:** so what are we doing today

**farmersonly.com:** sucking big boi chodes

**zoomzoombitch:** LETMESPEAKKSJADHFKJASDHV

**thefreshprince:** this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down

**mikewheelie:** and i’d like to take a minute so sit right there and i’ll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel-air

**willsmithofficial:** hello, i was summoned?

**willsmithofficial:** shit nvm they are still chasing after me gotta run

**zoomzoombitch:** i hate my life and i want to die

**theration one:** rip will smith don’t die

**thefreshprince:** i guess i’m just gonna piss myself everytime will smith appears cause i’ve peed like three times now

**zoomzoombitch:** even will smith wants me to kill myself i guess 

**farmersonly.Com:** okayokay max go ahead speak u ho

**zoomzoombitch:** masanobu fukuoka had a farm, why don’t you get back to yours :(

**farmersonly.Com:** whom the fuck

**zoomzoombitch:** AYWAY SO YOU REMEMBER THAT SUPER HOT GIRL I WAS TALKING TO ONLINE

**theration one:** anyway*

**compASS genius:** nobody likes you

**hot beverage:** yes we remember, continue my child :)

**zoomzoombitch:** thanks bev aka the only one who cares about me :(

**benchilada:** we can adopt you if you’d like

**benchilada:** we have 2 children i wouldn’t mind another :)

**zoomzoombitch:** :D

**thefreshprince:** sister?

**squiddie:** sister?

**hot beverage:** daughter!!

**squiddie:** the three of us will share a special bond unlike any other

**lionel richie:** kinky

**squiddie:** FUCKINGBLOCKHIM

**stanwithaplan:** i already did that and last time bill ended up adding him back two minutes later

**hot beverage:** dont yell at him staniel

**bill pickle:** thx bev im scared of him

**zoomzoombitch:** OKAYWELLWETALKEDFORALONGTIMEANDSHEREALLYLIKESCRYPTICSTUFFTOOANDIMENTIONEDTHECHATTOHERANDSHEWANTSTOJOIN

**lionel richie:** new member? 

**thefreshprince:** hmmmmm we need to chat with stan

**squiddie:** unCLE STANNY BOY

**lionel richie:** this kink is getting out of hand

**stanwithaplan:** richie this is your last chance

**lionel richie:** whAT WILLL YUH DO HUH

**lionel richie:** FIGHT ME??

**lionel richie:** I LIVE HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY AND I CAN BEAT YOU NOODLE MAN

**bill pickle:** but,,, you are also a noodle man?

**lionel richie:** STFU BILL THIS ISNT TIME FOR YOU TO TALK SHHHSH

**stanwithaplan:** you underestimate my power, tozier

**sionel richie:** TRY ME BITCH

  
  


**_stanwithaplan removed lionel richie from “the losers party with honorary member will smith” at 9:37 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**stanwithaplan:** if any of you add him back i will blackmail you into oblivion

**stanwithaplan:** especially you pickle boy

**stanwithaplan:** i have blackmail material :)

**farmersonly.Com:** OKAY BUT YOUR BLACKMAIL MATERIAL FOR PICKLE BOY INCLUDES BLACKMAIL MATERIAL FOR ME,,,?

**stanwithaplan:** oh i have that too, but i have a lot of blackmail for all of you actually since i had to searcg the entire fucking web to find you all

**thefreshprince:** creepy stan

**farmersonly.Com:** _ soft boy with a dark side?? _

**benchilada:** there was nothing soft about that

**hot beverage:** dark side?? More like evil split personality

**farmersonly.Com:** stan is always soft regardless fight me ben

**compASS genius:** damn dude idk ben would probably win

**theration one:** his guns don’t lie

**benchilada:** shakira?

**hot beverage:** bless the lord oh my soul

**zoomzoombitch:** im crying everyone is ignoring me, can we invite her or no?

**stanwithaplan:** everyone in favor of inviting this anonymous new member who is hot, say will smith

**thefreshprince:** will smith

**zoomzoombitch:** WILL SMITH

**bill pickle:** will smith

**hot beverage:** will smith

**benchilada:** will smith

**mikewheelie:** will smith

**willsmithofficial:** yes?

**farmersonly.Com:** will smith

**willsmithofficial:** what do you want farmer boy?

**compASS genius:** will smith

**willsmithofficial:** obviously i missed something,,, one sec

**willsmithofficial:** just read, i agree, will smith

**zoomzoombitch:** okay she has will smith’s official blessing, i’m gonna add her

**stanwithaplan:** alright :)

  
  


**_zoomzoombitch added illbreakurleggos to “the losers party with honorary member will smith” at 6:37 a.m._ **

  
  


**mikewheelie:** i just now realized that it is fucking 6:37 for you wtf 

**willsmithofficial:** welcome im will smith whats ur name violent girl

**illbreakurleggos:** …

**zoomzoombitch:** I TOLD YOU WILL SMITH WAS ACTUALLY IN THIS CHAT LMAO

**stanwithaplan:** Welcome! I’m Stan and I’m 24 from Quebec! Everyone do an introduction for our new member

**illbreakurleggos:** actually max told me a whole bunch about you already, but go ahead just in case i missed anything!

**bill pickle:** Hello I’m Bill and I’m 23. I live in Maine nextdoor to my friend Richie who is usually here too, but he was an asshole with nasty humor so he is temporarily removed from the chat

**stanwithaplan:** haha “temporarily” …

**illbreakurleggos:** lol wonderful

**squiddie:** Hello I’m Eddie, I’m 21 from New York :)

**hot beverage:** I’m bev!! I’m 25 and I live in Brighton so I’m super far away from all of these losers :p

**mikewheelie:** i’m mike, 22 and I live in Indiana 

**theration one:** hi! I’m lucas, 23 and from ATL. I heard you’re a model??

**illbreakurleggos:** yea! I’ll send you some pics!

**bill pickle:** richie is looking over my shoulder and he’d like to let me know that he says “kinky”

**stanwithaplan:** bill you’re playing a dangerous game

**thefreshprince:** lucasss model later, introductions now!!

**thefreshprince:** hi i’m will, 20, i live in maine too but about 2 hours from bill and richie :(

**compASS genius:** i’m dustin! I’m 24 and I run a radio show with my friend, i live in sacramento 

**illbreakurleggos:** whoa dude i live in sacramento too! Don’t tell me ur radio show is…

**illbreakurleggos:** is it the one about the alien attacks and cryptic shit or the wild bull runnings?

**compASS genius:** omg no way you listen to theory talk time???

**illbreakurleggos:** ITS MY FUCKING FAVORITE

**compASS genius:** HOLY SHIT WELL UH-

**compASS genius:** i’m ur host dustin henderson and you are tuning in to theory...talk...time!

**illbreakurleggos:** WAHWAHWAHWAHWAH

**compASS genius:** IM CRYING U KNOW THE THEME SONG

**zoomzoombitch:** THAT’S YOU???? WHY DIDN’T I CONNECT IT EARLIER WOW IM DUMB????

**Zoomzoombitch:** also CRYING?? You live in cali too??

**bill pickle:** richie wanted me to tell you guys that you are “fucking plebs”

**stanwithaplan:** u are walking a fine line bill denbrough

**farmersonly.Com:** hey i’m mike 2.0 aka the cooler mike, i’m 26 and i live in alabama

**benchilada:** hello i’m ben! I’m 23 and I live in Australia!!

**zoomzoombitch:** and that’s all of us besides me of course :)

**zoomzoombitch:** i’m max, i’m 22 and from pasadena

**illbreakurleggos:** well! It’s nice to meet you all :)

**stanwithaplan:** can we know a little bit about you? We only know that you live in sacramento and that you are a model

**illbreakurleggos:** okay..

**illbreakurleggos:** My instagram is pretty big, but it’s more of a platform because I do proffesional modeling for magazines and stuff like that, but I’m 22 and I live in Sacramento. I want to start a music career, but for now I’m focused on just modeling. The reason I am here, besides Max inviting me, is because I think that the government is hiding a lot of secrets, like powers or aliens. I’ve also had some personal experiences with some of the secrets they are hiding

**bill pickle:** ooh interesting

**stanwithaplan:** ^^ 

**stanwithaplan:** Do you have a name we can refer to you as? Unless you’d like to be referred to as scary leg woman?

**illbreakurleggos:** Haha, of course sorry. My name is Eleven, but most refer to me as El haha

**squiddie:** Eleven is your name..??

**compASS genius:** YOU MEAN YOU ARE T H E ELEVEN AKA WAFFLEGODDESS ON INSTAGRAM??

**illbreakurleggos:** haha yeah! You know me??

**theration one:** holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit

**theration one:** you are wafflegoddess????

**hot beverage:** i just looked you up and holy shit what

**thefreshprince:** YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL WOW 

**compASS genius:** i can’t believe eleven listens to my radio show

**theration one:** uH I’m such a big fan!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**illbreakurleggos:** haha thanks guys i didn’t think you guys would recognize me

**stanwithaplan:** I would suggest us all sending photos to you,, but that would take way too long for the author to type and she doesn’t want to drag the story on and on

**farmersonly.Com:** ...what just happened

**stanwithaplan:** I-I don’t know...I don’t even recall typing that

**thefreshprince:** Stan just broke the fourth wall and doesn’t even remember doing it…?

**hot beverage:** spooky shit man

**benchilada:** creepy creepy

**mikewheelie:** I do agree with Stan though, maybe we can all send her photos individually?

**squiddie:** don’t you think that would spam her phone?

**compASS genius:** true,, 

**zoomzoombitch:** no worries guys i can send all of your photos to her privately

**illbreakurleggos:** yeah haha it’s fine, max will do a good job of showing me your photos i’m sure

**hot beverage:** aw max :)

**zoomzoombitch:** SHUTUPSHUTUP

**stanwithaplan:** Okay new member El! We have three rules:

**mikewheelie:** 1) This is a judge-free zone. No discrimination of any kind towards race, gender, sexuality, religion, etc.!

**illbreakurleggos:** No problem there for sure! I’m bisexual btw :)

**thefreshprince:** aw, convenient >:))))

**hot beverage:** >:))))

**illbreakurleggos:** …?

**thefreshprince:** oh nothing >:))))

**zoomzoombitch:** … i swear if this has something to do with me

**compASS genius:** Rule #2: Monster hunting/Conspiracy can only be told from a truthful standpoint if they are your own, no made-up bullshit unless it’s part of a practical joke

**illbreakurleggos:** My stories are very outrageous, but all 100% true :)

**stanwithaplan:** RuLe NumbER thREe

**squiddie:** …

**stanwithaplan:** cliquey mcpilot?? Anyone??

**bill pickle:** everyone picks on me for my bad taste in humor, but even i don’t get that one stanny sorry <3

**stanwithaplan:** i’m dead inside

**thefreshprince:** quick ma get the camera, uncle stanny is memeing!!

**illbreakurleggos:** i’m crying you are all so memey 

**farmersonly.Com:** good cry or bad cry

**illbreakurleggos:** definitely a good cry

**benchilada:** :D

**illbreakurleggos:** aww that was  _ soft _

**hot beverage:** …

**mikewheelie:** …

**compASS genius:** …

**farmersonly.Com:** GASP

**zoomzoombitch:** oh god

**farmersonly.Com:** I LOVE  _ SOFT _ THINGS

**illbreakurleggos:** finally someone who shares my love of  _ soft _

**farmersonly.Com:** _ b l e s s _

**stanwithaplan:** anyway, rule number three is that friends don’t lie

**hot beverage:** that one is the most important

**thefreshprince:** mhm

**illbreakurleggos:** Understood, honesty is more important than anything

**theration one:** wow ur such an icon pls let me take your photo

**illbreakurleggos:** ;) 

**illbreakurleggos:** i didnt mean that in a suggestive way, just as an “i’m flattered, of course” type way 

**theration one:** it’s gucci no worries

**compASS genius:** gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang

**zoomzoombitch:** oh god i hate that song pls no

**benchilada:** retweet i’m sorry but yIkEs

**hot beverage:** my baby boy is smart, good

**squiddie:** im patiently awaiting the day my mom and dad make it official

**benchilada:** lol whoops

**hot beverage:** haha yeah uh

**mikewheelie:** dont make them feel forced eddzies

**squiddie:** dont call me that

**compASS genius:** although they look alike, richie and mike are not the same person eddie so you don’t have to use your lines on him

**squiddie:** shut up dustin

**compASS genius:** D: I have been bullied by the pure boy im sad

**squiddie:** h a h “pure boy”

**theration one:** !?

**squiddie:** i may be “cute lil eddie” but i’m not mr. Pure boy

**hot beverage:** this is news to me!!

**squiddie:** if only you guys knew lmao

**bill pickle:** richie left 40 minutes ago you better be glad he’s not looking over my shoulder anymore

**benchilada:** but yeah bev is my girlfriend now lol bye guys i’m going to bed

**thefreshprince:** WHAT

**squiddie:** WHAT

**compASS genius:** well i’d hope so,,, you are married

  
  


**_//dairy bois, we’re the milkmen//_ **

  
  


**bill pickle:** richard tozier, my man i know you only left 3 hours ago but i’m lonely man, can you head back over so we can hang out in my room?

**bill pickle:** … it’s been 20 minutes since you read that message…

**bill pickle:** come on man, i’ll even let you watch harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban and talk over the entire thing with your memes

**bill pickle:** … richie, it’s been 6 hours since you’ve left and I’m getting nervous

**bill pickle:** why are you leaving me on read?!

**bill pickle:** once the seventh hour comes i’m coming to check on you if you don’t answer me.

**bill pickle:** … okay that’s it, i’m coming over

  
  


**_//_ **

  
  


Bill quickly pushed his chair into his desk with a loud bang and rushed down the stairs. He grabbed his jacket from off of the newel of his staircase and whipped his head into the living room.

 

“Hey m-mom, I’m h-heading over to R-Richie’s house for a l-little bit, I m-might be home later t-tonight but if n-n-not I’m gonna s-stay over, k-kay?” He asked in a rush and got the tiniest nod from his mother who didn’t move her gaze from the TV. “W-We’re also g-gonna smoke pot and have s-sex.” He said monotonously and his mom nodded more, still not looking away from the TV, “Yeah yeah I heard you Bill have fun and keep quiet, Property Brothers is on.” She said, clearly not paying attention. Bill sighed heavily and stormed outside, sprinting across the lawn to Richie’s front door. He knocked heavily, listening closely to the heavy footsteps that walked ever-so-slowly towards the door, finally unlocking it and creaking open.  _ Ugh. Wentworth. _ Richie’s dad took his cigarette out of his mouth, blowing smoke towards Bill at the same slow pace he answered the door. 

 

“H-Hello Mr. Tozier, is R-Richie home..?” He said softly with a stutter, the man sighed and let out another deep breath of smoke, “I already have one 23 year-old living in my house, I don’t need another one…” he huffed, not answering the question until he noticed Bill didn’t move, another sigh came from the man blocking the door, “Check upstairs, I don’t fucking know what he does anymore.” He grumbled before slowly moving and letting Bill have enough room slip through and sprint up the stairs. Bill burst Richie’s door open and saw him sitting in the corner of his room.

 

“Oh god…” Bill said

  
  


**_//the losers party with honorary member will smith//_ **

  
  


**bill pickle:** hey uhh,,, guys??

**mikewheelie:** wassup Bill! We were just about to start a game of Truth or Dare, wanna join?

**stanwithaplan:** Bill :D

**bill pickle:** i just stopped by Richie’s house,,, he is super fucking drunk,,,

**farmersonly.Com:** …

**hot beverage:** oh no… is he okay?

**bill pickle:** he wouldn’t stop crying about how he lost his friends and felt so lonely…

**squiddie:** oh my god oh my god is he okay??? 

**benchilada:** :((

**bill pickle:** it’s kind of like the other day when I told you guys about how he may seem like an asshole but that’s truly just his sense of humor, he really cares about others

**bill pickle:** he’s also rlly self-deprecating,,, so if you guys wouldn’t mention it to him that’d probably make everything go a lot smoother

**bill pickle:** just,,, what i’ve learned to do is deal with his shit humor, sometimes even partake in it, and he’ll be the closest and most trust-worthy friend you could ever have

**stanwithaplan:** …okay, you can add him back now

**stanwithaplan:** i just hope he will eventually dull down on the sexual humor

**bill pickle:** ehhh… hopefully?

**bill pickle:** okay here we go, word of the wise he is really drunk right now sorry

**stanwithaplan:** wait maybe now isn’t the best time

  
  


**_bill pickle added lionel richie to chatroom “the losers party with honorary member will smith” at 9:39 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**bill pickle:** whoops sorry stan

**illbreakurleggos:** hello richie it’s nice to meet you! I’m eleven :0

**lionel richie:** why difd wr let am eleben yesr old jpoin??:

**theration one:** oh god oh god oh god

**compASS genius:** lucas pls no

** theration one: **  did* we* an* eleven* year* join* IMSORRYDUSTIN

**zoomzoombitch:** eleven is her name richie, and welcome back :)

**lionel richie:** cock xock vock cokvcock:D

**stanwithaplan:** and this is why you didn’t meet richie earlier el 

**illbreakurleggos:** hahaha 

  
  


**_//eds and zac efron//_ **

  
  


**squiddie:** hey richie,,, are you awake? I know it’s late

**lionel richie:** oh god yeah,,, i have the worst headache,,,

**lionel richie:** technically it’s early,, i mean it’s 2:34 a.m.

**squiddie:** wow you’re starting to sound like Lucas

**lionel richie:** yikes

**lionel richie:** so why is my sweet eds messaging me at 2:34 in the morning?

**lionel richie:** can’t get me out of your thoughts? ;)

**squiddie:** why do i need to say this everytime do NOT CALL ME THAT

**squiddie:** to answer your question,,, is bill with you?

**lionel richie:** yeah but he’s snoring like a lil baby look

**lionel richie:** [billsleepinganddrooling.jpg]

**squiddie:** omg lmao

**lionel richie:** why?

**squiddie:** i just,, didn’t want him reading over your shoulder,,

**lionel richie:** are you okay? If this is about me and your mom last night, i promise it was only a one-time thing ;)))

**squiddie:** gross… and no it’s just i wanted to talk to you about something but bill told me not to bring it up…

**lionel richie:** oh?

**squiddie:** richie,,, even if i act disgusted with you or i seem upset,,, i’m not

**lionel richie:** …

**squiddie:** or at least i haven’t been TRULY upset yet, but i think you’d be able to tell if i was

**squiddie:** and that goes for the rest of the losers party too, we all love you

**squiddie:** Bev, Will, and Ben love you

**squiddie:** Max, Dustin, and Lucas love you

**squiddie:** Mike, Mike, and Stan love you

**squiddie:** I can tell that El already loves you too!

**squiddie:** You know Bill loves you too of course

**lionel richie:** and you?

**squiddie:** what?

**lionel richie:** you didnt include yourself on that list

**squiddie:** oh…

**squiddie:** of course i love you richie <3

**lionel richie:** :) thanks eddie

**squiddie:** hey look! U even called me by my real name!

**lionel richie:** the moment was intimate, i had to eddie spaghetti ;)

**squiddie:** and he’s back again…

**lionel richie:** haha

**squiddie:** ...but seriously Richie

**squiddie:** even though you were kicked from the group for a little bit, you will never be kicked from the losers party

**squiddie:** hell i’ve known you for 2 weeks and i’m closer with all of you than i’ve ever been with anyone, i think all of us are

**lionel richie:** same here…

**squiddie:** just don’t forget that you are loved by all of us <3

**squiddie:** even will smith!!

**lionel richie:** my life is complete, i have a group of badass friends and i’m loved by THE will smith

**lionel richie:** and cute new york boy with overalls and a pet teacup pig ;)

**squiddie:** yep!! 

**lionel richie:** <3 

**squiddie:** alrightie hotstuff we’ve got to rest a lot for tomorrow, we have a long session of truth or dare scheduled! It’ll probably last hours

**lionel richie:** aw you think i’m hotstuff? :D

**squiddie:** hmm

**squiddie:** yeah ;)

**squiddie:** gn sweetheart <3

**lionel richie:** WHOAWHOAWHOAWHOA WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY EDS?

**squiddie:** sleep tozier

**lionel richie:** goodnight princess <3

**squiddie:** *insert rolling eyes emoji*

**squiddie:** man that’s a lot more lame without actual emojis

**lionel richie:** sleep tentacles

**squiddie:** lolololol u don’t know my last name so u can’t mom me SUCK IT

  
  


**_//_ **

  
  


**_lionel richie created groupchat “stan my funky funky man” at 2:51 a.m. EST_ **

 

**_lionel richie added stanwithaplan to “stan my funky funky man” at 2:54 a.m. EST_ **

  
  


**lionel richie:** stan i have an emergency

**stanwithaplan:** you just woke me up at 3:00 in the fucking morning this better be good tozier

**lionel richie:** i need a list of everyone’s last name

**stanwithaplan:** pff fuck no go back to sleep

**lionel richie:** i’ll send you photos of bill being cute

**stanwithaplan:** …

**stanwithaplan:** photos first

**lionel richie:** [billsleepinganddrooling.jpg]

**lionel richie:** [billlaughingatrichie.jpg]

**lionel richie:** [billpettingacat.jpg]

**lionel richie:** [billatsixflagswithahatandtwosnowcones.jpg]

**lionel richie:** pleased?

**stanwithaplan:** very

**stanwithaplan:** Bill Denbrough, Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak, Beverly Marsh, Mike Hanlon, Stan Uris, Ben Hanscom, Mike Wheeler, Dustin Henderson, Lucas Sinclair, Will Byers, El Hopper, Max Mayfield

**lionel richie:** wait el joined today how did you find her stuff?

**stanwithaplan:** uhhhhh

**lionel richie:** anyway thank you jesus

**stanwithaplan:** im jewish

**lionel richie:** thank you allah

**stanwithaplan:** dfnsldfnskfnskajaksd that is so wrong on so many levels

  
  


**_//eds and zac efron//_ **

 

**lionel richie:** sleep kaspbrak

**squiddie:** UHH

**squiddie:** YOU DISAPPEAR FOR 6 MINUTES AND COME BACK KNOWING MY LAST NAME WTF

**lionel richie:** i bribed stan :)

**lionel richie:** im the all-knowing richie now, i know everyone’s last name

**squiddie:** what omg you’ve got to tell me 

**lionel richie:** hmm convince me

**squiddie:** what?! Like what??

**lionel richie:** hmmm 

**lionel richie:** how about you let me call you pet names without you complaining

**squiddie:** ehh idk..

**lionel richie:** whadda you say babe ;)

**squiddie:** NOPE NOT THAT ONE

**lionel richie:** awww whyy :(

**squiddie:** i thought i told you to let me sleep?

**lionel richie:** fine! Guess you’ll never know anyone’s last name :p

**squiddie:** ...how else can i convince you

**lionel richie:** this sounds like the start to a really bad porno

**squiddie:** goodnight

**lionel richie:** fine!! Okay okay i got it

**lionel richie:** send me cute selfies of you and your pig

**squiddie:** i dont have any?

**lionel richie:** dont lie to me i am the eddie whisperer remember? And my eddie-sense is telling me you take lots of piggie selfies!

**squiddie:** ...fine

**squiddie:** [lauperandeddiesmiling.jpg]

**squiddie:** [eddiekissinglauperonthecheek.jpg]

**squiddie:** [eddiewearinglauperasahat.jpg]

**squiddie:** pleased?

**lionel richie:** aww omg almost! Send me a video too :)

**squiddie:** oh god how did you know,,, the only vid i have is super embarassing,,,

**squiddie:** [eddiesinging”gooniesRgoodenough”anddancingaroundwithlauper.mov]

**lionel richie:** AHH AW OMG <33

**lionel richie:** I THINK THATS THE CUTEST THING IVE EVER SEEN

**squiddie:** just send me the damn list so i can sleep!!

**lionel richie:** Bill Denbrough, Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak, Beverly Marsh, Mike Hanlon, Stan Uris, Ben Hanscom, Mike Wheeler, Dustin Henderson, Lucas Sinclair, WIll Byers, El Hopper, Max Mayfield

**squiddie:** more like stanley urine

**lionel richie:** loml <3

**squiddie:** GOODNIGHT RICHARD TOZIER

**lionel richie:** sweet dreams edward kaspbrak <3

  
  


**_//the losers party with honorary member will smith//_ **

  
  


**benchilada:** gueSS what time it is!! Aka it’s 6 am for me i just woke up

**lionel richie:** mah boiiiii bennnnnn also welcome lol it’s 4:00 pm here :p

**stanwithaplan:** yes! I am glad everyone has gathered on time!! Let’s do role call!

**stanwithaplan:** stan

**stanwithaplan:** present

**stanwithaplan:** hahahhh im funny…

**stanwithaplan:** :)

**stanwithaplan:** anywhoozles-

**farmersonly.Com:** _ cute _

**stanwithaplan:** :)

**stanwithaplan:** bill

**bill pickle:** here!

**stanwithaplan:** richie

**lionel richie:** PENIS :D

**illbreakurleggos:** lmaoo

**stanwithaplan:** eddie

**squiddie:** i’m here

**stanwithaplan:** bev

**hot beverage:** here and ½ queer

**illbreakurleggos:** relate

**stanwithaplan:** mike squared

**mikewheelie:** he

**farmersonly.Com:** re

**squiddie:** how did you..?

**mikewheelie:** :

**farmersonly.Com:** )

**zoomzoombitch:** update: thats the official scariest smiley yet

**hot beverage:** true

**stanwithaplan:** ben

**benchilada:** hello :)

**stanwithaplan:** dustin

**stanwithaplan:** dustin??

**illbreakurleggos:** his radio show ends in 15 minutes, i’m listening in right now!

**zoomzoombitch:** me too, he’ll be just a little late :p

**lionel richie:** pleb

**stanwithaplan:** ughffffffff okay

**stanwithaplan:** lucas

**theration one:** here :)

**stanwithaplan:** will

**thefreshprince:** we going straight to the wild wild west ;)

**stanwithaplan:** _ sigh _

**stanwithaplan:** el

**illbreakurleggos:** here!

**stanwithaplan:** and max

**zoomzoombitch:** hi my name is tre and i have a basketball game tomorrowwww

**thefreshprince:** bless these memes

**stanwithaplan:** so! While we are waiting for dustin let me explain the rules

**stanwithaplan:** one person will ask another truth or dare, then once they are given what they choose they have to complete the question/action given to them unless it is voted by the leader (me :D) as inappropriate

**stanwithaplan:** if they fails to complete their original choice without it being inappropriate, the chooser gets to give them one from the other category and they have to complete it regardless of the circumstances (unless it’s inappropriate)

**stanwithaplan:** once the action is completed, that person chooses the next victim!

**stanwithaplan:** dares need photo/video proof by the way

**stanwithaplan:** truths are trusted to be real since friends don’t lie

**stanwithaplan:** so as an example:

**stanwithaplan:** beverly: truth or dare

**hot beverage:** dare!

**stanwithaplan:** i dare you to jump off a bridge

**stanwithaplan:** so let’s say i accepted this and didn’t deem it as inappropriate for some reason and she doesn’t end up jumping off a bridge-

**hot beverage:** yeah sorry no can do

**stanwithaplan:** okay! For your truth, you have to tell us the scent of your shampoo!

**lionel richie:** stan is like fucking winnie the pooh, man that was a truly exhilarating truth stanley!!

**stanwithaplan:** shut it tozier

**lionel richie:** NO STANLEY URIS

**stanwithaplan:** oh shit i forgot about that 

**benchilada:** #exposed

**squiddie:** stanley urine

**lionel richie:** <3

**hot beverage:** my shampoo is lavender!

**stanwithaplan:** alright! Let’s wait for dustin to return!

**compASS genius:** hey guys sorry for being so late, i had to drive home,,,

**zoomzoombitch:** we waited for 40 minutes jfc

**benchilada:** thank god it’s the weekend or else i’d be on my way to class rn

**stanwithaplan:** alright let’s start!!

**stanwithaplan:** the wheel chooses-

**stanwithaplan:** Hot wheels to ask first!!

**mikewheelie:** ooh okay uhhh let’s see.

**mikewheelie:** Eleven, truth or dare?

**illbreakurleggos:** Dare

**mikewheelie:** okay! Change ur name to a pun off of your name

**illbreakurleggos:** hmm let’s see

**illbreakurleggos:** ah okay here

  
  


**_illbreakurleggos changed their name to onehelevenidiot at 2:03 p.m. PST_ **

  
  


**onehelevenidiot:** get it? Like “one hell of an idiot” but instead “one heleven idiot”

**mikewheelie:** lol niceee

**onehelevenidiot:** nono wait actually i got something better

  
  


**_onehelevenidiot changed their name to el chapo at 2:04 p.m. PST_ **

  
  


**mikewheelie:** oh yeah that one’s great 

**el chapo:** lol okay, max truth or dare?

**zoomzoombitch:** shit uhh, truth?

**el chapo:** what were your first thoughts after talking to me for the first time?

**hot beverage:** pfft

**lionel richie:** want a screenshot?

**zoomzoombitch:** sHUT UP SHUT UP

**zoomzoombitch:** i thought you were rlly cool and pretty and i was excited to talk to you and uhhhhh yeah :)

**el chapo:** aww cute 

**zoomzoombitch:** stan, truth or dare?  _ :) _

**thefreshprince:** the scary smiley returns

**stanwithaplan:** yeah uh no way you’re getting me to do a dare, truth.

**zoomzoombitch:** Fuck, Marry, Kill: Beverly, Bill, and Farm Mike

**farmersonly.Com:** oh shit

**stanwithaplan:** this one is too inappropriate

**squiddie:** NUH UH STAN YOU CAN DO THAT JUST BC YOU DONT WANT TO ANSWER

**stanwithaplan:** shit uh okay uh

**hot beverage:** it’s okay stan, you can kill me no worries

**stanwithaplan:** fuck okay-

**stanwithaplan:** fuck bill, marry mike, kill bev only bc she said i could and ben would kill me if i fucked or married her

**benchilada:** true

**bill pickle:** 0///0

**lionel richie:** bill don’t use cringe anime emojis

**bill pickle:** WE CAN’T USE REAL ONES HOW ELSE I AM SUPPOSED TO EXPRESS THAT I AM BLUSHING??

**lionel richie:** oh wow i’m blushing hah

**bill pickle:** … you got me there

**farmersonly.Com:** stannn i’d be such a good husband to you don’t worry

**stanwithaplan:** <3

**stanwithaplan:** okay will truth or dare?

**thefreshprince:** which one?

**stanwithaplan:** you obviously, other will isn’t here

**thefreshprince:** okay just checking, dare >:)

**stanwithaplan:** eat a tablespoon of mayonnaise 

**stanwithaplan:** and you got to send a video!

**thefreshprince:** okay but that’s easy mayo is delish

**lionel richie:** ^^

**mikewheelie:** ^^

**hot beverage:** ^^

**bill pickle:** ^^

**theration one:** ^^

**farmersonly.Com:** ^^

**zoomzoombitch:** ick

**el chapo:** ^^

**compASS genius:** ^^

**squiddie:** ^^

**benchilada:** sorry bev but ^^

**hot beverage:** cannot believe my husband and one of my sons doesn’t like mayo smh

**thefreshprince:** [willeatingspoonfulofmayo.mov]

**thefreshprince:** done :)

**stanwithaplan:** nasty

**squiddie:** _ nasty  _

**thefreshprince:** eddie! T or d

**squiddie:** ughhh t

**thefreshprince:** hmm ooh what did you dream about last night?

**squiddie:** …

**squiddie:** give me a dare i’m not answering that one

**theration one:** oh shit

**compASS genius:** you know what that means!!

**hot beverage:** my precious son,, where is your pure

**squiddie:** _ long gone _

**thefreshprince:** okay, i dare you to tell us who was in your dream last night >:)

**squiddie:** IS HE ALLOWED TO DO THAT STAN??

**stanwithaplan:** …afraid so, sorry nephew

**benchilada:** hey you don’t have to say what happened though! Just who was in it!

**el chapo:** ^^ !! :) don’t worry no judging

**lionel richie:** …

**thefreshprince:** damn i should’ve said i dare you to tell us what happened in your dream

**stanwithaplan:** that on the other hand, wouldn’t be allowed since it’s a repeat of the same action

**thefreshprince:** guhfhguf okay answer eddie boy

**squiddie:** … richie

**squiddie:** oKAY T OR D BILL

**lionel richie:** omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

**thefreshprince:** D:

**hot beverage:** my poor son, it’s okay sweetie

**bill pickle:** ...truth

**squiddie:** what’s ur most embarrassing school memory with richie? 

**bill pickle:** ...oh god

**lionel richie:** bill…

**compASS genius:** this is gonna be good

**bill pickle:** so was back in 8th grade, aka the peak of richie’s emo phase

**lionel richie:** oh god i almost forgot about this

**bill pickle:** so richie wanted to go to the library to research some monsters, this was actually the beginning of our interests in cryptids

**bill pickle:** he didn’t want to go alone so i tagged along like the good friend i am

**bill pickle:** THEN this kid, ed cochran, richie had a super big crush on him like wow

**bill pickle:** he walks by and richie is freaking out bc he doesn’t want to be seen looking at nerdy books by his crush

**bill pickle:** _ so he tries to hide in the bookshelf _

**farmersonly.com:** omfg

**thefreshprince:** LMAO

**bill pickle:** the bookshelf ends up tipping and falling down, causing a domino effect and eventually 14 of the 16 shelves had tipped over and the books were everywhere

**hot beverage:** oMG WAS RICHIE STILL IN IT?

**bill pickle:** after the most everlasting and awful silence, richie yelps from under the bookshelves

**bill pickle:** he says “omg bill it was a ghost, AM I DEAD?? ITS SO DARK?? HELP??”

**squiddie:** asusdgfiuasdf

**bill pickle:** but yeah long ltghaa

**benchilada:** what

**bill pickle:** soRRY I SAW A SPIDER FCUk

**farmersonly.Com:** rip billiam

**bill pickle:** update: im alive and i ran all the way to richie’s house

**lionel richie:** true story

**lionel richie:** [cuteselfieofrichiewithbillcoweringinthecornerandcrying.jpg]

**squiddie:** aw 

**hot beverage:** :)

**stanwithaplan:** yikes bill are you okay?

**bill pickle:** yeahyeah im better now, but like i was saying-

**bill pickle:** long story short richie and i spent the next 6 ½ hours cleaning up the library 

**lionel richie:** let’s just say ed cochran never talked to me again :,)))

**squiddie:** rest in pieces man

**lionel richie:** hey whatever i’ve got a better eds now 

**squiddie:** shut up bill it’s ur turn

**bill pickle:** ooh okay uhh dustin truth or dare

**compASS genius:** shit uh, dare

**bill pickle:** i dare you toooooooooo send us a video of you singing

**thefreshprince:** ah man thank god that wasn’t mine, i hate singing for other people

**compASS genius:** HAH JOKES ON YOU IM IN MUSICAL THEATER IM A BEAUTIFUL SINGER

**el chapo:** omg the dustin henderson, mr. Cool guy of monster radio, is in musical theater?

**compASS genius:** shit you canNOT TELL ANYONE

**el chapo:** you’re secret is safe with me, just don’t let the word get out that i am a total geek for monsters and government secrets

**compASS genius:** deal

**mikewheelie:** man dealing with famous people is scary shit man

**compASS genius:** im not nearly famous now don’T SEND ANYTHING I’VE GOT TO 

RECORD MY VOICE

**lionel richie:** dick

**lionel richie:** dick

**lionel richie:** dick

**lionel richie:** dick

**lionel richie:** dick

**lionel richie:** dick

**bill pickle:** richie stfu 

**lionel richie:** dick

**lionel richie:** dick

**compASS genius:** I WILL KILL YOU RICHIE NOW STFU

**lionel richie:** :)

**compASS genius:** you little shit, that was right at the end

**compASS genius:** whatever im going to send it anyway

**compASS genius:** [dustinsingingwavingthroughawindow.mov]

**hot beverage:** dEAR EVAN HANSEN IS THE SHIT

**stanwithaplan:** :D i love that musical

**el chapo:** holy shit you’re so good omg

**el chapo:** actually,,, i’ll private message you later about something

**compASS genius:** oh? Okay?

**theration one:** you sounded rlly good

**compASS genius:** :D wow thanks dustin!

**benchilada:** oh okay i see it now bev

**hot beverage:** :)

**theration one:** see what now?

**thefreshprince:** okay but guys tag yourself i’m the last five seconds of the video

**zoomzoombitch:** “waving, whoaaaa, whoaaaA-RICHIE YOU LITTLE SHI-”

**mikewheelie:** im crying wow how relatable

**bill pickle:** what do you guys mean, i’ve known him for y e a r s

**squiddie:** poor bill

  
  


**_//eds and zac efron//_ **

  
  


**squiddie:** i’m just kidding btw

**lionel richie:** i know

**lionel richie:** thanks cutie

**squiddie:** you know what

**squiddie:** i’m getting used to you calling me stuff like that now lol i’m not eve gonna correct you

**lionel richie:** lol i thought i was gonna get my ass beat bc i read that “you know what” as super duper passive aggresive

**lionel richie:** but that’s sounds just  _ perfect _ to me babe ~

**squiddie:** i’m making amendments to our rule

**squiddie:** no babe, baby, eds, and eddie spaghetti

**squiddie:** more to be added later :)

**lionel richie:** awww okay eddie bear

**squiddie:** Newest Addition to the list: eddie bear

**lionel richie:** :(

  
  


**_//losers party with honorary member will smith//_ **

  
  


**compASS genius:** okay, truth or dare lucas?

**theration one:** oh goodness,,, truth

**compASS genius:** who’s ur celebrity crush *waggles eyebrows*

**mikewheelie:** cringe

**compASS genius:** stfu mike

**zoomzoombitch:** i cannot believe my monster hunter partner uses roleplay language

**compASS genius:** *hugs u and givs u cuddls* ^w^

**farmersonly.Com:** KILL IT

**stanwithaplan:** okay but lucas the question

**theration one:** donald glover

**theration one:** no

**theration one:** fucking

**theration one:** hesitation

**farmersonly.Com:** omg true 

**stanwithaplan:** boiiiiii yeah HOO

**hot beverage:** who?

**benchilada:** childish gambino

**hot beverage:** OH yeah def

**compASS genius:** oh wait lucas i didn’t know you liked dudes tf??

**el chapo:** lol im laughing almost everyone here isn’t straight

**mikewheelie:** ben and i are like the only ones

**benchilada:** we’re bbfs

**benchilada:** best bromos fivever

**mikewheelie:** <3

**lionel richie:** oof there’s too many v’s in that word i cant read that

**theration one:** there’s only two…

**lionel richie:** too many :p

**zoomzoombitch:** okay but poor mike bc the only two girls who were here before you el are currently in a relationship and gay 

**el chapo:** aww rip mike 

**mikewheelie:** eh its whatever

**thefreshprince:** but heyyyyyy uh lucas wanna tell us about ur lil crush?

**thefreshprince:** like,,,, what are you?

**theration one:** To my knowledge, I am a eukarya animalia chordata mammalia primates hominidae homo sapien, african american, male of 23 years, 4 months, and 21 days, measuring at 73.4 inches and 164 pounds.

**benchilada:** ew american measurements

**hot beverage:** ^^ metric is better

**squiddie:** ^^

**thefreshprince:** but you live in new york eddie???

**squiddie:** shhhhhh

**lionel richie:** sorry meo no speako frencho lucaso

**theration one:** sorry i’ll translate to richie lingo

**theration one:** dick =  50% lit, boobs = 50% lit

**lionel richie:** oh i got you now kiddo ;)

**compASS genius:** who knew 

**mikewheelie:** yeah tbh lucas u didn’t strike me as a bicycle

**theration one:** yeah nobody guesses it everyone seems rlly suprised when i tell them :P

**stanwithaplan:** oki ur turn lucas

**theration one:** okay bev, truth or dare

**hot beverage:** tauce me up a saucy dare

**bill pickle:** omg that’s the worst spelling of toss i’ve ever HEARD

**thefreshprince:** we’re texting, you can’t hear her bill

**bill pickle:** stfu u know i meant read

**hot beverage:** LMAO i was thinking of the word saucy when i typed that and i guess it just happened

**benchilada:** i just had a cute idea

**farmersonly.Com:** suprising? Of course not bc you are part of the  _ soft boy squad :) _

**mikewheelie:** may i ask who is in it?

**farmersonly.Com:** _ ben, stan, bill, eddie, will, and honorary member max _

**el chapo:** i agree

**lionel richie:** me too, especially eds ;)

**squiddie:** hey remember our rule!! No eds!!

**thefreshprince:** oof that sounds rlly kinky out of context

**farmersonly.Com:** will is only a part time member though because he’ll say shit like that sometimes

**farmersonly.Com:** richie and dustin are bad rolemodels for will

**compASS genius:** WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO

**compASS genius:** oh okay maybe i see 

**lionel richie:** okay but what did i do

**zoomzoombitch:** funniest damn sentence i’ve ever heard

**zoomzoombitch:** UM ALSO WHY TF AM I LIKE WILL SMITH IN THE SOFT BOY SQUAD?

**zoomzoombitch:** IM LIKE THE MOST UN-SOFTEST

**theration one:** [maxsentahearttothechatomgomg.jpg]

**bill pickle:** [maxisactualasoftie??theoryconfirmed.jpg

**theration one:** hah twinsies

**compASS genius:** i cannot BELIEVE lucas just said twinsies lmaooo

**zoomzoombitch:** you guys are bullies

**farmersonly.Com:** el and i are the presidents 

**el chapo:** aww thx bb

**farmersonly.Com:** <3

**benchilada:** okAy quick bev before lucas gives you ur dare can you tell me your favorite animal?

**squiddie:** this can only end in the cutest way possible

**zoomzoombitch:** rt

**hot beverage:** i like kangaroos :D

**farmersonly.com:** wow beverly that was pretty  _ soft _

**hot beverage:** why benny? <3

**benchilada:** it’s a suprise :)

**theration one:** okay can i give her a dare now?

**stanwithaplan:** yes please

**bill pickle:** aw stanny ur so cute i can tell ur holding back <3

**mikewheelie:** oh wow that was unexpected?

**stanwithaplan:** … wow uh thanks bill :)

**theration one:** bev! i dare you to send your photos in to a modeling agency :)

**theration one:** preferably the one for the company i work for :)

**theration one:** there is a location in london, also i could put in a good word for you? 

**theration one:** i’m pretty high up in the company haha ;)

**hot beverage:** oh wow uh,,,

**thefreshprince:** that dare is pretty extreme lucas,,, what do you say stanopolis?

**stanwithaplan:** 1\. Do not call me that thanks :)

**stanwithaplan:** 2\. Do it, Beverly

**hot beverage:** what??

**stanwithaplan:** I’m being 100% serious when I say that I full-heartedly believe that this is not only something you could make an amazing living off of AND you have an amazing job offer from a friend, but I also think it is something you would truly enjoy doing with your life.

**stanwithaplan:** You don’t want to stay at home with your aunt forever, do you?

**stanwithaplan:** You love fashion and makeup and you are physically (and personality-wise) stunning. I know you could pull it off.

**hot beverage:** wow uh thank you 

**hot beverage:** it sounds amazing,,, i just don’t know if i’m the right person for something like that

**stanwithaplan:** i have two things that totally cancel out your shitty excuse for a sentence you just sent

**stanwithaplan:** 1) I have been your best friend for the past 4 ½ years, I know you better than you do trust me.

**stanwithaplan:** 2) Friends don’t lie :)

**mikewheelie:** Hello? Yes! PB Teen? I would like to order one “Husband” in the color of “Stan Uris”

**mikewheelie:** don’t worry guys i can make that joke bc im not gay 

**el chapo:** okay but real talk i need me a man or woman like stanley uris

**bill pickle:** _ fucking same _

**farmersonly.Com:** that’s the dream co-prez ;)

**el chapo:** Aww! Mike do you have a crush on Stan?

**farmersonly.Com:** what??????

**mikewheelie:** nah man i’m not gay

**mikewheelie:** but bev, are you gonna send in the photos?

  
  


**_//mike squared_ **

  
  


**mikewheelie:** i just saved your ass you owe me one

**farmersonly.Com:** THANK YOU I ALMOST HAD A PANIC ATTACK

**farmersonly.Com:** I OWE YOU MY LIFE. ANYTHING.

**mikewheelie:** careful mike, ur signing urself up for dangerous territory

**mikewheelie:** but i’ll remember that, thanks :)

**farmersonly.Com:** sorry future me :p

  
  


**_//losers party with honorary member will smith_ **

 

**hot beverage:** well i mean, it’s just sending in photos and not guaranteeing anything 

**hot beverage:** and i can’t refuse a dare ;)

**thefreshprince:** !!!

**squiddie:** so proud of my mom :’)

**benchilada:** my wife is a model? Damn how did I get so lucky?

**hot beverage:** i havent gotten the job yet sweetie

**benchilada:** you’ve had the job since day one! You aren’t gonna gain your beauty after getting the job, therefore you’ve always been a model <3

**hot beverage:** MY HEART OH MY GOD BEN WHAT ILY <3

**lionel richie:** one day i want to be as smooth as ben

**compASS genius:** im just suprised someone can be so smooth without being repulsive and extremely inappropriate???

**zoomzoombitch:** ikr he does it such a pure and beautiful way

**mikewheelie:** Hello? PB Teen? It’s me again! I would like to add another item to my order, another “Husband” but in the color of “Ben the Aussie”

**mikewheelie:** no homo bro <3

**benchilada:** bro <3

**hot beverage:** hissssss he is mine mike you cannot buy my husband

**bill pickle:** hi friends im sorry ily but even though stan isn’t saying anything, i can tell he is internally dying because the game isn’t progressing, so beverly dearest, may you please choose someone to ask?

**stanwithaplan:** _ thank you bill i love you _

**lionel richie:** hey guys remember that time that bill was making fun of me for squealing at eddie, well guess what just happened!

**el chapo:** rip bill

**lionel richie:** bill screamed for a solid SEVEN SECONDS AFTER STANSAIDTHATATYGDHJWHAUDSKLM

**lionel richie:** hey im richie and i have screenshots of selfies eddie took with his pig and saved a video of him dancing and singing with it because i thought it was so adorable that i had to show my best friend billy boy hoo what a good guy :)

**squiddie:** i appreciate the richie roast but you just kinda exposed me bill so i gotta take richie’s side with this one sorry :P

**lionel richie:** GRATATA IM BACK AND “BILLY BOY HOO” IS STILL AN INSUFFERABLE COCK

**farmersonly.Com:** disagreed 

**hot beverage:** ^^

**theration one:** ^^

**hot beverage:** alright, truth or dare ben ;)

**benchilada:** truth :)

**hot beverage:** if you could take me anywhere and do whatever you wanted, where would we go and what would we do on our first date?

**compASS genius:** am i surprised this question was asked?

**compASS genius:** heck no

**compASS genius:** am i disappointed?

**compASS genius:** heck no x1000

**squiddie:** our parents are the best will

**thefreshprince:** eddie my boy, u know what’s up <3

**benchilada:** I would pick you up at the airport super early in the morning and bombard you with hugs and kisses, then I would drive you to Wet n’ Wild (my favorite waterpark it’s so fun trust me bevvy) and I’d let you nap in the car on the way.

**benchilada:** We could go on tons of water rides and I could buy you ice cream and we could walk around and hold hands

**benchilada:** Once you are happy and finished with that, I’d take you out for a nice dinner of whatever kind of food you’d like and buy you the nicest dinner you’ve ever had

**benchilada:** Then I would drive you back to my flat and we could cuddle and fall asleep together after talking for hours until we fall asleep.

**benchilada:** Well I wouldn’t give many more details, but some more of the highlights throughout the week would be snorkeling at the coast and taking you to a wildlife exhibit where you can pet koalas and kangaroos! (Your favorite <3)

**benchilada:** Also I’d be able to take my beautiful masterpiece of a girlfriend to the Queensland Gallery of Modern Art where we can wear hipster clothes and pose with the paintings and sculptures for a good mix dramatic and cute photos.

**hot beverage:** oh my god i swear i’ve already died and gone to heaven what the heck ben you are a literal angel?

**bill pickle:** wow ben, that sounds amazing!

**squiddie:** im jealous bev 

**lionel richie:** hey does anyone have a spare million dollars i could use on eddie?

**squiddie:** i’m just gonna ignore your sarcastic comments

**stanwithaplan:** honestly that trip sounds so fun that sounds like something i would plan for myself

**el chapo:** you live in queensland?? That’s like my favorite place ever omg I would say that I would come down and visit you but I don’t want to interrupt your date plans :p

**theration one:** okay but those photo ideas sound so cute sign me tf up

**hot beverage:** wow im actually crying ben i wish i could do all those things with you

**benchilada:** <33

**stanwithaplan:** as adorable as this is, it’s your turn to ask someone ben

**farmersonly.Com:** my man stan is rushing the  _ soft  _ vibes smh

**el chapo:** how does one who is part of the  _ soft boys squad  _ rush the  _ soft _ ?

**farmersonly.Com:** dont ask me el, stan is just able to do so many things i don’t know how he does them

**benchilada:** okay truth or dare richie?

**lionel richie:** i’m feelin’ lucky, dare ;)

**benchilada:** i dare you to send us a photo from your emo phase

**squiddie:** dad i fucking love you

**hot beverage:** language edward

**squiddie:** sorry mommy

**lionel richie:** _ fucccccccccccccccck _

**bill pickle:** richie may i do the honors?

**lionel richie:** ur gonna fuckin have to, i deleted all of my old photos out of s h a m e

**bill pickle:** richard tozier now:

**bill pickle:** [richielayingupsidedownonbedscreamingwithallofthebloodrushedtohishead.jpg]

**lionel richie:** a now photo wasn’t needed bill

**zoomzoombitch:** but it is highly appreciated

**compASS genius:** aw u finished each other’s sandwiches

**zoomzoombitch:** i will cut out your achilles tendons if you quote frozen again

**theration one:** better shut your mouth dustin :)

**mikewheelie:** man i can’t believe you said i looked like him fuck you bill

**farmersonly.Com:** why does richie look like kermit the frog?

**farmersonly.Com:** like flip the photo upside down and his face just-

**farmersonly.Com:** [croppedphotoofrichie’sfacenowfacingupwards.jpg]

**hot beverage:** will

**thefreshprince:** yes mom?

**hot beverage:** this is the moment that i conceived you for

**hot beverage:** work your magic

**thefreshprince:** yes ma’am

**theration one:** ...what just happened?

**hot beverage:** just wait

**thefreshprince:** [richie’sfacephotoshoppedontokermitthefrogsbody.jpg]

**thefreshprince:** ooh kermy~

**lionel richie:** what the fuckkkkk

**squiddie:** BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

**el chapo:** he sent that in 24 seconds...

**hot beverage:** what can i say, my son is a whiz at photoshop

  
  


**_squiddie changed lionel richie’s name to kermy the wormy at 8:41 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**thefreshprince:** bhiuhnib

**farmersonly.Com:** wow i cannot believe my genius comment created this mess

**kermy the wormy:** i do not deserve this BULLYING

**zoomzoombitch:** hey eddie im telling u this as a friend but the two primary definitions of wormy are something that’s been eaten/infested by worms or someone who is submissive just letting you know

**kermy the wormy:** i do deserve this BULLYING** ;))

**squiddie:** ick i didnt mean it like that richie

**bill pickle:** I HAD TO SCROLL BACK FOR MINUTES HOLY SHIT SORRY BUT I FOUND IT

**kermy the wormy:** omg i almost forgot akjsdnfjlad

**stanwithaplan:** i didnt :(

**bill pickle:** im so sorry stan but i got it now! So i’ll send it and then we can move on :)

**bill pickle:** [richiewithlongstraightenedhairandaredstreakinanmcrshirtandjustemo.jpg]

**lionel richie:** yep i knew it was gonna be that one

**hot beverage:** aW yOuRe sO cUTe riChIEEEEEE

**compASS genius:** oof i think i have it bad but at least i dont look like 2007 richie 

**thefreshprince:** omg no way

**thefreshprince:** trashmouthtozierxoxo

**kermy the wormy:** …

**thefreshprince:** I FOLLOWED YOU ON MYSPACE A N D TUMBLR LMAO

**hot beverage:** holy shit u werent lying when you said you had an emo phase

**thefreshprince:** friends dont lie miss bevvy princess ;)

**squiddie:** so you were still a flirtatious bastard even at 13?

**bill pickle:** oh god you have no idea eddie it was so bad

**kermy the wormy:** okay im done with this bullying its my turn to ask

**stanwithaplan:** yes it is richie! Go ahead :)))

**squiddie:** wait sorry stan just one sec-

  
  


**_squiddie changed kermy the wormy’s name to trashmouthtozier at 8:49 p.m. EST_ **

  
  


**squiddie:** okay okay go ahead sorry stan

**stanwithaplan:** its okay that was necessary

**squiddie:** :)

**trashmouthtozier:** im feeling bullied but this is actually a cool name still so whatevs

**trashmouthtozier:** t or d mike

**mikewheelie:** dare

**farmersonly.Com:** truth

**trashmouthtozier:** i have recognized my mistake

**trashmouthtozier:** uhhh okay i’ll just do farm mike sorry cool mike

**mikewheelie:** whatever at least you think im the cool mike :D

**trashmouthtozier:** i got to help out my good boi hot wheels 

**trashmouthtozier:** okay joel salatin, author of salad bar beef, give us the good ol’ classic first kiss story

**zoomzoombitch:** who tf is joel salatin

**compASS genius:** the author of salad bar beef duh can u even read max

**el chapo:** joel salatin is a famous farmer

**bill pickle:** did you literally look up famous farmers just to insult mike?

**theration one:** i wouldn’t be surprised tbh

**bill pickle:** update: i looked over his shoulder and my assumption was correct

**farmersonly.Com:** first kiss story..?

**trashmouthtozier:** yeah man! Spill those juicy home-grown bush’s baked beans ;)

**farmersonly.Com:** uhhhhhhhhhh

**farmersonly.Com:** oh god im such a loser 

**stanwithaplan:** we all are what’s your point

**hot beverage:** omg mike,,,

**benchilada:** hey mike its not that embarrassing dont worry

**trashmouthtozier:** HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAA

**farmersonly.Com:** ;;; 

**farmersonly.Com:** :(

**trashmouthtozier:** HOO MAN HAHAHA

**trashmouthtozier:** bill just punched me and told me to leave the pretty boy alone youre welcome

**farmersonly.Com:** haha thanks bill 

**bill pickle:** <3

**stanwithaplan:** wait is there something im missing here? Did i miss mike’s message?

**theration one:** no, mike just hasn’t had one yet

**stanwithaplan:** oh

**thefreshprince:** dont worry mike, me either :)

**farmersonly.Com:** :)

**compASS genius:** okay but will you are asexual

**farmersonly.Com:** :(

**farmersonly.Com:** man i’m so pathetic, i’m the oldest out of everyone and i’m also the lamest :’)

**stanwithaplan:** that doesn’t make you lame mike

**bill pickle:** yeah! You’re just saving it for the right moment with the right person :)

**farmersonly.com:** yeah haha

**farmersonly.Com:** okay mike, truth or dare?

**mikewheelie:** hmm i choose dare

**farmersonly.Com:** send us baby photos!!

**mikewheelie:** stan!! He repeated a question, shouldn’t that one be disqualified?

**stanwithaplan:** well,, technically he didnt repeat the question,, so i’d say he’s fine

**mikewheelie:** ughffff okay whatever

**mikewheelie:** this is actually kind of convenient bc i had tons of family stay at my house for a long time for thanksgiving a couple of weeks ago, my grandma came from Santa Rosa, CA and didn’t leave until two days ago and she left all of her old photo albums at our house

**mikewheelie:** steve is still here though ugh

**mikewheelie:** one second i’ll go grab one of the albums and send you guys a cute one and a funny one

**compASS genius:** tell steve i want to know the secrets to his hair

**theration one:** your hair is rlly curly though,,, idk if that’ll work right on your hair

**compASS genius:** ur just jealous ;)

**theration one:** pfft bitch huhuh

**zoomzoombitch:** im so close to memeing this save me someone

**thefreshprince:** dont ignore the urge

**trashmouthtozier:** submit to the memes

**zoomzoombitch:** bitch HUHUH y u mad?! Cause my pussy pops severely and urs dont???

**squiddie:** i was hoping that was what u were gonna say

**zoomzoombitch:** official meme squad: max, dustin, richie, will, and eddie

**bill pickle:** can i be a part of the meme squad? :D

**zoomzoombitch:** sorry bill ily but you like jim carrey

**bill pickle:** D:

  
  


**_//_ **

  
  


**_el chapo created groupchat “yodel-ay-hee-hoo” at 6:22 p.m. PST_ **

  
  


**_el chapo added compASS genius to “yodel-ay-hee-hoo” at 6:22 p.m. PST_ **

  
  


**el chapo:** hey dustin!

**compASS genius:** what’s up el? :)

**el chapo:** i wanted to message you about your singing video earlier, it was amazing!

**compASS genius:** oh, thank you!!

**el chapo:** yeah! i believe i mentioned this earlier, but i am also starting my career in the music industry!

**compASS genius:** yeah! i remember! i’m sure you’re amazing hahah, have you already signed with a company?

**el chapo:** actually i have

**el chapo:** technically i’m allowed to tell you this, but i’m already more than halfway done recording my first album!

**compASS genius:** oh wow that’s so cool! once it comes out i’ll make sure to play it on our radio station!

**el chapo:** that’d be cool! but, i actually wanted to talk to you about something else…

**compASS genius:** oh?

**el chapo:** you see, i’m currently writing one last song that i want to add to my album, but it’s written as a duet…

**compASS genius:** oh really?

**el chapo:** and i know it’s sudden and everything,,, but i’ve held auditions and haven’t found what i’m looking for

**el chapo:** but your voice,,, it’s so unique and practically perfect for the part

**el chapo:** do you think you would… be interested by any chance??

**compASS genius:** wow!! that’s so cool! i’m completely flattered and honored!!

**compASS genius:** i would love to!!

**el chapo:** omg awesome

**el chapo:** i mean haha yeah! cool! i can text you more details later

**compASS genius:** okay! we can msg later ms. yodel lady ;)

**el chapo:** ;)

  
  


**//** **_benverly_ **

  
  


**benchilada:** hello gorgeous girl

**hot beverage:** well hello my dashing man, what gives me the honors of speaking with you at this fine hour?

**benchilada:** haha, what’s ur mailing address if u don’t mind me asking ;)

**hot beverage:** //raises eyebrow// what for?

**benchilada:** surprise ;)

**hot beverage:** 5125 Nome Falso Pkwy. Brighton, United Kingdom

**benchilada:** k expect me in ur p.o. Box in 4-5 days :)

**hot beverage:** lol i wish but that would kill u benchilada

**benchilada:** :(

  
  


**_//losers party with honorary member will smith_ **

  
  


**stanwithaplan:** Official family tree: Ben and Bev are Dad and Mom, their sons are eddie and will. I am the uncle™, max is the lesbian aunt, Farm mike is the Grandpa, richie and dustin are the annoying cousins, lucas is the cousin that we like more than the rest, bill is the good uncle who always hosts house parties, nerd mike is the person who u don’t know how ur related to them but ur not complaining, and el is the newly adopted puppy!

**compASS genius:** im offended but its accurate

**thefreshprince:** shit stan that’s like 100% accurate

**mikewheelie:** uh i’m back

**benchilada:** yay! With baby photos i hope!

**mikewheelie:** yeah… i have them

**el chapo:** what’s wrong mike?

**mikewheelie:** so i was looking through bc i had already found the cute one and i just needed to find a silly one of me

**mikewheelie:** here’s the cute one by the way

**mikewheelie:** [babymikelaughingwithbigeyeswithateddybear.jpg]

**thefreshprince:** aw 

**squiddie:** CUTE

**bill pickle:** fuck im sorry mike but you have such a striking resemblance to richie especially in baby photos wow

**trashmouthtozier:** he looks nothing like me bill!!

**hot beverage:** okay but is there something wrong?

**mikewheelie:** well,,, when i was going through looking for a funny photo, my family does this giant family reunion every year and we all pose for a nice photo and a funny one in front of our fireplace

**mikewheelie:** so i was smiling and remembering funny stories from the past with my cousins and other family members when looking at them

**mikewheelie:** and when i got to my 2nd reunion, i noticed it wasn’t held at my house

**mikewheelie:** infact i didn’t even recognize the house at first

**mikewheelie:** there were also people i didn’t recognize in the photo

**mikewheelie:** so i asked my mom and she laughed saying that i wouldn’t remember even if she told me because i was so young

**mikewheelie:** but apparently i have another cousin i’ve only seen once on my dad’s side of the family because apparently they aren’t very family oriented and would always make excuses for not attending the reunion

**mikewheelie:** so i look at the photo again, most of my family is the same except for another little boy who is my cousins and his parents

**mikewheelie:** so i ask my mom again and she says that they live in maine

**mikewheelie:** and then I asked her the name of my cousin

**bill pickle:** holy shit no fucking way

**zoomzoombitch:** waitwait what hold on

**mikewheelie:** richie you and i are cousins

**trashmouthtozier:** whoawhoawhoa hold up what??

**trashmouthtozier:** i don’t have any family?

**mikewheelie:** maybe that’s what you’ve been told, but the stories line up perfectly

**mikewheelie:** you’ve only ever attended once when you were 3 years old and i was 2

**mikewheelie:** your family says you have no other family alive would explain why you’d never come over

**theration one:** this is fucking creepy

**el chapo:** okay but wait, don’t you two have different last names?

**mikewheelie:** that’s what i was thinking at first, but my dad only has one brother,,, but he has 6 sisters

**mikewheelie:** i never remember meeting the sixth one

**mikewheelie:** richie what is your mom’s maiden name?

**trashmouthtozier:** ...wheeler

**squiddie:** what the fuckkkkk

**farmersonly.Com:** hold up send us the photo, then we should be able to tell for sure

**mikewheelie:** [mikeandrichiewithabunchofotherfamilyinfrontofadarkbrownwall.jpg]

**bill pickle:** no doubt in my mind that that’s richie, i’d recognize those giant ass glasses anywhere

**trashmouthtozier:** haha thank jesus for contacts

**trashmouthtozier:** holy fuck,,, i have a cousin,,,

**mikewheelie:** two actually, nancy is technically ur cousin too

**thefreshprince:** ick richie you called your cousin hot

**compASS genius:** oof

**mikewheelie:** you’ve also got an uncle and aunt wheeler and even a grandma wheeler

**mikewheelie:** not to mention your mom’s other brother besides my dad and five other sisters w/ their spouses and children

**trashmouthtozier:** holy shit… wow…

**stanwithaplan:** ugggghh does this mean i have to redo the family tree since you guys are cousins now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun DUN. let's see how everyone's doing
> 
> //
> 
> bill pickle: i always why richie never talked about his grandparents?? 
> 
> trashmouthtozier: holy fuck,,,,
> 
> squiddie: i'm lowkey still regretting sending richie those photos,,, i cannot sense sarcasm through texts whatsoever so what if his "flirting" is just a joke to make fun of me?
> 
> hot beverage: i'm going to be fantasizing about that australia trip for weeks on end now. fuck you ben for being so perfect <3
> 
> farmersonly.com: ugh i wish my first kiss was with stan... or bill... or donald glover. lucas has good taste in men.
> 
> stanwithaplan: i really don't want to mathematically devise another family tree U G H
> 
> benchilada: i never know what time it is in australia anymore bc im always on my phone where they use EST, PST, CST, and bev with GST
> 
> mikewheelie: even if we are genetically related somewhat, i still don't think richie and i look alike???
> 
> compASS genius: cAusE my PuSSy pOpS SevErelY and Urs dOn'T??!111!? that vine has been stuck in my head since max sent it smh but also not smh ily max
> 
> theration one: the more i learn about my friends, the more i want to photograph them :p screw distance 
> 
> thefreshprince: I JUST GOT A NOTIFICATION FOR A PRIVATE MESSAGE FROM WILL SMITH I HAVE PISSED MYSELF AGAIN IM SCARED TO OPEN IT
> 
> el chapo: where have these people been all my life?? i've been here for a day and i already love them all so much???
> 
> zoomzoombitch: DUSTIN GOT THAT FUCKING FROZEN SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD F U C K O F F 
> 
> //
> 
> i counted and it took me 47 fucking minutes to fix the auto caps :')
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!! thank you all for the comments and kudos!! the encourage me to write much more much faster!! 
> 
> You guys can expect to see Richie and Mike find out more abt their fucked up family situation, Ben and Bev video chatting, Will Smith privately messaging Will, and lots of more surprises in the next chapter that will hopefully come out this next Saturday night!! If not it'll definitely be on Sunday though :)
> 
> I feel like this fic is finally developing plot instead of being just memes! I have so many good plans for this fic and I hope you all are enjoying it so far!
> 
> Sorry for not linking the photos! They were all saved to my camera roll and I couldn't find all of them online again to link them :(
> 
> Before you go, quick poll! I already have most of the planned relationships that I've hinted at so far, but would you guys rather see Max and Eleven together or Mike W. and Eleven together? Leave other suggestions, comments, corrections/concerns, etc. below!! Love you all 
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: 12/12/2017 - HELLO GUYS OMG IM SO SORRY I HAVE BEEN UTTERLY SWAMPED WITH PREPARING FOR FINALS, SNOW CUTTING OUT MY POWER, CONCERT PREPARATIONS, AND LOTS OF OTHER STUFF. BUT FEAR NOT! THIS HAS NOT BEEN ABANDONED AND CHAPTER SIX IS IN PROGRESS! IT WILL BE UPLOADED ASAP BUT SADLY THAT MAY STILL BE A LITTLE BIT, MY WINTER BREAK STARTS 12/21, SO IT SHOULD DEFINITELY BE OUT AROUND THEN IF NOT BEFORE. APOLOGIES <3

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys let's see where we are at so far!! 
> 
> //
> 
> buffalobill: wow thanks to richie i probably look like an idiot, all i wanted to do was make a good first impression smh
> 
> lionelrichie: ik bill is probably complaining about me lmao bUT CAN YOU BELIEVE STAN IS THE FUCKING KID WITH THE BRACES AND WAS THE LITERAL MEME STARTER PACK OF BIGFOOT HUNTING LMAO IM FLIPPING MY SHIT
> 
> sqwedward: i'm,, super shy,, also when i made the comment about crying over perfect guys i think i just made half of the people come out on accident i'm sorry,,
> 
> beverage: I'll be loving you forever just as long as you want me to be. I'll be loving you forever all this love's for you and me, yeah (I'll be loving you) I'll be (I'll be loving you) loving you (The things you do) Yeah, it's forever (I'll be loving you) I'll be (I'll be loving you) loving you, yeah 
> 
> farmersonly.com: mike is a ho because he made me change my name :(
> 
> stanwithaplan: i was juST ABOUT TO TELL MY STORY I WIL- no, okay stan-STAN! calm down... calm-just!.. deep breaths stanny boy
> 
> newkidontheblock: All that I needed was you~ oh girl, you're so right~ and all that I wanted was you~ you made all (my dreams come true) <3 for bev
> 
> mikewheelie: mike is a ho because he stole my name :(
> 
> compassgenius: ayo i had to shit and i missed like everything wassup
> 
> therationalone: i'm guilty... i purposely never changed my ringtone... BUT IT'S A CLASSIC CAN YOU BLAME ME?
> 
> thefreshprince: the fresh prince of bel air has been playing on a ten hour loop in another window,,, save me,,,
> 
> x
> 
> zoomzoombitch: hell yeah!! i don't know anyone in cali who wants to hunt or chat with aliens with me :( even tho dustin lives almost 6 hours away, maybe i'll have someone to hang with!! 
> 
> //
> 
>  
> 
> ayyyy! how was that? i'm going to do that for every chapter! hope you enjoyed! the first three chapters are all up in the same day, so keep reading if you'd like!!


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